MY LIFE - NOVEMBER
Saturday, November 4, 2000
Today was a bit gut-wrenching for me at work. It was my last day at the store and I wondered what things will be like both for me and for the store. My first impression is that everyone I've worked with is going to miss me and that the store won't be the same from this point on. For me, it's the wonder if I'll fit in as well at Berea as I have at Strongsville.
I worked there for three years and it just doesn't seem very real to me right now. I know that tomorrow I have to be at work at 2. It's strange though because I haven't had to work a Sunday in such a long time. Three years at one job seems to be pretty good now and I'm proud for the amount of time I've put in. I feel I've learned a lot at that store and I've had some great times. I've met some great people and seen the side of retail most people don't know exists.
I still remember my first day. This was my first job, and while I'm still with the company, it doesn't quite feel that way for me. It feels like a page has been turned in the story of my life, a page that's now etched in stone. Everything I've accomplished and everything I've done is just a memory now. There will be no more exploits with the people there except when I return for a week to cover a vacation.
Those people, while technically my coworkers with the company, are no longer the people I will see everyday. Everything I've grown accustomed to is part of my already extensive past. The things I've seen, the customers I've taken care of, they're all part of my history and things I won't be seeing much of anymore. I'll be going to a busier store that uses automation and has a drive-thru, something my old store doesn't have. I'll have to change my habits and get myself into a different frame of mind.
People have asked me all week if I'm nervous about the transfer. I'm not nervous about the transfer at all. I'm not nervous about working at the Berea store because I've worked there a few times already. I know what's expected of me. I'm sure Steve has made everyone think I'm practically made of gold, at least judging from the way that people have been asking when I transfer that already work there.
I know that I have to go in there and show just how much I've learned, how much I can do. I want them to realize that I'm fully capable of handling the high stress job there. I want them to know that I'm going to do just fine. I want to show the people at my old store that I'm not making a mistake in this, like they had initially told me. I have a lot to prove with this transfer. I want to show that I'm going to be able to handle this and even enjoy it a little bit.
I want to add some stability to an unstable pharmacy. People quit there like there's no tomorrow. Remember when I mentioned Tabatha a few weeks back? She just quit for some reason or another. It might have to do with her not being able to balance school work and the difficult work at the store. If that's the case, I completely understand and wish her luck, even though I would have liked to work with her a little bit more before she quit.
I have to work hours that weren't initially part of the deal. I'm not bitter over this. I accept this since I told Steve I was going to do what was necessary to help. I'm not going over there to cause trouble. I'm going over there to advance myself and to help out as much as possible. I'm curious as to what I'm getting myself into. I feel that I'll fit in perfectly since I don't rattle easily and I'm generally easy to get along with. If nothing else, I'm quiet if there's nothing for me to say.
Will there be problems? I'm sure of it. But I'm not going to let the thought of something going wrong scare me into not making this decision. I have a shot at being a lead tech at this store. While I won't be upset if I can't reach that aspiration, I'll do my hardest so that I could say that I least tried and was beaten by someone more competent anyway.
I'm not a leader anyway. But the prospect of being lead tech interests me. After all, if I can handle working pharmacy and playing shift supervisor, this ought to be a cake walk.
As for everyone at my old store, I hope things go well for them. I hope that the company finds the store a new location. I hope that business picks back up. I hope that everything works out for all the employees there. I hope that Angela doesn't have a nervous breakdown and quit suddenly. I didn't leave that store because I didn't like it there anymore.
I left because it was time for a change, time for a new challenge.
Today was uneventful though for the most part. People for the most part either thanked me or wished me luck with the new store. Lenny complimented me on showing up when I was scheduled and not playing games with when I was to work and not to work. This year I used three personal days, two of them unavoidable with the third one being for my birthday. I used one week of vacation time with one more week coming.
I rarely called off, even when I was really sick because that's who I was. I'm not someone who's going to just call off and leave the rest of the store hanging unless it's really serious. I don't think I called off more than three or four times in a year, which is still a lot for many people, but it's a lot better than most of the people I worked with. The worst thing I did was sometimes wake up late, which was usually met with more joking around than anything else.
I did what I was supposed to do and had more responsibility than most people my age will ever have. For one year I was just front store, doing some register work, doing stock, and learning the ropes of the more important aspects. For a while, I was being billed as Mike's eventually replacement. When I went into the pharmacy in August of 1998, that changed everything for me. No longer was I interested in replacing Mike. I was interested in what I was doing and nothing else.
For a while I was strictly pharmacy, but then the employee shortage we usually had made me do both pharmacy and front store work. I was constantly balancing two or more duties. I had to watch to make sure the pharmacy didn't get creamed and I had to make sure that I was doing whatever I was supposed to do up front as well as I could.
Then I was handed some keys and told I was going to close every now and then if I agreed to do so. I did and that started a whole new responsibility for me. But I was fine with this. Handling the money and making sure everything balanced came easy to me. It didn't bother me either way and I was cool with it at first.
But all good things come to an end and I eventually grew dissatisfied. I had been told what I was doing was temporary and it seemed more permanent with each passing week. Lenny and Mike were constantly at it last last year into this year and the other employees seemed to be more edgy too. I grew tired of the complaining, grew tired of doing six things at once, and started asking to have my responsibilities reduced.
Then in May of this year, I was approached by Steve to transfer to Berea. I didn't really think I'd do it at first, but as the last week has shown, I warmed to the idea. So now I'm leaving the store I've worked at for three years for a store that I wasn't sure about to begin with. I'll never forget some of the people I've worked with. Debbie, Tom, Mike, Donna, Lenny, Carol, Crystal, Jacqui, Jeff, Jenny, Stacy, and so many more.
I'm leaving the store, but the memories will stay with me forever. Thanks guys, for all the fun times we had with what we were doing.
Speaking of Crystal, she came by to get some boxes I had agreed to save for her from our last warehouse delivery. We ended up talking for about half an hour about what was going on with each other. It was pretty clear that she missed me and I'm sure it was clear that I missed her too. We were so close as friends when she ended up leaving last year and it feels like a friendship that will both of us will remember no matter where our lives go.
She told me about what she had been doing, what her life had been like, and I told her what was going on with me. I told her where I lived, about my transfer, about what had happened with the store since she left. She saw my car and we just talked some more once we got outside. I walked with her to her car and we just stood there looking at each other as she got ready to leave.
She asked for a hug and I gave it to her. But it's never easy to say goodbye to someone you care about, especially when you don't know when you might see that person again, if ever. She looked at me for a moment longer, than said she wanted another hug so we hugged again. She said she'd try to stop by my store to see me if she was in the area and we said our goodbyes.
She's someone I care about so much. We've both been through so much in our lives and we understand each other so well. I sometimes think I'm the only one who treats her like a real human being all the time, not when I'm looking for something from her. She still sounds disenchanted with her boyfriend, but it sounds like she's going to stick with him.
I just hope that everything works out for her. I hope to see her again soon, but won't be mad if we don't talk for a long time, if at all. We already know what we've meant to each other.
Like everyone else I've met, I wish her the best of luck in what she does. I hope she manages to make it through this part of her life and I hope she lives to have a much better life in the long run. She deserves it.
I've been kind of overwhelmed by my emotions all day today. Those who've talked to me at all probably noticed it. I haven't been able to find words to really describe how I feel, nor do I know if I really want to talk to anyone tonight anyway. I don't know if what I might say will make sense. I just know that I'm just sorting through everything that's been going on, trying to get a handle on things.
It's really strange because I feel at ease right now. I'm very calm, very collected. I feel no worries what-so-ever about anything. It's almost like everything I might worry about just doesn't matter. I feel very carefree. I don't know if it's from the fact that I'm changing stores and I'll be working at Berea now instead of Strongsville. I don't know if it's from realizing that things can go right with nothing going wrong in the process.
If tomorrow goes smooth, who knows? Maybe all that junk about something bad happening when something good happens will disappear. I'm caught up on my bills. I have a car payment due in two weeks, giving me two weeks to gather up the money needed. That won't be a problem. Soon my mom will be getting me the $350 she borrowed from me for the mortgage a few months back.
I feel good right now, despite the feeling of being overwhelmed by everything that's gone on. Any conversations won't reflect this necessarily, especially if people try talking to me while I'm writing this or the two stories that I've resumed work on, but it's there. I don't even care that there isn't anything new in my e-mail inbox from anyone today. It doesn't bother me that there really wasn't anyone online tonight to talk to.
I just feel good right now. I feel very calm. I feel like I'm getting back to my old self. All I need is some rubber bands and a good target to complete the feeling.
This probably isn't the longest entry that I've written, but it feels like it. I just have so much to say on what's going on in my mind right now with what happened today. I feel emotional, but not in the way that's often left me confusing people and myself wondering what's wrong with my sorry ass. No, I'm emotional, but it's because it was my last day. I've surprised myself with how much I'm feeling right now.
It's funny because a 20 year-old is the last person you'd think would become attached to a job so much that he'd feel sad for leaving it. A few months ago, I would never have guessed this is how I'd feel. I didn't think I'd even think twice about it, but that's all changed over the last couple weeks since I learned how much I might be missed at the store. All the comments made to me, all the things that people have said.
I have no bitterness towards anything that has happened to me in the last few months. I have nothing but good thoughts about those I worked with, even though I got annoyed sometimes at what was going on. The good things just outshine the bad things. I don't regret the decision to transfer, but today was a lot harder at the end than I thought it would be. I had visions of me just getting all my stuff together and leaving.
It wasn't that easy.
I went through a round of goodbyes and good-lucks from the people I worked with. I then had to look back at the store that I've been a part of since 1997. This was my first job. I guess I'm more attached to it than most people would be to their first job. As I walked away, it really hit me that this was the last time that I'd be doing this (aside from the whole covering the vacation thing later this month).
No longer was this old, beat up, neglected store going to be where I worked. It was weird leaving it at 5:30. It's not the best looking joint, but it helped me make money and become a more responsible person. It helped me grow up a bit. The people helped me regress a little bit with the squirt gun wars and the flying rubber bands.
There are just somethings you can't forget. This is going to be one of them. At least until tomorrow when I work at the new store.
For a while, I wasn't sure if I was really wanted over there aside from being an extra person to help out. The few times that I've worked there, I've found that people are actually interested in me and genuinely want me to come over there. Everytime I worked there, they'd ask me when I was transfering. When I told them I didn't know, they told me they hoped it was soon.
I guess I never thought of myself as being someone who was wanted anywhere aside from at home when my mom was around. I never thought that much of myself. Now I've found out that I'm someone who's wanted at two different stores, even though my old one is now without me.
It's given me a better idea of how much I'm worth and what people think of me. I don't think I'll think any more of myself in the future (especially once I start goofing up), but it's a confidence booster to know that people enjoy my company and like working with me. My personality and all my quirks have actually been working to my advantage for these past three years.
I'll always have doubts, but at least now I can look back at what's happened and say "hey, people actually like being around sometimes."
Now would someone please come to my house with a giant pin and deflate my head before this really gets schlocky?
My mom's doing better, this was made evident by her repeatedly telling me she needed chocolate milk. Then she started listing more things she needed, most of them starting with chocolate. She's still sick, but she's at least able to move around a little bit, unlike the last two days where she was pretty much attached to the couch.
My older sister is still trying to get over it, but when you don't rest, you don't get better that fast. She's obviously not resting that much and I haven't seen her home much aside from a couple of stops the last couple of days. That's the way things go with her though. I'm all right with it. I'm not going to worry about what she's doing.
I spent much of the evening and night up in my room, either watching tv or talking with a couple of people online. One person seemed to respect that I was writing this entry and didn't really talk to me long. Another talked to me for a while longer, but she didn't stick around online too long either. I guess it's okay. It wouldn't of been fair to them anyway to talk to me too much while I was writing this.
I've just been too focused on this, although I had a good talk with Diane. Congratulations with your choir concert. I'm glad you had fun and that it went so well.
Other than that, tonight really wasn't a night for me to talk. Tomorrow won't be that much better. I'll try to e-mail everyone I talk to before I go to bed.
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