MY LIFE - MARCH

Social Experiment #307 - Monday, March 3, 2003

While I still have not heard from the girl that I helped out Friday night, and while that still makes me worry since I have no idea if she's okay or not, I can't feel too bad about everything because I did what a lot of people probably wouldn't have done.

I offered to help and didn't just leave when she said no thanks.

The best thing that could happen, the storybook ending would have her calling me to tell me she's okay, us talk for a little bit, set up a date of some sort, and end up dating and being happy. That would be the Hollywood version of what happened the other night.

Real life ain't like Hollywood though.

In reality, I have no idea if she's okay and I probably will never hear from her for a variety of reasons, the most probable being that she lost my number and doesn't care that much to try and track me down. Either that or she has it and really isn't comfortable with the idea of calling me anytime.

The thing I have to accept is what happens, happens. If I don't hear from her in the next few days, then I just have to get on with things and not worry about it anymore, as hard as that will be. And it will be hard too. You don't just help a girl out who doesn't know what to do, is scared, and is crying every few minutes and just up and forget about her. At least a decent person can't.

The one thing I've wondered about, in between wondering about whether or not this site's worth the time anymore (see Come Again before this upcoming weekend), is what would have happened if I had not offered to give her a ride. What would have been the scenario if I had just left while she was in the bathroom?

It's hard to think about because I couldn't do that at all, no matter what the situation may be (well, the possibility of her being a murdered would cause me to hesitate). I just can't fathom the thought of her trying to walk home at 3 in the morning from North Olmsted all the way into the west side of Cleveland, which for everyone's information is about a 20 minute drive. Walking would've taken her a few hours and let's face it: this girl probably didn't weigh more than a 100 pounds, was wearing a pretty skimpy tube top, which would've made her a prime target for anyone with devious thoughts in their mind.

So just the thought of what could've been if I had NOT helped her makes me shudder. It also makes me wonder just why so many people would've turned her away just because she lived in the neighborhood she lived in. I never felt endangered while she was with me. What could've made anyone feel threatened by her? It certainly wouldn't have been her size. She didn't have a purse, so there was no way that she could've been reasonably concealing a weapon.

It was one of those situations where I was in the right place at the right time when you look at it from her perspective. If I hadn't been called into work the next day, I wouldn't even have been doing my laundry at the hour I was doing it at. I was going to do it the next night instead.

For one of the few times in my life, it seemed like fate had a hand in things and in a good way.

So while I don't know how she's doing now, it could've been a lot worse sooner (because for all I know, she could be dead right now and I'd never find out).

It's one of those things that makes you really wonder.

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I'm going to talk more about this site in a moment, but first, I feel that I need to do a quick review on where I stand on some of the more important issues beseiging us as a nation. I used to write about my views all the time, but in recent years, I've declined to simply because I have not felt like getting involved in debates with simple-minded people who insist you're wrong and they're right everytime they engage you in a debate. I don't need you to tell me repeatedly that I'm wrong. That's not going to make me feel different on the subject, only make me realize more and more that you're insanely stupid.

For starters, since this is the one that causes the most screaming and yelling, I am pro-choice when it comes to abortion, but to an extent. I believe an abortion is acceptable if a girl is raped by a guy and that causes the pregnancy. However, if you're a girl and you end up having unprotected sex and "accidentally" get pregnant, it's your own damn fault. Live with the consequences, or better yet, try to be, oh what's the word, oh yeah. CAREFUL!

On the possibility of a war with Iraq, I find this to be particularly troubling. Not only does President Bush seem to be ignoring what most people have said about this issue, he's also ignoring what most of our allies feel on the issue. The more this goes on, the more obvious it becomes that he's only trying to make up for his own father, but the further you look into this comparison, the more you see that he's just like his father. A poor economy, trouble with Iraq, and a needed distraction. Problem is, Bush really doesn't seem to be waiting for Iraq to do anything stupid. I do not support this campaign in the middle east and don't want to think about the possible repercussions if we go to war with them. It could be very, very ugly.

When it comes to affirmative action, I really can't agree with it. I don't necessarily like the idea of putting someone in a position just because they're a minority. It's troubling to me and it hurts those who work their ass off to get a position, only to have it handed to someone based on race. It's pretty much reverse racism and while I agree we've had it coming, I still don't think it makes it right. I guess it's not about the best man for the job anymore anyway though.

As far as the death penalty is concerned, I'm all for it but only when it's been proven without a shadow of a doubt that the person sentenced to death actually did the crime. Otherwise, it's life in prison. It's my personal belief that if you kill a person in cold blood, then you only deserve to receive the same fate.

My views on religion: I don't really believe in a God as anyone at work who's heard my sometimes touchy remarks will tell you, nor do I care for religion. It's all basically the same thing with different words and scenarios and it's all hypocritical. I find it hilarious that someone could kill for their religion when the religion is supposedly all about peace. Uh, could you go over that again with me?

When you ask me about video game violence, all I can do is smile and ask if you could talk to me later about it, I'm busy mowing people down with a chain saw in "Grand Theft Auto: Vice City." The fact that someone could say with a straight face that a video game made their son or daughter commit a heinous crime is not only absurd to me, it's incredibly funny.

This is related to a case that came down a couple weeks ago. A 15 year-old kid killed another person and the lawyer for the kid blamed it on GTA: Vice City. His contention was that the game made the kid think it was all right to kill a person in real life. First off, what kind of fucked up 15 year-old thinks killing is okay? Second, what the fuck is the kid doing with a game that's rated M (as in Mature, or only over 17)? Uh, I think some blame goes to the parents for letting this kid play this game when he wasn't supposed to. I believe that's what the rating system is there for.

I just want people to get over the whole "blame it on the video game" excuse. I've been playing video games since I was 6. I've played all kinds of games and never have I felt the urge to hurt or kill anyone at all. Some of my favorite games are games in which you cause massive blood-shed, yet I don't have the slightest thought of hurting another person. It's called a game for a reason.

Seriously, let's get a grip people.

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I mention in the Come Again column that I've been at odds with whether or not I really want to keep writing this site. I actually wrote that column about an hour ago and since writing it, I've felt better. I really don't have a doubt that I'll continue this site, but some changes are probably going to be in order.

First off, I really don't feel the need to devote a whole page to music when I really don't care to talk about music. It's really unnecessary and as it stands, I haven't felt the need to update the page in a long time now.

In its place, I'll probably put a page back up on "Mystery Science Theater 3000," which was what this whole site was about originally. It probably won't be anything more than a section that talks about the show, its past, and its numerous whacky characters since it's no longer airing on tv.

I'll also probably do the page about my friends that I've been mentioning off and on for the last couple of years, but until I figure out how I want to do that, it's on the backburner.

Getting back to how this site started, it's amazing to me that what you're reading initially started off as a fan site for MST3K. When I first started this thing up, the show was just about ready to come back on to the air with the Sci-Fi Channel for its final three seasons. I was excited, there was a lot of news to report, and generally, things were good in the MSTie universe.

As time went by though, I found less time to watch the show, which meant less time to write about the show. The site was evolving in a similar fashion, going from a fan site to a personal site that shared my thoughts and views on various things. I began to realize that people were more interested in what I had to say about my life and the things going on than what I had to say about a tv show that you either knew about or had no concept of what it was.

The section you're reading now debuted in February of 1998. It started off as a paragraph that described my day. It was pretty simple describing too at first. I didn't feel the need to go into detail about certain things because I still kept a lot of things private. Besides, if I did write, it was usually in the humorous vein since that was what people wanted. I think it took a couple years for y'all to realize just how deep I could get.

As the months went by, the MST3K section slowly disappeared while the personal section grew larger and more intricate. My entries became multiple paragraphs before finally expanding into a full page devoted to just that day. My words were becoming more philosophical in nature (if you can believe that load of shit) and the humor started to disappear. I was no longer the pessimistic 17 year-old that started this whole mess. I was evolving into something else.

Over the years I've used many different fonts, different backgrounds, and different colors. I didn't have a picture of me on the site until a couple years ago and that was only after I received threats saying that I needed to have a picture up. The one constant has been the star background, which was originally used with the MST3K section, but eventually expanded to the rest of the site when I decided to make the site more homogenous.

For a couple years, I used green text, the star background, blue headers, and yellow to identify significant things. My font was "arial" and the links were at the bottom in one form or another.

Bottom line is I get bored. If I get sick of the appearance, I just up and change it. My site though has remained very simplistic. My view has been this site has always been about my writing, not how fancy the pictures and graphics could be. Well, that and the fact that I cannot make graphics if my life depended on it.

The real point behind is this is I'm considering removing the star background. It's the last real connection to the days when all I cared about was MST3K. Yet at the same, the star background is what lets you know you've found me. It's a tough decision to make and probably one that I'll put off until I can't stand it anymore.

It just doesn't seem right without the stars, and yet, it feels like I'm holding onto the past with them.

My fucking God, I sound like I'm talking with an ex-girlfriend. If I can get any cornier, I'm not sure how yet.

Where's the damn Nyquil? I need some serious sleep.

Anyway, I'd appreciate it if anyone would be willing to share their opinion on any of this that I just wrote. Hell, I would appreciate any kind of feedback.

Not that I'll get any.