The price to pay
pushing me up the roller-coaster
the ride of mania
speeds faster and higher
The less now my mind
and soul can rest
I don't sleep
it is so useless
what is acomplished
with your eyes closed?
3:00 A.M.
my body says yes
my mind says no
no control
I write some more
knowing it will
be brilliant and
thought provoking
But I better read it again
tomorrow...
I climb into bed
hoping the coaster
comes to a stop
when my eyes awaken
yet knowing with the
rising sun
it will start all over
again...
There are lots of different colors
shapes and sizes
blue, pink, orange
white, green...
maybe after the next visit
there will be
another color
They say each one
has a reason
one to make me come up
one to make me come down
mood stabilizers
1 to slow me down
1 to make me sleep
they don't always work
it takes time they say
time I don't have
So,I will sit on this
rainbow of drugs in my sky
and wait for my mood
to just be o.k.
I want you to take care of me
I want anybody to listen
I want to start over
I want freedom for me
I want the sadness to go away
I want everybody not wanting me
I really want every one
to stop needing me
I want to become a rose ...
a rose with delicate petals...and you need
to prune me
and water me everyday so I don't die
I want you to take the thorns off me...
me... the rose
THE LEAVES/FLOW
SO WHIMSICLE
THE FLOWER
DELICATE
AND SOFT
GROWING SO TALL
ONLY IF FACING THE SUN
THIS FLOWER IS ME
MY MIND IS DELICATE
THOUGHTS ARE THE LEAVES
FLOWING WITH THE GREEN
I AM GROUNDED
YET FRAGILE
PLEASE DON'T PICK ME...
I CANNOT STAND ALONE
IN A VASE
SURROUNDED ONLY BY WATER
Manic Depressive
Bipolar
Crazy
What?
When?
And Why?
Sneaking up on me
when I wasn't
looking...
Too much energy
why can't that be normal?
They give me drugs,
to take it away.
Because I'm too damn happy
and then I began
falling
into a hole
that
has
no opening
or a closing
Can't see
Can't hear
Can't touch
Can't move
Can't breath
Don't even
want to
You can all just go away
'cause I don't care!
Life ending would not matter,
cause I've ceased to excist.
Then the drugs
crawl into my mind
and they say
you're really o.k.
I find the opening
I take a deep breath
I see
I finally touch
I excist
The hole has dissapeared
I stop drowning
in the bottom
and begin to swim
back to me. . . .
Not surprising
We run on the same track
we are both manic
talkink 1000 m.p.h.
and yet listening to every word
we care so much
We speak of our drugs
why they aren't working
when they will
We talk of out indiscretions
manic takes us into bars
social...over social...
doing drugs
alcohol
we know we shouldn't
walk out that door
heart says no and yet
brain says go-go-go-go...
Why are you in California?
I need you here
near
we are too close
to be this far apart.
We listen to the same music
it moves us just the same
I want you here to dance
inside the music
with me
made a movie of an
egg on a mirror
flew kites
soul of freedom
Thought so cool
yet now know he was just escaping
only in his own ways
moved to california
to pursue his dreams
he now drives a u.p.s.
truck
too bad he stopped
flying kites
