MY LIFE - NOVEMBER

Wednesday, November 8, 2000

Today did not start off that good. I woke up once at around 9am with a massive headache. I got up, used the bathroom, and I think I was out before my head hit the pillow. I didn't wake up again until about 12:30pm, which has been rare for me lately. Usually I wake up once every hour, but that didn't happen today. When I slept, I really slept. There was no turning back this time.

I didn't feel any better at 12:30, so I kind of stayed in my bed for a while before finally pulling myself up to see if there was anything to eat. There wasn't, I didn't really care that much, and I didn't feel that great either so I went back upstairs to my room to watch tv and play a video game for a while. After about three hours of that, I finally felt it was time to get some things done.

I got up and went to Strongsville to get my mom's medicine. I would've transfered it to my store yesterday, but the medicine she needed was profiled and had to be initially filled at that store. I got there and the fill in who was working just didn't seem to be working very fast. He seemed like he just couldn't keep up without any help, which he didn't have. It took about 30 minutes before he got to the script for my mom, then he tried to tell me it was too old.

I went up there and pointed out in my mom's profile the script that was profiled from last June. Written scripts are good for six months which meant this one was still good. He finally got it ready and I was finally able to leave after some chatting with some old coworkers who thought maybe I was running back to my old store. I told them that wasn't the case at all.

After I got out of there, I went back home and hadn't been home longer than maybe ten minutes when my mom came knocking at my door, asking me if I could drive her around. I agreed to, after I finished drying off the dishes I had just washed.

We ended up going out to dinner and stopping at a few other places before finally deciding to go back home. We were gone for about two hours and it was fun. I got to eat dinner, which was my mom's way of saying happy birthday about a week and a half late, and she didn't have to drive around where she wanted to go. I told her she was using me for my car as a joke and she said I was right.

I got home, finally got online after about six or seven tries, and talked to a few people before they signed off. I took care of my e-mail and had a pretty enjoyable evening after a rather miserable start to the day. So the day could have been a lot worse than it was.

I have to work tomorrow, so let's hope that I don't feel the way I felt this morning. I'm a difficult person to deal with when I don't feel good. I get crabby and it's very noticeable. I don't mean it, but I'm only human.

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Humans are fickle things, aren't we? I've heard and see so many things happen in my life to either myself or someone else and it just makes me sick. The amount of child abuse going. Sexual assaults, physical assault, murders, robberies. It all just makes me shake my head. Everytime I see something happen or hear about something that's happened to someone, I wonder what's going on with this world.

It's like when that cheerleader from Connecticut was raped while at a bar in Akron a few weeks ago. I read that and couldn't understand why that had to happen. I mean, I know that everyone thinks cheerleaders are easy and that anyone who's in a club dancing with strangers deserves what they get, but let's get real people. No one deserves that. No one, no matter how bad the person might be. If it happens to a person who's otherwise good, then it really makes me wonder.

I could never do that to anyone. I have so much respect for women in general that I wouldn't be able to bear the thought of possibly doing something like that. I can't even hit another girl unless it's just joking around. I saw it happen too much with my own dad. Even if I get mad at the girl in question, I can't hit. I'm not a violent person at all. It's just not me. I don't like arguing. People find this hard to believe.

When all you used to hear was fighting, arguing was the last thing you want to be a part of. I don't mind debating things, but I can't stand arguing. I'll walk away or say whatever before I get drawn into a fight.

That's how I've always handled conflicts though. If I disagree with someone, I'll say so and say that I could be wrong. Or I'll just say that they're allowed to feel the way they feel and just let it die right there. I don't escalate things unless I'm really fired up over something. Or if someone I care about is being threatened. Then I'll get right into the middle of it and stop it right there.

But all these things I see happen. I just don't get it. I see people doing all these terrible things and breaking the law all the time. People who like to cause trouble. I don't get it. What's the point? You break the law, get into trouble, then complain when the police watch you like you're going to do something again. I hate listening to people talk about how bad the police are. They aren't bad. The idiot who broke the law is bad. It just boggles my mind.

But this world will never make sense to me. If it did, it would be a lot easier to live in. I guess it wouldn't be so interesting either.

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Dick Feagler's been quiet the last couple days. I haven't had a good reason to go and bash him like I had a month or two ago. I talked to my mom about him and she confirmed what I had believed to be what was going on, why people like him hated what what younger people seem to enjoy.

The morals in this country have changed. No one wants to admit it, but that's what happened. No longer is sex looked at as something you save for marriage. There are people my age who've been having sex for four or five years now. Oral sex is probably one of the biggest things. I go to forums online and see girls asking for advice on how to perform oral sex.

I've seen girls openly admit to performing it and other sexual acts. But this kind of thing is no longer hush-hush in this country. Pornography is a multi-million dollar industry for a reason. People like sex and aren't afraid to have it with people they probably won't marry. This is a moral that's changed with time.

But older generations won't accept that. It's understandable too. They hold themselves to a different standard. I myself, I don't know what I'd do if a situation involving sex came up with me. I won't know until something like that comes up. I doubt that I'd be ready for it though. Those are my feelings though. Other guys don't care who it's with as long as it's with someone.

I always heard things like "I need to get laid" when I was in high school. This was from a freshman girl when I was a senior. Things like that are heard all the time. Same with drinking and smoking. It's more and more popular now and I still can't figure out what the appeal is. How can something that can kill you become so popular and second-natured? HOW??

I can understand social drinking, that is one or two drinks every now and then. I can't understand why people my age need to get drunk. Why? What is the point? All you're doing is setting the stage for some major problems. You don't know what you're going to do while you're drunk and you won't remember anything either. Why bother with it then? Why waste yourself?

And drug use. Everyone claims that drugs help you. Sure, you'll feel better, but the long-term damage is something I don't care for. This is something I just don't get either though. So many people waste themselves away on drugs, from petty things like marijuana to the more serious drugs like crack, cocaine, and things like ecstasy.

But the morals overall are changing with each generation. What's bad to one generation may not be so bad to the next one. Violent movies, video games, and music lyrics horrify those who are older. For me, it's just something else to pass the time. I don't watch movies and imitate things. I'm too smart for silly shit like that. I don't listen to rap and pretend that I'm going to be the next gangsta out there.

I know it's just music and nothing more. I'm fine with it. Older people aren't though. They find it offensive, just like they find what President Clinton did to be so terrible. I didn't exactly agree with what he did, but I'm one of those people who think what he did in the privacy of his own time his own problem. We don't need to know what was going on, nor do we care as long as he does the job.

The morals in this country have changed though. When the next generation comes up, they'll change again. It's the way it's been and the way it will always be. So stop making such a big deal out of stupid things.