If you throw a cat out a car window does it become
kitty litter?
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby
oil come from?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex
in the box?
When a cow laughs, does milk come up its nose?
If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick
it on the pan?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow
road sign?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal
injections?
What do they use to ship Styrofoam?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because
they taste funny?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get
one?
Can fat people go skinny dipping?
When it rains, do sheep shrink?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Special Thanks to Tiffany
Some Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey
One thing kids like, is to be tricked. For instance,
I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead
I drove him to a burned-out warehouse. "Uh oh", I said.
"Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I
think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke.
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman
the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived in a cave
and because sometimes he would eat one of us. Later, we found
out he was a bear.
Here's a good joke to do during an earthquake.
Straddle a big crack in the earth and if it opens wider, go "Whoa,Whoa!"
and flap your arms around as if you are going to fall in.
When you are riding in a time machine way into
the future, don't stick your elbow out the window or it will turn
into a fossil.
If a kid asks you where rain comes from, I think
a cute thing to tell them is, "God is crying". And if
they ask why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is,
"Probably because of something you did."
Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that
you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're
kind of scary. I've wondered where this all started, and I think
it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed
my Dad.
It takes a big man to cry in public. But it takes
an even bigger man to laugh at that man.
Most people probably don't realize that large
pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to
the skull with common wood screws, can make a child look like
a deer.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke".
But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
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