MY LIFE - NOVEMBER

Thursday, November 2, 2000

I don't know how long this is going to be. You see, last night after I got offline, I was in my bathroom picking some stuff up and doing a bunch of other things when I went to straighten myself up into a normal standing position. I guess I forgot about this metal cabinet that's on the wall. I came right up into it and gave myself a pretty good thunk on the back of my head.

I had a pretty sizable headache the rest of the night, needless to say. Then I woke up and got the equivalent of a hangover. I did not want to get up today. I did not want to go to work. But I did. I got up. I got cleaned up. I got dressed. I shaved. I went to work in a pretty good daze. I know that people were wondering what the hell was wrong with me while I was at work. I swear, I couldn't read at times. I'd be looking at prescriptions and would just be drawing a blank on the simplest of things.

That's not a good thing to have happening to you when you're dealing with someone's health, and maybe even their life. So I stopped filling and let Angela do some of the work. Although by the time she got in around 5:15, I wasn't as bad. I was still out of it, but I don't think I was showing any signs of what I did to myself the previous night. Don't be fooled though. My head was pounding.

I knew the damn thing was there too. I've hit it before. I hit my head on things all the time. What's strange is that I don't hit my head in my hallway, even though the ceiling is right there. Everyone else hits it though. I'm the tallest one in the house and I don't hit my head going down my stairs. Everyone else does though. Then I go and do something like I did last night.

I'm hoping that it doesn't hurt tomorrow. If I still have a headache, I'll just call it a day even though I don't work at all. I just won't do anything. Actually, that's not true. I would try to get things done simply because I'm stupid and don't realize when I should rest. I'm probably getting sick too, but it won't stop me from doing what I think has to get done.

My older sister has been sick for about two weeks and was running a 100° fever. My mom's sick now with probably the same thing. Angela, the tech I've been training, had pneumonia last week. One of the techs at Berea warned me that she's been sick. It's inevitable, at least if you ask me.

Oh well. Like I'm really going to be concerned over something like that anyway.

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Right now I'm really wondering about my older sister though. She comes home like once every two weeks, makes a huge mess, then leaves again to god-knows what she's doing. I can't tell if she lives her or not. She keeps most of her stuff here, but she's never here herself. She eats the food here. She drinks all my pop. She's uses the place as a storage center.

But I don't think she actually lives here. Then she'll go and complain about not having money, then disappear for two weeks. She buys all these toys and things that I don't see any use for. She goes out all the time. She has sixteen million pairs of shoes. She has more clothes than most small countries.

But she doesn't have any money. She's borrowed from me in the past. That doesn't always say a whole lot. Borrowing from your little brother? I mean, how bad can things be going? She's the one that paid over $900 for our dog. I'm still going through sticker shock over that. She's never even home to see him. We take care of him. Not her, us.

But she has no money.

I just don't understand it anymore. I love her and everything, but I just don't get what's going on inside her mind. I've told my mom time and time again that she needs to stop letting my sister use this place as a storage center. That room she doesn't use but fills up with extra junk? That could be a computer room or an extra room for us. All that stuff she has in the basement? If you don't use it or need it, why have it?

We could be using that basement for something, albeit not much. I'm just really curious what she thinks she's doing. Does she really think this is the way things should be? I just don't understand why she lives the way she lives.

Maybe I don't want to. I don't know.

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I know my schedule for Berea now. I start on Sunday from 2-10pm. I haven't worked a Sunday in a long time. I think earlier this year was the last time, but that was just because we had closed Saturday and we expected to get slammed on Sunday. Before that, I don't know when the last time was. It has to have been at least two, almost three years.

I've worked one Sunday in the two years I've been in the pharmacy and I only worked every once in a while on Sunday before that. The idea was I was more useful during the rest of the week then on Sunday. So this is going to be a real change of pace for me in every sense. I'm not so sure I'm looking forward to it, but I'm the idiot who said I could work whenever needed.

I guess it won't be so bad. The techs there seem to be looking forward to working with me and the one even said she'd see me Sunday and said it should be interesting. I'm hoping that the mood stays that way since it might get really interesting otherwise. But I'm not going to go and cause trouble. I'm not in any kind of mood to do that. I just want to fit in and enjoy my time there.

I work from either 2-10 or 3-11 the rest of the week with Wednesday and Friday being my days off. Steve said that wasn't going to be a permanent deal with the scheduling. He seemed almost apologetic when telling me what he had me scheduled for. I told him it sounded okay, that I didn't have any conflicts coming up. I'm really fine with it. It's just going to be weird. It's also going to be weird working at 2 on a Saturday after more than three years of having to work at 9am.

I'm not going to complain though. I don't do anything anyway. It's not like I'm missing out on a life over this.