MY LIFE - NOVEMBER

Tuesday, November 14, 2000

There are two people in the pharmacy where I work that I would like nothing better to do than to strangle and hang from the ceiling right now. That's a little too arcane though and not really my style. I'm just mad at two of the people I work with and not so much that I want to murder them, but rather just give them an earful and let them know how selfish they sound.

I'll start with the tech who's done nothing but complain since I came over. She's either complaining about how much she works each week, how much she does while working, or how much she's not getting paid to do the work she's doing. Yes, she works six days a week at times. Yes, she's had some rough stretches. She, however, doesn't always do that much while working. She takes one cigarette break after another. She'll eat in the back of the pharmacy, and while back there, refuse to do anything at all.

When she's filling, she won't help get the drive-thru or answer the phone, yet everyone else is expected to do so. Then she has the gall to complain about not having enough to do while filling, calling anyone who's typing a slow-poke, regardless of how many problems that person might have just taken care of. I spent all night ringing register, answering the phone, and covering drive-thru because she was too busy filling scripts that weren't coming in for another day.

It got to the point where I wanted to scream at her, but that wasn't going to get any results. She's got a mouth on her and certainly wouldn't care what I thought about the situation, so I just kept doing my job and hoping that maybe a customer would say something, but it didn't happen. One of the pharmacists was on my side, but he hadn't gotten very far, at least in securing a break for me. He then was talked down to by the other pharmacist who had come in, much to his dismay.

I got my break at last at 9. I had been working since 3 so it was about two hours later than I would've liked it to be. The one pharmacist and the tech had been so concerned with getting a count on the inventory that they didn't give a shit about my break. They just didn't care. That made me mad more than anything else. I didn't care that it was busy. I was upset because I wasn't getting a break and the other tech had already taken two cigarette breaks. That pissed me off.

I didn't appreciate the lack of assistance, but I managed that. The pharmacist that worked tonight didn't make me any happier. She seemed more interested in bitching about how the count had to get done and that she didn't care about anything else. She's already been cold to me in the past and doesn't seem to be too kind to me now either. Whether it has to do with her attitude towards Steve, I don't know.

I didn't appreciate the events that took place tonight. Yes, we're short of help. Yes, someone goofed by not getting this count done in time, but that doesn't mean you sacrifice everything else to get it done. Your life is not going to end if you don't. I didn't need to be treated like I was treated and I didn't deserve to be sacrificed to do four things at once without any help.

However. I have to move on with things. I'm not going to hold a grudge. It won't get me anywhere and is stupid to even think about something like that. There's such a thing as an eye for an eye and I intend to make use of that kind of thing if this keeps up. If I'm going to be treated like shit, then maybe in the future I won't be so kind or forgiving.

I gave up working at an easier store to work at this one. I'm not going to quit, but I'm also not going to put up with bullshit like this.

It's one thing if we're short on help. It's another thing if the people working refuse to do extra to make it a little easier.

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I haven't been feeling too good the last couple of days, which has contributed to my attitude tonight. I was difficult to talk to over the weekend and I know that some people are probably wondering what the hell's wrong with me. I've just been going through the motions the last couple of days. A lot has been happening and will continue to happen. Thanksgiving's coming up next week and I have to decide if I'm really going to go to my aunt's or not. I'm not sure if I want to deal with my dad's family that much, especially after everything that's happened.

There's always a chance that's he out since his rehab's over. I don't know about that though. I don't know if they'd release him or if they'd keep him longer because of what he did. I'm so unsure that I'll probably call my grandparents and find out.

I don't want to get there and run into him. I don't know how I'll react. I don't know how he'll react or how any of my family will react, although everyone's been fairly supportive so far. I'm not sure if I want to risk it though. All sorts of "what if's" keep running through my head. What if he's holding something against me? What if he acts like nothing happened at all?

I don't know how I'll react to anything he might say. I still have so much resentment in me, resentment that won't go away simply because all he's put me and my family through. I don't care about the drug use. He still made the choice to use the drugs. Yet saying that makes me feel like I'm short-changing him, like I'm not giving him a chance to redeem himself.

I guess I'm confused right now. I don't know what to say or do with my dad. I don't know if I'll ever know.

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I don't feel good right now. I have a pounding headache, the kind that will probably be with me in the morning when I try to wake up. Tomorrow doesn't look like a day where I'll get much, if anything done. I do have to go to my old store to check my schedule for next week when I cover a vacation there and I have film to pick up (including pictures of my car), but I don't know when I'll be getting there.

I also don't know if I'll be up to doing anything else. Right now, I'm planning to just watch some movies for a while tomorrow. I have a couple of them I borrowed from Mike that I really need to give back to him, but haven't watched yet, so I'll probably watch them on the vcr that doesn't like videos anymore. I don't know what to expect from them and don't even know if I'll like them. I guess I'll find out.

I don't feel very inspired right now. I don't feel much of anything for that matter. I'm not even mad anymore, despite what happened. Aside from my dad, I don't hold grudges very well. I don't stay mad at people. It's not who I am. I know when I work with that tech again, I'll be joking around with her, even though her humor is very vulgar. I can't live with myself being mad at people I don't really know.

Does that make me weak, or does it just prove that I'm human? There's a lot I don't know right now. Maybe I don't want to know the answers either.

Or maybe I just don't care right now.