March of the Living 1999 Diary

April 18, 3:50 PM

You know what, I’m not done ranting. I’m going to keep going to try to sort my feelings out.

People say that Israel is the greatest time they’ve ever had. I don’t think it will be that way for me. Even though Poland was really depressing, at least everyone else was depressed too. You were expected to feel bad. And even then, there were great times, like the horahs, where everyone was happy.

Now, when everyone else is happy, I’m still depressed, and that makes me feel as bad as, or worse than, I felt in Poland. And I know it’s just little things that I’m upset about. Litting things like not being about to shave, not easily at least, and not being able to wear shorts. Like having roommates I don’t like who are best friends (or at least seem that way). It’s nothing compared to what the 6 million (more, really) went through. Maybe that makes me feel even worse.

And it’s only 5 days. I mean, I’ve live about 6000 days in my life so far, what’s five more? I can do this. But then again, last week took such a long time to get through. Time is subjective. Your mind can play tricks on you.

I’m in Israel and I’m miserable. I’m ready to say: put me on a plane and take me home, something I hadn’t thought at all in Poland. I wasn’t homesick at all. Now I am. I really am.

Who knows? Maybe this is just 30 hours of no sleep catching up with me and screwing with my emotions. I hope so. If it is, it means this will pass.

I’m going to take a shower now.

Julie