MY LIFE - APRIL
Monday, April 1, 2002
Let me clafify the title up above. I will settle for someone seriously hurting the Baha Men and letting them sit in agonizing pain. "Who Let the Dogs Out" was bad enough, but after watching their new commercial four times last night while trying to watch the Indians game, I have reached my thresh hold and will no longer tolerate their noise.
Anyway, I'm back to writing entries. There's a lot to cover, but we'll see how far I get. All it takes is me talking about the wrong thing and the whole idea of me trying to recap everything is thrown out the window.
First and foremost, what's happening with me.
Well, I broke off my engagement to Tabitha for those who were in a complete shell for the last month. I'm still working at CVS in Berea and I'm pretty much running most of the stuff in the place, but I'm not in charge. I don't want to be in charge anyway. Too many egos to manage.
I'm not really looking into dating. I'm not saying if the right situation came up, I wouldn't start going steady with anyone, but it would have to be something really, really special. I don't see that happening. I'm more interested in meeting people, going out, having fun, and not having to deal with any kind of relationship. I'm kind of estranged from relationships right now. I don't think I really need to explain.
I'll be going back to school, preferrably this summer, but definitely by fall. I need to get my ass in gear and reach my goal. I know I can do it. It's just a matter of doing it.
I'm working on improving this site in ways that can't be seen. Like getting a more recent picture than the ones I have from 2000. I haven't really changed in appearance, but I really need to lose the pics with the cat and the one that looks like my nostrils are the size of a cannonball.
I'm still a smartass. I will absolutely nail you if you say something stupid. Ask my coworker Shelby. Saying something stupid will get you murdered in my store. Someone, if not me, will get you for it. I've found out myself several times. Hey, if it's funny, I'm not above laughing at myself. I do it all the time.
I'm motivated. I know. It's a scary thing. I spent 20 plus years unmotivated and still made an impression on people. Now I'm motivated, which means someone's probably going to be repulsed. I'm working out, playing sports again, and just wreaking more havoc since I've had more energy.
Either that, or someone's doping my food. Aw, hell, who cares anyway.
I still have strong opinions on things going on in the world. Ask me about the middle east and you'll hear it from me. Ask me about the recent rash of accidents involving young adults and you'll hear it from me. Ask me about carrot top and I'll knock you upside the head.
Ask me what I think about "fans" who are saying the Indians aren't worth supporting, and I'll knock you and those so-called fans upside the head. Never have I felt so compelled to write some of these "fans" and give them my two cents.
Then I realize those two-cents could add up some day and I change my mind.
I'm no different today then I was one month ago, six months ago, one year ago, or two years ago. I've evolved from one form (smartass single guy) into another (smartass taken guy), into another (unhappy taken guy), and back into my current form. Depending on how you look at it, I've either taken some big steps forward, or I've become exactly what I was when we moved up here two years ago.
Yeah, it's been two years. Kind of hard to believe it when you think about it. I didn't realize it until about three weeks ago at work. I stopped and looked around and said some very priceless words.
"It's been two years since we moved from Brunswick."
Everybody but Steve looked at me like I was on some sort of drug, but that was either because Steve was the only one there who really knew the whole story, or he didn't hear me. Something tells me he didn't hear me.
I miss Brunswick. I really do. I don't necessarily miss the conditions we were in, but I miss that damn place. Life was different there. Maybe it's because of the small town environment compared the big city feel. I don't know. I just know that I've spent many nights wondering what things would be like if we moved back there. When we left, I was nothing. I didn't have anything. I didn't really know anything.
Now, well, I'm still nothing, but I have my car and this computer, and well, that's really it.
Oh, I have more confidence. So I guess some things have changed.
I guess it's all in perspective.
I have found myself thinking back though. It's not really something that I intended to do, but 99% of what I do isn't intended, so it's not really a departure from normal.
I know most of you won't believe it, but I'm a very private person. Yes, this site reveals a lot about me, but there's a lot that I wouldn't dare write in this site simply because some things aren't meant to be known. There are some things I don't want people to know, and there are some things that if written, could cause some serious harm in one way or another to either myself or someone I know, not in the physical sense, but in another sense. It's kind of hard to explain.
Some things I feel are emotionally charged. There are things that I might feel one day about how someone was that if I wrote them, but didn't really mean, they could do serious damage to any kind of friendship or other kind of relationship. In the past, I just wrote things and didn't care. I learned some hard lessons when the person I wrote about read how I felt on this site, then demanded some answers from me.
While I can't always say that I regret some things that I write, that's not really the point. It's kind of like thinking before you speak. You have to be careful in what you say because you don't know who might read it. That's half the reason why I haven't revealed the address to this site to anyone I work with. I've written things, most of which aren't accessible online right now, that I wish that I hadn't written.
Why don't I just go and change what I've written then? Because then it wouldn't be honest. It wouldn't accurately reflect the way I felt at the time. The whole idea of this journal is to portray my thoughts as they are now. Not to change what I've written because I don't want to offend someone.
I have bad days like everyone else. The only difference is my bad days sometimes show up on this site.
I guess the thing I'm trying to get across is that if I've written something about anyone that they've found to be offensive in any way, ask me about it. Don't get all huffy and puffy and never talk to me again. I'm not trying to get anyone mad, just trying to calm my ass down.
Take a chill pill.
The whole thing with Tabitha is now part of the past. I haven't been writing anything about the situation since about the middle of March after it was revealed to me that her mom didn't like what I was saying. I guess there's nothing I can really say about this without further risking making the situation worse, but I stand by what I wrote.
I can't really worry about how mad it might have made her or anything like that. The perception that I had was that a lot of people thought that this decision was either made for me by my mom, or influenced by some other force. I've done all the explaining that I can do, so there's no sense in saying anything else. There were things said on both sides that shouldn't have been said. I'm still not pleased with the comments involving my mom, but I can't help that. All I can help is that I know my mom much better than anyone in that family ever will and I know what my mom's capable of saying and not saying.
That being said, that's the end of it.
Furthermore, nothing in this site was ever meant as slander towards anyone else. I reserve the right to portray my side of what happened. I am protected by the first amendment and I will always use the first amendment to defend my statements. I am entitled to my own opinion and that's the bottom line. This is not a public forum site. This is MY web site with MY views. If something I say bothers you, then I suggest you do not come to this site in the future.
I do not appreciate finding out from anyone that someone has considered pressing charges against me for anything I write in this site. I am not going to be intimidated by that nor will I change how I write things. I just simply will not use anyone's name when writing something that could be offensive. If you think it's directed at you, then that's your own opinion.
This has bothered me for some time. I've had people ask me to stop writing about them in my site before and to stop writing what they perceived to be bad things about them, but never had anyone told me that someone was considering pressing charges. At first, I was stunned. Then I was like, fuck it. Now, I'm realizing that there was nothing to ever worry about.
This is my web site. What I write in this site is my own opinion. What I say is what I believe to be the truth, no matter what the situation. I stand by my words and my beliefs. I don't expect people to agree with me. I do expect people to have the decency to talk to me about what they read rather than completely blow up.
I in no shape, way, or form ever said that anyone I've been in contact with has been a bad person. I may have said that I didn't agree with how they were, what they said, or what they believed in, but I have never belittled anyone in this site.
I believe that the people who have felt that I have are wrong. I have an archive of everything I've ever written in this site. I have not found anything that I believe merits someone pressing charges. Just because you don't like it means that you can force it off this site.
Besides, most people already know that if you ask me, I'll consider it. Discussion is always an easier method than anything else. If you think I'm out of line, tell me.
Besides, hasn't everyone I know been through enough already?
I told you if I got going, this would go on forever. That's just how it goes though. I've always been that kind of a writer. If I'm on a roll, there's no limit to what I can do. If I can't get going, then the entries a dud.
Anyway, I made a couple of references way back at the start of the entry that I'm going to expand on. First off, I can't stand Carrot Top. He's about as unfunny a comedian as I've ever seen. Why AT&T thought he would be good to sell their product is beyond me. I change the channel when I see him.
I never could stand him though. Yeah, sometimes his props would be funny, but 9 times out of 10, I wanted to choke him and throw him into the middle of a busy highway. He's just annoying and I can't really pinpoint it.
Oh, yeah. Now I remember. He's not funny.
Seriously, I've watched him on tv. No one laughs during his act. You may hear the occasionally chuckle, but I think that it's because someone in the audience made fun of him and it was funnier than what he was doing.
He also has an annoying voice. You'd think that someone would've told him that by now and he would shut up, but he doesn't. He keeps trying to be funny. It's very painful sometimes too.
If you can't make me laugh, then you've got problems. It's easy to make me laugh and I love nothing more than watching someone try to make me laugh, usually with success. But him....I just can't do it. It's just too much to even fake it.
For my next rant, I take on alleged fans of the Cleveland Indians.
Let me exlain something to all of you. I've been a supporter of Cleveland teams since I was little. No matter how bad, how good, or how "blah" a team of ours has been, I've supported it. When the Indians lost 100 games, I was a fan. When they won 100 games, I was a fan. When the Browns were one of the best, I was a fan, when they came back and lost 14 games in 1999, I was a fan. Last year, I was a fan. When the Cavaliers were good, I was a fan, when they were okay, I was a fan, this year through all the bad games, I've been a fan.
A real fan doesn't just jump on the bandwagon because the team is good. A real fan supports their team no matter what. I admire all the fans in cities with bad teams who show up for games just because they love the sport and the team they're watching.
The most digusting thing in the world for me is when Michael Jordan comes to down and Gund Arena is filled with a bunch of people just there to see him. 20,000 fans, about 15,000 who could care less about the Cavs. I was sickened even more when the place erupted at the end of the game when Jordan made the game winning shot to BEAT THE CAVS! I wanted to strangle every person in the arena who cheered.
Bill Livingston was right. This city is a joke when it comes to people calling it the greatest sports town. Yeah, the people love sports, but they're different from all the other great sports towns in one way: they don't root for their own team.
I've spent all winter and spring listening to people say the Indians aren't going to be worth watching this year, that they won't watch them or support them, and that they could care less now since the Indians didn't sign every big name on the market.
I personally liked the Roberto Alomar trade. I didn't mind it when they didn't sign Juan Gonzales. I didn't really care when they didn't sign Manny Ramirez. If these players really wanted to stay, excluding Alomar, then why did they take the money and run? Oh, yeah, because it's not about money, but security.
Huh?
Did I miss something? If it was about security, then why'd Ramirez leave the organization that brought him and basically pampered him the whole way through? Why did he leave after the fans of Jacobs Field, in his last game there, give him a standing ovation after his last at-bat, which happened to be a home run?
The money. It's all about the money in sports.
If I didn't love them so much, I'd be disgruntled by now.
Anyway, enough bad-mouthing of the Indians. Give them a chance already. The season began today (6-0 win, by the way), but everybody seems to have written them off. I like their direction. I like their moves. Give it some time. No team, outside of the Yankees, is good forever.
I love Cleveland sports. It's who I am.
I spent Easter at my aunt's house in Strongsville. I got to see all my relatives again, including my dad.
It's not quite as awkward seeing my dad as it used to be. Yeah, he still says something strange every now and then, and it's still completely out of the blue, but it seems like he's trying to get it together. It will still take a lot to return things to where they could be, and it could still all fall right back apart, but I feel like there's hope.
I think this is also the first time that I've been with my family where my uncle Rich hasn't yelled at anyone. Then again, I didn't get there until around 7:30, so he probably yelled at one of the kids before I got there. Everyone else seemed to be in a good mood and I had some fun.
I'm not really concerned with everyone being happy with who I am, but I don't think I have to worry about that. At the same time, it seems like some of them haven't adjusted to me growing up. Last Christmas, uncle Rich yelled at me once and I did not respond to that well. I told him that I wasn't a child anymore and that he had no right to even raise his voice with me. There was no indication tonight of a carry-over efffect, but I'm still going to be wary of him. He may think he's all that, but I know who I am and I will not be treated like a little kid.
There really wasn't anything to ruin the mood tonight though. I played a little basketball with my cousins and watched the Indians season opener on tv, then I went home. It was really a nice night. I was kind of surprised. Usually someone yells at someone else, but I didn't see that. Everyone was cool, collected, and the general vibe was good.
I think I'm going to start trying to hang out with my cousin Mark though. He was hit by a car while riding his bike a few months back and it seems like he neeeds someone to play basketball with and just have a good time with. He's only a little younger than me and it might serve us both well. I'll have to talk to him though and see what he says. The one thing I'm going to have to make clear to him is that I won't tell him what he should or shouldn't do, nor will I encourage him to do anything.
Hopefully, this Easter is a sign that things are finally taming down with my family. Well, aside from my cousin's marriage deteriorating. That's a story in itself, one that I don't fully know yet.
I'm still trying to figure out how to work this story that I have brewing in my head. As I've mentioned before in this site, I want it to be a fictional story that's based on my life. I will make obvious and not-so-obvious references to my own life along the way, but I have yet to really decide exactly which way to go. I want it to start from some point in high school, though whether or not to start it from the beginning is still dancing in my head. However, starting it from the beginning would make for a very long novel if I'm going to base it on the last few years of my life.
Right now, it seems more and more likely that it will start either right before my character graduates and go from there. The past will be represented by stories that my character will either be remembering to himself or telling another person. I'm still refining it though.
I also know that this person is not going to be an accurate representation of me. Rather, it's going to be someone who has more friends, more of a life going than I ever had, but has the same kind of problems that I had. What's going to be included and excluded will be decided as I'm writing the story. It will be presented in chapter increments, and only after I'm satisfied with the chapter will I post it on this site.
I had briefly flirted with the thought of just writing it down and posting it as I go, but I've decided that I don't want to be posting a rough draft online and then have to change something suddenly after it's already gone up. It's too easy to lose someone if something in the story later points back to an element that was changed.
The increase in space that I've acquired since taking this web site to it's own domain name will help immensely. It will allow me to actually store the story on this site like I'm envisioning. Otherwise, I would've had to pull earlier chapters in order to accomodate the later ones.
I still don't know how long it's going to be, but I'm sure it will be fairly long. There's a lot to fit in, so it will be mostly decided on what decisions I make in terms of content and the like.
This should be an interesting idea that could either go very well or fly back at my face.
What do I have to say about the mess in the Middle East? Get everyone out of there that isn't an Israeli or claiming to be Palestinian and let them just take each other out. No force on Earth is going to stop these two sides from going at it, so all we're doing is wasting time, effort, and money to try and get them to stop. Their leaders may say one thing, but the people obviously stopped listening to their leaders months ago.
It's sad because I used to sympathize with Israel. Now I see that they're no better than the Palestinians and that neither side should receive sympathy from anyone. All each side is doing is killing each other's people and claiming revenge. It's silly, it's putrid, and it's hypocritical.
I still say that you should lock Sharon and Arafat in a room together and leave them for a week with just enough supplies to last that long.
For one person.
Or better yet, build a massive enclosure, throw all the Israelis and Palestinians into it, and let them just go at it inside.
I'm seriously sick of it all. Neither side wants any peace and neither side will be happy until the other side is wiped out. The whole Middle East is like that anyhow. They all hate each other and think the other country is inferior in some way. It's ludicrous, but then again, it's also human nature. After all, we see hate crimes here all the time.
Quite personally, I think there's a lot of things in this world that suck ass. Just my own opinion.
If someone brings up the whole Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake thing again I'm going to take them and beat them over the head with one of their cd's. I simply do not care if they have broken up or what the story is. Fact is, they are the only ones who really know how well the relationship was going, not the media or all these "experts". So just drop it already.
I think they're both great people and everything, but I have never been one to really take interest in any celebrity's personal life. It's really not any of my business, so I try to show some respect and not pay any attention to it. If Spears and Timberlake are separated, then good luck to both of them. Neither should have any trouble finding someone else to date. My god, every girl I know or hear seems to think he's hot shit, and I think most guys would love to think they have a chance at Spears.
But seeing that my chances of ever being in the same room as Spears are slim to none, I'm not going to waste my time pretending that I have any kind of realistic shot. Nor would I want to anyway. I think the hardest thing would be to date a celebrity. Suddenly, you're in the spotlight as well and that's not right. I think that any celebrity's personal life is their own business. It's not their fault that these magazines, internet sites, and stalkers have nothing better to do with their lives then try and act like they know what's going on with some celebrity. So give it a rest.
That's why I chuckled a few weeks ago when Sacramento Kings forward Chris Weber went on his tirade against the media after they had asked him about his personal life. He had every right to react the way he did and I don't feel sorry for the journalists. Personally, I think a lot of them are scumbags anyway.
It's because of reporters that we now have to separate our trash at work. Only a reporter would think to go through the trash of a drug store to see if you could obtain confidential information. Only a reporter would go digging through a dumpster. No one else does these things, but they want the big story so bad that they don't care what they're doing. I think all investigative reporters should be lined up and shot, one by one.
They're scum and nothing more.
TRIBE WATCH
MARCH 31, 2002
Indians, 6
Anaheim, 0
RECAP
Bartolo Colon pitched a 5-hit, complete game shutout and the Indians' offense scraped up enough runs to help win the season opener against the Anaheim Angels in Edison Field.
Colon became the first Indian in more than 20 years to throw a shutout on opening day and the first AL pitcher since 1993. Colon allowed five hits, walked two, struck out five, and threw 98 pitches in a game that lasted just 2 hours and 25 minutes.
The Indians started the scoring in the first inning. Matt Lawton walked, Omar Vizquel singled, and Lawton scored on a throwing error by Tim Salmon that allowed Vizquel to move up to second. Ellis Burks followed with a solid single and Jim Thome scored Vizquel with a bloop shot into center that appeared to fool the Angel outfield. Travis Fryman then singled to load the bases, but Ricky Gutierrez hit into a double play. With runners on second and third, the rally appeared to be short-circuited, but Milton Bradley hit a sharp single through the left side, scoring Thome and Fryman.
The Indians added another run on Fryman's solo home run to left-center and would score one more time.
Meanwhile, Colon was brilliant. After an eight pitch first inning, he seemed to be running into trouble in the second. He walked the lead-off batter, retired the next batter, walked another batter, but then retired the next two batters to end the threat. The angels didn't get their first baserunner to third base until the eighth inning, but Colon ended that rally by getting Tim Salmon to ground out.
Hey, Colon pitched tonight. It's a good sign that maybe this year, he's finally got it figured out. The best example came against Salmon. After a first pitch ball that was way up, he threw two straight sliders that fooled Salmon. Then, with Salmon completely helpless, he blew a 95-mph fastball right past him. In one word: awesome.
RECORD
1-0
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