MY LIFE - NOVEMBER

Social Experiment #291 - Saturday, November 23, 2002

I'll admit it right now. I don't understand people who hate themselves, the world, or anything else for that matter. I don't get it, don't know why it happens, and frankly, I find it to be a waste of time.

For example, there are a lot of people out there who say that they hate a certain kind of person, whether it be preps, punks, goths, whatever. I hate labels so I'm highly uncomfortable talking about labels as it is. I find it very curious when I see in someone's profile online that they think that this kind of person is bad because they do this. I don't understand y'all, I don't.

I've tried to look at it from another perspective, typically the punk perspective towards the preps, but even then, I can't see a reason for hating a prep for any other reason that they are, well, more popular. I know I'm going to take a lot of heat for saying that since every person who's not a prep claims to "not care" about being popular, but think about it for a minute. They say they might hate a prep because they wear trendy clothes. Well, that's a pretty petty reason to hate someone. They say because preps are stuck up and snobbish. What do you think you're doing by saying that? You're being snobbish yourself.

They claim that preps only care about being popular and only associate with those who are like them. Well, maybe being popular is important to them, but so what? The second part of that is even more ludicrous because chances are, you're only hanging out with people who are like you.

Throw the conformity argument out the window now too. I hate seeing someone say they hate conformity and all that shit. Let me take a wild stab and say that the only people you're hanging around are people like you, isn't that a conformity issue there? You see someone who looks like you who's wearing something you like. I'm willing to bet that you're thinking that would be cool to have yourself. That's conformity right there.

All the arguments about why people hate another group of people are just, well, stupid. Yes, I can understand the validity of not wanting to hang out with "jerks," but who gives a flying fuck if someone wears trendy clothes, fishnets, or has more piercings than articles of clothing?

Who cares if they listen to Britney Spears, Eminem, Marilyn Manson, or Nelly? That shouldn't be what you base your friends on in the first place, why are you using it to determine whether to hate someone or not?

The whole thing behind people hating preps is based around a few people who are complete assholes. There are people who are popular and who act like jerks towards those that aren't like them. If you don't like being treated that way, why are you doing it back? I know a lot of people who would fit all the general "cliques" of people and they're all cool people. How come I can see past the differences in what we like in terms of clothes and music and the like, but a lot of you can't?

I find it to be silly and disturbing all at once. I saw in one girl's profile that she hated sports and conformity. She was a goth girl and she also stated that sunlight was her enemy.

I looked at what she had written and wondered if she realized that she was contradicting herself. She hates sports, that's fine. A lot of girls hate sports, but it's at that very point that she contradicts the conformity statement. Hating sports would make her like millions of other people in this country. Therefore, she's conformed to the "I hate sports" club.

I'm sure that if I tried to point this out, I'd get a tirade full of expletives in return though.

I do have a point to all this, I just haven't gotten there yet.

A question on Bolt asked what you thought of when you saw the word "prep." Most of the answers listed were from people who weren't preps (obviously) and most were along the lines of "someone who wears trendy clothes and is very stuck-up."

All I could do is shake my head and try to answer in what I felt to be an honest assessment of a "prep." My first line was to say how I hated labels, that it really didn't serve any other purpose than to give people a reason to hate each other. My second line was that I knew a lot of people who were considered preps who weren't jerks, weren't stuck-up, who were really nice people.

That's the honest truth too. Not every person you see who is wearing expensive clothes and looks like a million bucks is a jerk. Yes, some are, but that's the case for all kinds of people. Everyone has a different sense of style, a different way that they want to look. They shouldn't be yelled at, bashed, and stamped into the mud because of it.

Why are some people mad that other people have more money? Why are some people hung-up over the fact that someone has more than another person? Why? I personally don't give a shit about how much money someone else has. That's never been a determining factor for whether I'd talk to someone or not. Never.

The whole point is we spend a lot of time hating another kind of person without even knowing them. The same people who claim to hate it when someone judges them is judging themselves. The people who are complaining about how they aren't good enough to hang with a more popular person is the same person who's rejecting someone else that they don't like. It works both ways, but it's amazing how blind most people are to that.

You can't hate someone without knowing them. You shouldn't hate someone without talking to them first. If they're mean, fine, leave them alone. But try talking to different kinds of people.

You'd be amazed at what you'd find out.

---

Today was one of those days where you just decide that you aren't going anywhere, you aren't going to do a thing, and if someone doesn't like it, they can kiss your ass.

I still feel a little weird though. I found out Tuesday that I'm on Rose's (coworker) list of possible dates. I'm still not sure how to feel about it. Rose, well, Rose thinks very highly of herself. She's one of those people that's too smart for their own good. She knows a lot of things about a lot of different things, so I'd feel pretty stupid around her most of the time.

She's not that bad-looking, but from working with her, she can really grate on you in a hurry. Not only does she walk around like she's the best thing around, but she also has very strong opinions on things that you can't challenge her on. More than once we've had a difference of opinion on a particular subject.

I guess I'm not sure what to make of her considering me as a possible date. It's kind of flattering (seeing as I never thought that I was the type that she could like), but it's also something to be wary on as well.

Mostly I've been thinking about Jeny though.

This is the kind of situation that really drives me mad. Not only does she sound like a really great girl, but she's really easy to talk to and she has a very open mind. She's a girl that I could see myself with, with the exception of one minor little detail.

She lives in California.

Okay, so it's a pretty big detail. That's the trend though. The only girls that ever seem to want to get with me are all far away from me. I've talked to several really attractive, nice girls online since I made my return to the online world last February, but almost all of them live far from me, so it's not going to happen.

However, it's a little different with Jeny. I've told her things, talked with her about things that I've NEVER talked about with any other person. Things I never thought I'd ever say or talk about, I've said to her. She's been fair and said things to me that she admitted she doesn't say to just anyone.

We've shared all kinds of things with her and she's started to get me thinking about a few things.

One would be an online relationship, but that's something I really don't want to mess around with. I also don't really know what she'd think about that kind of thing, but chances are good that she wouldn't want to mess around with it either. It can create more problems than it solves.

Another thing is a possible trip for one of us, either me out to California or her to come out here. This is the one thing that we've really discussed, even me taking a week of vacation time next summer and spending it out there. I would be willing to do this if it became financially feasible.

The more extreme measure would involve either me moving to California or her moving here. That's something I'd have to think long and hard about, especially since it would place me so far from my family. However, if things continue to go at the rate they've been going, it would certainly be a possibility down the road.

It's the kind of thing that frustrates me, along with meeting girls here who are already involved with someone else. It all comes down to one thing: it's easier to talk to someone online than in person. I can tell a girl she's beautiful here and not worry about it coming back to bite me in the ass. I either get something saying "thanks," nothing, or in some cases, a return compliment.

I can tell a girl that she's pretty, I can tell a girl that she's a really cool girl, I can do all of these things and not worry about it being a problem. If she doesn't like what I said, we don't talk anymore and I don't have to worry about running into her unexpectedly. There's very little rejection online.

The internet can also be a huge confidence builder. The only people you're generally going to hear from are people who think that you're attractive and think you're a cool person. I don't get messages saying that I'm ugly and that I'm not worth talking to. I only hear from a girl if she thinks I'm cute (the MOST common compliment I get) and/or I'm nice.

I find it interesting how many people who are shy in person are more outgoing online. It's something that fascinates me, but that's probably because I can still be pretty shy.

Ah, the internet. What a wonderful thing.

---

I've been testing out a story idea I've had in my journal on Bolt. I know I've said before that I was thinking of a couple of story ideas, so I don't expect anyone to get all bent out of shape that I'm testing it there instead of here, but I'm working on how I want to do it, and the best way was for me to do it there.

If it works out well, I'll start rewriting it in this site, probably on its own page. Right now I'm writing it in small installments, but if I write it on here, it'll be in larger chunks with a little more substance to it. I'm keeping it simple in my other journal simply to preserve space and get a feel for what I'm doing.

Basically, what I'm writing is somewhat based upon how I went through high school with a lot of fictionalizing. I didn't want it to be directly based up on my experience because that would be a very boring story. I also realized that I needed to change some things to progress the story I'm going to be trying to tell.

If it goes well, you'll understand what the hell I'm talking about soon enough.

I decided to buy a new cologne today. I've been using Curve for a while now, so I'm going to try Cool Water and see how that goes. Check that. I'm going to use it until it's empty since it only cost me over $40. Shit's expensive, let me tell you.

The thing that made my day? Waking up at 4:30pm, not having to work on a Saturday, and finding out the Buckeyes beat Michigan.

All in all, not too shabby of a day, if you ask me.