MY LIFE - NOVEMBER

Friday, December 1, 2000

So there haven't been any entries for three days now. I guess I should at least try to explain what was going on for two of those days, Wednesday and yesterday when I was sick. Tuesday, I was just tired and didn't feel like writing so I guess I took the day off, although you couldn't really call it a day off since I worked my ass off again and didn't think twice of it like usual.

I didn't write Wednesday because I did get really sick. I didn't wake up feeling great, but that was just because of the headache I had and nothing else. I took care of some things that I wanted to get done, although not what I intended because of how I felt. I did my traveling, stopped to get some things from the grocery store, opened up a package of lasagna and pretty much wolfed it down.

It didn't take long for me to figure out that eating wasn't going to be easy for at least a couple days as my stomach immediately went into protest and really started to hurt. I had been online at the time and was going to start on an entry for Tuesday, then Wednesday, but my stomach overwhelmed me and I ended up going to bed relatively early despite my mom typing a report on my computer.

I was out the moment my head hit the pillow, but it would be a short-lived sleep. At five in the morning, I woke up with very intense pain in my stomach and a bad feeling that something was going to come up and come up in a hurry. I had that distinct feeling come over me and I ran to the bathroom, but nothing happened. I felt relieved and tried to go back to sleep.

Didn't happen. I finally got frustrated and went to take some medicine to maybe try and settle my stomach down and get rid of the pain that I was feeling. I figured if I could at least get the pain to subside, I might fall back asleep and give myself a chance to rest and fight whatever this was that was attacking me.

Not my brightest decision by a long shot.

I took the medicine and within 30 minutes (this was around 7:30), I felt that feeling come over me again and my mouth began watering like I was expecting a great big dinner to show up. Well, a dinner did show up, but not what I expected.

In a span of 30 seconds, I threw up four times and nearly wasn't ready for the last two as I had started to stand back up, only to have to find the toilet again. It was my dinner from the night before and it really hurt coming up from all the acid.

So my day's already been ruined and it's only 7:30 in the morning. I felt a little better after that, and after ridding my mouth from the leftovers, I went back to bed and thankfully fell asleep before my alarm woke me up reminding me that I did have to work today.

A couple factors were going to weigh into whether I went in or called off. First off, if I had thrown up again, I would have called off for sure. Secondly, if I had a fever, I would have called off in that situation too. Neither came to pass so I pulled myself together, got dressed, and went to work where I had the longest shift of my life.

My stomach hurt the entire time I was there and I was unable to get it to stop for the life of me. I didn't want to eat anything since it would be kind of hard to make soup without any bowls or spoons in the breakroom and anything else might come back up, so I chose not to eat. I managed to make it through the day partly because my co-workers were really respectful of my condition.

I got home and after talking with my mom for a while, I ate a bowl of soup and my stomach really calmed down. Not completely, but it was nothing compared to what I felt earlier in the day when I couldn't move without wincing. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out why I was so stupid as to go into work again. One word kept coming to mind, "sucker." That's all I could figure was the reason why I went in at all.

I went to bed and slept very well last night, which was a relief for me after the night from hell before. Today, I woke up feeling reasonably fine and was able to keep down a bowl of cereal without any thought of throwing up, and even better, without any pain. My stomach has hurt a little bit from time to time today, but it's been nothing like it was before.

I've been able to eat at will, which is a change in itself for me since I don't normally eat a lot to begin with. It's been nice to know that it won't be coming out the same way it went in though. Today was generally a nice, easy day for me to just sit and relax and try to get myself back into a good mood again and it's worked so far. I don't feel anything like I did the last two days and there's some humor showing up again.

Again, nothing got done today that I wanted to get done, but that's not really a big deal right now since I wasn't sure if I was even going to be able to move today to begin with. So it's a moral victory if anything else.

I must be sick still though. I just said it was a moral victory. Maybe I need to be put down.

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If anyone wonders about any typos that might appear in these entries or wording that doesn't quite make sense, it's either because I'm half asleep and not really paying attention (or caring) to what I'm writing about. Or it's because I've taken off my glasses and my eyes haven't adjusted to them not being there anymore. I take my glasses off a lot when I'm writing because it gives me a break from them and the headache they occasionally bring.

I can read just fine what's on my screen (a 17" monitor helps), but sometimes I miss things right after taking them off while my eyes readjust. Sometimes I'm just stupid and I make mistakes that I don't often care to even check for when I'm done. Sometimes I just don't care and I just want to get the entry done with and get my ass in bed before things get really weird.

I write these at night, sometimes after midnight or one in the morning so I'm prone to making mistakes and prone to getting weird and going on rants that really don't make any sense at all. Sometimes I write my best entries at night and they come out much better than I'd ever expect. My deepest and longest entries have been written late at night. It's one reason why I like to write them at night.

You don't know any more than I do what might come from my head or what strange ideas I might come up with. That's what makes it so interesting though. If I have a sudden thought, I can really take off with it and turn it into something interesting or funny. It depends on my mood.

You never know what I'll do at night. Don't be scared too much.

I'll be right back though. I think my cat's kicking the litter out again.

Hi everyone. Just thought I'd sneak a couple of thoughts in while Dave's distracted. This is his brain by the way, in case you're wondering. You don't hear from me a lot because he likes to hide me and pretend that I don't exist.

Dave has a big problem. He thinks and speaks way too often from his heart and not me. I feel left out because he doesn't use me as much as he could. Any decision he makes, it's always with his heart and it makes me very upset at times. So what he feels bad about his job being short of help? I know the obvious decision is to say no when they ask for him to work extra, yet he listens to his heart and says yes.

It gets to me when he does this. Someone asks him a favor and he knows I'm trying to tell him no, yet he says yes anyway. Like last night when this girl who works up in the front of the store needed a dollar of change, he gave it to her without thinking twice. Does he think that the money grows on trees? I mean, it's only a dollar, but come on! I know the answer to that one.

His heart and I don't get along, which is probably why we're separate from each other right now. His heart's always telling him one thing and I'm always trying to tell him another. Then I fight with his heart and his heart starts to whimper and he sympathizes with it....it makes me sick when he does that. Can't he see the heart doesn't think clearly?

Let's get a grip boy...

What the hell is going on here?

Uh, nothing. Just chatting with the friendly people here, telling them how highly I think of you.

Actually, I was wondering why I'm talking to my brain?

Oh, you're delusional. Don't take it personal. Happens to the best of them.

I'm obviously not getting enough sleep. Leave the room for a moment and you start talking to yourself. No wonder I can't get a date.