1. Sadistic psycho killer squirrel seeks lovely lady squirrel who lives alone in a secluded area. Must like rifles and semi-automatic machine guns.
2. Big squirrel bodybuilder seeks little squirrel bodybuilder for fun with barbells. Must be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.
3. Feminine lady squirrel seeks masculine sadistic psycho squirrel for friendship, possibly more. I live alone in a secluded area. Call me.
4. Large goofy-looking chipmunk with a red nose and Hawaiian shirt seeks female squirrel for cross-breeding. Our child will be named Spartacus.
5. Big-butted lady squirrel with an attitude no longer seeking anybody. QUIT CALLING ME YOU SICKOS!!!!!
6. Male squirrel ISO female squirrel for purely sexual relationship. I love 'em and leave 'em. So how's Saturday for you?
7. Infertile female squirrel, married, seeks similar couple for fun and games. Uninhibited couples only, please.
8. Good ol' down-home country squi'rl seeks good-lookin' honey of a lady squi'rl for barn dances and Hee-Haw reruns. I love black-eyed peas.
9. Yo! All you honeys from Detroit, I'm the squirrel for you! Just bought a Magnum last month, and my Harley's my life! Gimme a call! (And your money.)
10. Like, hey all you bushy-tailed, like, rodents out there! Like, I'm a valley-girl type of squirrel, and, like, I want to hear from you! I wanna, like, hear that phone, like, ringing, fer sure! Totally!