There. I've said it.

Much like the end of my pregnancy, we are back at the stage where she ignores my boundaries and then can't understand when I stand by them that it's not about HER. My boundaries are mine and I am THRILLED to be responsible for them. I don't consider my boundaries an impedance to loving her. I just simply expect them to be respected and I will enforce that respect if I need to.

About a week before she decided to leave her husband, she came up and visited me, ostensibly. Well, it ended up being that I spent the weekend chaffeuring her around to various parties which involved a lot of questionable people doing a lot of questionable things. I was pretty pissed off because I drove clear back from Reno to spend time with her and basically, I drove her places and in between, she slept on my couch, so no, we didn't get to spend hardly any quality time together.

While out and partying, she met a guy named Raoul. I mean the name alone should send most women screaming into the night, but not Pauline. (Okay, Raoul Julia makes me squeal, but he's dead.) Raoul was the charmer smoking dope with his 8 year old in the next room --yeah, he's a reeeeeal weeeenah! Apparently, after the party, she spent a lot of time on the phone with this guy from her husband's home and then promptly decided she "couldn't stand it any more" and came back up the following Thursday to "make it official."

Mind you, if she'd stayed there, she'd have let her kids finish out their school year in a month and would have kept things much more stable for them, but she's a selfish jerk sometimes and this was one of those times.

So she comes up here and starts spending her time with Raoul the Fucktoy.

Well, she claimed she was going to be staying with Gay Tony, but actually, she has been staying with Raoul the Fucktoy.

I think it's a remarkably stupid thing she's doing. She's giving up all her time and energy to a loser of a guy when she should be concentrating on working, school and taking care of her kids, but it's her choice to make.

However, on Mother's Day, she called me and wanted to have him and his daughter come to our house, so she could see her goddaughter.

I told her no.

My reasons are multifold. I didn't want this slimebag in my house, and his daughter being with him doesn't not make him less slimy. This guy drinks like a fish and thinks it's okay to smoke dope daily, regardless of his daughter. I don't want him NEAR my family. In addition, Pauline's my daughter's GODmother. That means to me that she should make some attempt to set a good example for my children, preferably based on the teachings of the church. What the hell am I supposed to say to Russell about her boyfriend? I'll grant you I've had a far from perfect life, but she's having an affair, for God's sake and no, I won't have that around my kids.

So on Mother's Day, I politely declined and said that I didn't want him around my kids and that no, I didn't care about the fact that today he was sober.

But I had told her we were going to go to this local festival at the university.

She showed up and made it seem like it was a big surprise. Yeah, right, drive half an hour from another town -- surprise my ass. She made this big thing of introducing Raoul to Mike who just stood there and stared at the top of his head. (I love that my husband can do that quiet intimidating Native Indian thing.) Pauline picked up the baby and made a big thing for a few minutes and I simply glared at her. She knew I wouldn't rip her a new asshole in front of my kids, but if looks could kill, she's have been in a lot of pain.

I about strangled her when she said,"Oh, it must have been God's will." WhatEver. It was Pauline's will because God's on my side.

So all this said...what's my freakin' point?

On the weekend, while I was off planting at the other house, she left a message on the voice mail. I returned her call, politely. She knew I was pissed and had been avoiding me. I was hoping she'd apologize.

She went on about how she missed her kids and stuff, which frankly, I only believe half of, because if she'd given a shit about them, she'd have put up with her husband and just seen things through until they got done with school in a month. She told me she thought she'd lost me as a friend. I told her that I love her no matter what, but that I have been pissed off with her.

Then, I told her all the stuff I was pissed about.

I told her that what I'm angry about with regards to her relationship with Raoul is that she's only recently separated from her husband and she's having an affair. She tried to give me this crap that "I've felt divorced from Steve for 8 months." What she feels and what is true are NOT the same thing, however, and I'm sure they aren't the same to her husband either.

I told her that the reason I did not want him around was because I felt that as Genny's godmother she should be setting an example and not bringing her boyfriend around my kids when she's still married. She won't even introduce this hosebag to her kids, why should I have to introduce him to mine?! She said,"Genny's too young to know." I said,"What am I supposed to tell Russell?"

She said,"Just tell him that he's my friend." I said,"I shouldn't have to."

She hung up.

I feel all relieved. I feel a little sad, but mostly, I feel relieved. I'll be gone in a week and I won't have to deal with this nonsense any more. She can take her trainwreck life somewhere else and I can go into my new life with a lot more serenity and peace of mind.