HUMOR BREAK
Don't sweat the petty things and Don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the badgirls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the self-help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his handswith soap?
And whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?
If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him.... Is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide.... is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do"practice"?
Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?
Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they
worried someone will clean them?
Is a shelless turtle homeless or just naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?
Why do they put Braille on the drive thru bank
machines?
Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals won't eat clown ...because they taste funny?
What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?
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Two guys who worked together were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, the first guy said "Panty stitcher". I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor,she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
The second guy was asked his occupation. "Dieselfitter" he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk
gave the second guy $600. a week. When the first guy found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay. The clerk explained: panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.
"What skill?" yelled the panty stitcher. "I sew the elastic on. He pulls on it and says, "Yep, diesel fitter."
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