Spike Quotes: Season 2

Spike: "If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would've been like Woodstock."

Spike: "So, who do you kill for fun around here?"

Spike: "Fe, fi, fo, fum. I smell the blood of a nice ripe girl."

Buffy: "Do we really need weapons for this?"
Spike: "I just like them. They make me feel all manly."

Spike: "Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?"
Ford: "I know who you are."
Spike: "Yeah, I know who I am too, so what?"
Ford: "I wanna' be like you. A vampire."
Spike: "I've known you for two minutes and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you living forever. Can I eat him now, love?"

Ford: "What happened?"
Spike: "We're stuck in a basement."
Ford: "Buffy?"
Spike: "She's not stuck in a basement."

Dalton: "It could be, uh, 'deprimere ille bubula linter.'"
Spike: "'Debase the beef...canoe.' Why does that strike me as not right?"
Spike: "Well, come on now. Enlighten me."
Vamp: "Uh, well, it looks like Latin, but it's not. I--I'm not even sure it's--it's a language actually I--"
Spike: "Then make it a language! Isn't that what a transcriber does?"

Spike: "Some people find pain...very inspirational."

Willy: "What are you gonna' do with him, anyway?"
Spike: "I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know."

Spike: "Aren't you a throw-himself-to-the-lions sort of sap these days. Well, the lions are on to you, baby."

Willy: "Now, there's a way which this isn't my fault."
Spike: "Oh, they tricked you."
Willy: "Mm-hmm. They were duplicitous!"
Spike: "Oh, then I'll only kill you just this once."

Angel: "Leave her alone!"
Spike: "Yeah, that'll work. Now say 'Pretty please'."

Angel: "Take me instead of her."
Spike: "Uh, you're not clear on the concept, pal. There is no instead. Just first and second."

Spike: "Now it's four against one, which are the kind of odds I like to play."

Angelus: "Yeah. Destroying the world. Great. But I'm really more interested in the Slayer."
Spike: "Well, she's in the world, so that should work out."

Spike: "So you didn't kill her, then?"
Angelus: "Of course not."
Spike: "Now, I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre, you know."

Spike: "Are you insane? We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in her friends' beds."

Spike: "It's paradise. Big windows, lovely gardens. It'll be perfect when we want the sunlight to kill us."

Spike: "You might want to let up. They say when you've drawn blood, you've exfoliated."

Spike: "It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big."

Spike: "Let me guess. Someone pulls out the sword..."
Angelus: "Someone worthy."
Spike: "...the demon wakes up, and wackiness ensues."

Spike: "We like to talk big... vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." That's just tough-guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I _like_ this world. You've got...dog racing, Manchester United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Good-bye, Picadilly. Farewell, Leicester-bloody-Square."

Spike: "What, your Mom doesn't know?"
Joyce: "Know what?"
Buffy: "That I'm, uh...in a band. A rock band...with Spike here."
Spike: "Right. She plays the-the triangle--"
Buffy: "--Drums."
Spike: "Drums, yeah. She's hell on the old skins, you know."

Buffy: "She killed Kendra."
Spike: "Dru bagged a Slayer? She didn't tell me. Good for her!"
Buffy: "..."
Spike: "Though not from your perspective, I suppose."

Spike: "You have your way with him, you'll never get to destroy the world. And I don't fancy spending the next month trying to get librarian out of the carpet."

Spike: "I don't want to hurt you, baby. Doesn't mean I won't."

---

Season 3

Spike: "I need a curse."
Pagan: A what?"
Spike: "A curse! Something nasty. Boils. I want to give him boils all over his face. You know, dripping pustules. Let's really go for the gusto here."
Pagan: I'm hearing a lot of negative energy, and I bet..."
Spike: "Leprosy! A spell that makes his parts fall off. That sounds proper."

Spike: "She wouldn't even kill me. She just left. She didn't even care enough to cut off my head, or set me on fire. I mean, is that too much to ask? You know? Some little sign that she cared? It was the truce with Buffy that did it. Dru said I'd gone soft - wasn't demon enough for the likes of her."

Willow: "Now, I'm not a real witch, you know. I don't know if this is going to work right away."
Spike: "Well, if at first you don't succeed, I'll kill him, and you try again."

Joyce: "Well, she sounds very unreasonable."
Spike: "She is. She's out of her mind. That's what I miss most about her."

Spike: "No, this is different. Our love was eternal. Literally. You got any of those little marshmallows?"

Joyce: "He'll kill us."
Spike: "Not while I breathe. Well, actually, I don't breathe."

Spike: "The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly-eyes at each other again like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave."

Spike: "You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood -- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

Lenny: "Yeah, I'd heard you'd gone soft. Sad to see it, man."
Spike: "Soft?"
Lenny: "Yeah, like baby food."
Spike: "Well, then, let's give baby a taste."
Spike: (Spike pounds Lenny's head on table) "Baby like his supper? Baby like his supper?"

Spike: "Now, that was fun. Oh, don't tell me that wasn't fun. God! It's been so long since I had a decent spot of violence. Really puts things in perspective."

Spike: "Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are at the factory. I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this - weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just got to be the man I was. The man she loved. I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place. I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again. Love's a funny thing."

---

Season 4

Harmony: "You love that tunnel more than me."
Spike: "I love syphilis more than you."

Spike: "Listen to me, you stupid bint. This gem is everything. I came back to Sunnydale for it, a place which has witnessed some truly spectacular kickings of my ass."

Spike: "What a fabulous day. Birds singin', squirrels making lots of rotten little squirrels, sun beamin' down in a nice non-fatal way. It's very exciting. Can't wait to see if I freckle."

Spike: "The gem of Amarra. Official sponsor of my killing you."

This next bit is actually from 'Angel', but i just had to include it.

Spike: (in fake high voice)"How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing? (low voice, imitating Angel) No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I’m just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. (Rachel steps closer to Angel, and Angel steps back warding her off with his hands) No, not the hair! Never the hair! (high voice) But there must be someway I can show my appreciation. (low voice) No, helping those in need’s my job, - and working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough! (high voice) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so… (low voice) Say no more. Evil’s still afoot! And I’m almost out of that Nancy-boy hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away!"

Spike in vamp face: "Angel. I believe you have something I’m looking for – a shiny, little bauble?"
Angel: "Might as well go home, Spike. The gem of Amarra stays with me."
Spike: "Why? Because you are vampire detective now? What’s next? Vampire cowboy? Vampire fireman? Oh, vampire ballerina."

Marcus: "His skin…"
Spike: "Annoying isn’t it? Still attached."
Marcus: "Over 200 years of living and so little external damage. What about internal?"
Spike: "Do you two need to be alone, or can we go on to the ouchy part?"

Marcus: "And he has a soul."
Spike: "Right, vampire with a soul. Cursy-cursed to walk the earth trying to do good. That’s not going to be a problem, is it?"
Marcus: "On the contrary. Creatures with souls have something to lose."
Spike: "Souls, fingers, toes… Let’s get chopping, will you? I want my damn ring!"

Angel: "You’re an idiot, Spike."
Spike: "You think? Because I’m not the one chained to the ceiling with hot pokers in my side."
Angel: "You hired a vampire. What do you think he is going to do with the rings when he finds it, huh? Hand it over to you?"
Spike: "Oh, good Lord, why didn’t I think of…? Oh, wait half a mo’, I did. I hired a guy who doesn’t care about the ring, or anything else on God’s green earth except taking blokes apart one piece at a time. It’s called addiction, Angel. We all have it. I believe yours is named Slutty the vampire Slayer."

Back to Buffy

Tom (vampire): "They starve you. And when you're ready to bite your own arm, they shoot out one of those packets. You drink, and the next thing, you're gone. And that's when they do the experiments."
Spike: "And, uh, 'they' are? The government? Nazis? A major cosmetics company?"

Spike: "I'll give you a choice. Now, I'm going to kill you - no choice in that. But... I can let you stay dead... or bring you back, to be like me."
Willow: "I'll scream."
Spike: "Bonus."

Spike: "I don't understand. This sort of thing's never happened to me before."
Willow: "Maybe you were nervous."
Spike: "I felt all right when we started. Let's try again. (grr!) Damn it!"
Willow: "Maybe you're trying too hard. Doesn't this happen to every vampire?"
Spike: "Not to me, it doesn't!"
Willow: "It's me, isn't it?"
Spike: "What are you talking about?"
Willow: "Well, you came looking for Buffy, then settled. You didn't want to bite me, I just happened to be around."
Spike: "Piffle!"
Willow: "I know I'm not the kind of girl vamps like to sink their teeth into. It's always like, 'Oh, you're like a sister to me,' or, 'Oh, you're such a good friend.'"
Spike: "Don't be ridiculous. I'd bite you in a hearbeat."
Willow: "Really?"
Spike: "Thought about it."
Willow: "When?"
Spike: "Remember last year? You had on that... fuzzy pink number with the lilac underneath?"
Willow: "I never would have guessed. You played the blood-lust kinda cool."
Spike: "I hate being obvious. All fangy and 'grr!' Takes the mystery out."
Willow: "But if you could..."
Spike: "If I could, yeah."
Willow: "You know, this doesn't make you any less terrifying."
Spike: "Don't patronize me!"

Spike: "All right, I'll go. Just..."
Harmony: "What?"
Spike: "Can I have someone to eat?"

Spike: "Willow, tell 'em what I did."
Willow: "You said you were gonna kill me, then Buffy."
Spike: "Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to the part where I couldn't bite you."

Spike: "I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies any more."

Spike: "Bloody hell, woman. You're cuttin' off my circulation."
Buffy: "You don't have any circulation."
Spike: "Well, it pinches."

Spike: "I came to you in friendship. Well, all right, seething hatred..."

Spike: "You won. All right? You came in, and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, 'I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it.'"

Buffy: "So. You saw their faces, but you can't describe them."
Spike: "Well, they were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle."

Buffy: "Maybe we made it a little too comfy in here for you."
Spike: "Comfy? I'm chained in a bathtub, drinking pigs blood from a novelty mug. Doesn't rate huge in the Zagat's guide."

Buffy: "There's so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception..."
Spike: "Well, first thing, I'd say we're not having a church wedding."
Buffy: "How about a daytime ceremony, in the park?"
Spike: "Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust."
Buffy: "Under the trees. Indirect sunlight only."
Spike: "A warm spring breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again, you're registering as Mr. & Mrs. Big-Pile-of-Dust."

Buffy: "Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you want to be "William the Bloody" or just "Spike"? 'Cause either way, it's gonna look majorly weird."
Spike: "Whereas the name "Buffy" gives it that touch of classic elegance."

Buffy: "Besides, it's kind of my job."
Spike: "For now."
Buffy: "What, you want me to stop working?"
Spike: "Well, let's see - do I want you to give up killing my friends? Yeah, I've given it some thought."

Spike: "If they get in, I don't know if I can protect you."
Buffy: "You think you have to protect me?"
Spike: "Oh, not with the girl-power bit!"

Spike: "Don't I get a cookie?"
Buffy: "No."
Spike: "Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth."
Buffy: "You're a pig, Spike."
Spike: "Yeah, well, I'm not the one who wanted "Wind Beneath My Wings" for the first dance."

Spike: "We're out of weetabix."
Giles: "We are out of weetabix because you ate it all. Again.
Spike: "Get some more."
Giles: "I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood."
Spike: "Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the weetabix in the blood. Gives it a little texture."
Giles: "Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up yourself."
Spike: "Sissy."

Spike: "Grrr!"
Anya: "Aaahh!"
Spike: "Oh, it's you."
Anya: "Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high!"
Spike: "Hey, yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money."
Anya: "I'm not paying you for scaring me."
Spike: "You're not paying me. I'm robbing you."
Anya: "Oh, well, that's just ludicrous. You can't hurt me because you've got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is... when it's mine."
Spike: "Grrrr!"
Anya: "Oh, now, come on! You're not even bumpy anymore!"
Spike: "Oh. I was just a minute ago. Hang on. Get me mad again."
Anya: "Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money?"
Spike: "Yeah, it works. Keeps me in blood and beers. Plus, you know, funny - watching the little humans quail."
Anya: "I'm beginning to understand why you're so friendless."
Spike: "Look who's talking. I don't see droopy-boy on your arm. Did he have better things to do?"

Anya: "Boy, I miss those powers."
Spike: "Yeah. Tell me about it."
Anya: "A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler."
Spike: "You know... you take the killing for granted. And then it's gone, and you're like... I wish I'd appreciated it more. Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know?"

Spike: "'Xander, don't you care about me?'"
Xander: "Shut up."
Spike: "'We never talk.'"
Xander: "Shut up."
Spike: "'Xan-der...'"
Xander: "SHUT UP!"

Spike: "Oh, but you can. You know I'd drain you drier than the Sahara if I had half a chance. And besides, I'm beyond pathetic."

Spike: "That's right! I'm back, and I'm a bloody animal! Yeah!"

Spike: "What's this? Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still afoot? It's not very industrious of you. I say, we go out there, and kick a little demon ass. What, can't go without your Buffy? Is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her. She is the Chosen One, after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty. Let's annihilate them. For justice, and for the safety of puppies, and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil. Let's kill something. Oh, come on!"

Xander: "That's my radio."
Spike: "And you're what, shocked and disappointed? I'm evil."
Anya: "So what kind of place are you looking for?"
Spike: "I don't know. Maybe a crypt. Someplace, you know, dark and dank. But not as dark and dank as this."
Anya: "It's pretty depressing, isn't it?"
Spike: "I've known corpses with a fresher smell. In fact, I've been one."

Giles: "You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a good being-killed."
Spike: "And I'm supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart?"
Giles: "You help me, and I- I don't kill you."
Spike: "Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter."

Giles: "Do I have special powers? Like setting things on fire with my sizzling eyebeams?"
Spike: "Well, you got the mucous thing."
Giles: "What? Mucous?"
Spike: "Paralyzing mucous. It shoots out through the nose. Sets up fast. Hard as a rock. Pretty good in a fight."
Giles: "Are you making this up?"
Spike: "Maybe. But hey, if you feel a sneeze coming on, you warn me."

Giles: "I don't like this feeling. This sort of mindless need to destroy. This anger, rage."
Spike: "Good times. Go with it."
Giles: "No."
Spike: "It's fun. I can't do it. Do it for me. Let yourself go!"

Spike: "Two of them, English, like me. But older, less attractive."

Giles: "Some sort of illumination emanating from it. It's blinking."
Spike: "I don't care if it's playing "Rockin' the Casbah" on the bloody Jew's Harp, just get it out of me!"

Buffy: "But he's not bad anymore."
Spike: "Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad. It's just... I can't bite anymore. Thanks to you wankers."
Spike: "By the by, if you're trying to kill her..." (big smile, thumbs-up gesture)

Spike: "Is this bird after you?"
Xander: "In a bad way, yeah."
Spike: "Tell you what I'll do, then. I'll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch... as she kills you. Can't any one of your damned little Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all?"

Spike: "Dark hair, this tall, name of Faith. Criminally insane. I like this girl already."

Buffy: "Shut up, Spike."
Spike: "Ooh, semi-harsh language from Betty."

Jonathan: "Have you seen it?"
Spike: "No. But then again, I'm probably lying."

Giles: "Short of cash, Spike?"
Spike: "I happen to be seeking monetary gratification, yeah."

Spike: "You don't want her Slayerettes mucking about."
Adam: "Take them away from her."
Spike: "Well, there's a plan. She's working solo, she won't have a chance to come after us when the wild rumpus begins. Plus, it'll make her miserable. And I never get tired of that."

Spike: "What, you think I'd come running over saying 'I've got a secret. Beat me till I talk'?"

Spike: "I'm much more the 'I did my part, now get this chip out of my head' kind of guy."

Spike: "Slightly stiffer than usual. Subtle, but I like it. What's with him?"
Adam: "I activated his chip."
Spike: "Oh, so it's chips all around, is it? Someone must have bought the party-pack."

Spike: "Now, if you'll just get the chip out of my cranium, I'll be out of your way. And mind the hairline. I don't fancy fussing with a comb-over once I've resumed my killing ways."

Spike: "Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was here, eh?"
Giles: "Yes. Thank you. Although your heroism is slightly muted by the fact that you were helping Adam to start a war that would kill us all."
Xander: "You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right here."
Spike: "Well, yeah. Did it work?"

Spike: "I've hired myself out as an attraction."
Giles: "Sideshow freak?"
Spike: "Well, at least it's showbiz."

Season 5