These lists are from David Letterman

10. At request, nuclear launch code change to "90210."

9. Your old job: beautician at strip mall. Your new job: Secretary of Commerce.

8. You now belong to a selected group of 48,000 women.

7. Allowed to drive the rarely seen Presidential van.

6. Get to pick up red phone and scream, "What's happenin', you Russkie bastards?"

5. You're the only college student to arrive at Spring Break in a B1 bomber.

4. Your name:Kate. Name of scandal: Kategate.

3. According to Constitution, your 15-year-old brother automatically becomes "First Dude."

2. Every morning, a delicious continental breakfast prepared by Al Gore.

1. 50% off at all participating McDonald's.

10. No calls from salespeople pushing MCI's Friends and Family Plan.

9. You go to a video store and say out loud to yourself, "Well, what do you want to rent tonight?"

8. You send birthday cards to the members of the McLaughlin Group.

7. You are one of the five best solitaire players in the world.

6. Your initials are G.S., and you own a major league baseball team in the Bronx.

5. At your funeral, the entire eulogy is, "Yep. He's dead."

4. Having a Super Bowl party means dressing up your dogs in sweaters and tying them to the furniture.

3. James Taylor sings the first few bars of "You've Got a Friend," notices you in the audience, and stops.

2. You're still drinking from same keg you bought on New Year's Eve '87.

1. All your phone calls start with "976."

10. Doggy door on oval office

9. At press conferences, instead of "Mr. President," reporters would shout, "Here fella!"

8. Goodbye Whitewater scandal, hello toilet bowl water scandal

7. Washington Monument replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant

6. U.S. might have more coherent foreign policy

5. Public enemy #1: That neutering bastard Bob Barker

4. Secret service and CIA dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon

3. Country really run by dog's smarter poodle wife

2. Here's your new national anthem: (videotape of dog barking x-mas jingle)

1. One word: sausage-gate

10. Van Full of Grandpas

9. The Rolling Stones Live Plus Keith Richards

8. Guitar-playin' Geezers

7. Brown Sugar and Lots of Bran

6. Metamusic

5. The "$140 Million in the Bank Isn't Enough" Tour

4. Cocoon 3

3. Hey! You! Get Offa My Barcalounger!

2. "Instruments Hooked Up to the Clapper" Tour

1. Grumpy Old Men

10. When you Wish Upon My Lap

9. Mr. Toad's Pantsless Ride

8. Space Mounting

7. Mickey and Minnie, Doing It Live

6. Aladdin '94: "Rub This!"

5. It's a Large World

4. Mary's Poppin'!

3. Hookers of the Caribbean

2. Beauty and the Bobbitt

1. Free Willy