MY LIFE - DECEMBER

Sunday, December 10, 2000

All of a sudden, new people are contacting me either through e-mail or through my instant messenger services. It's all linked to my profiles popping up in these other areas on the internet because I felt like signing up for things and not realizing what I'm signing up for. So now I'm getting all this attention either through e-mail or through my instant messengers.

I don't know where to start with them either. I've always been terrible at meeting new people because I never ask questions that I should ask and I never say the things that I should say. Then it gets awkward and the person I'm talking to is trying to back out of the conversation without actually telling me to fuck off. Then we e-mail a few times before the replies stop coming and we eventually just stop talking. At least that's the case with a few people that I've talked to in the past.

Most people just ignore me now, so that whole process is completely obsolete now. With this recent rash of attention, I'm just going to go one step at a time and at least try to make some friends out of these people and let things go from there. It can at least give me some more people that I might be able to hang out with or talk to on the phone or something.

Anyway. It's been an up and down day for me to this point. I've been really weird and happy, then I've been pissy and moany about the world and how this and that is making me mad.

This is not a very good sign. It points towards another series of mood swings and those weren't the prettiest for people to endure around me. I'm going to try and avoid this, but each time I've tried in the past, it's usually just made things worse. It's more or less due to the slight chemical imbalance that I have. I don't necessarily get depressed, but if things don't go the way I hope they go, I get kind of pissy and start making an issue out of everything.

I was pretty good at work though, so I guess that's a start. I think my actual personality at work is starting to show. Steve even told me it seemed like I was getting back to my old tricks and that I seemed more at ease with everyone I work with. I've been opening my mouth more and I've been saying things that a couple weeks ago, you wouldn't have caught me dead saying.

I still won't do any instigating, although Linda accused Steve and me of instigating her, which we both flatly denied. That's how much of the day went though. I was sneaking comments in every now and then and getting a laugh out of most everyone. It basically proves to me that I get along with everything there aside from one solitary person and that people like working with me.

After about 7, I began to tire, which probably didn't help my mood so much. The day was probably wearing on me and the weekend, which featured a lack of good sleep all around, probably led me to start getting a little down before I left work.

I would think that I'd be fine, but some things that I've read online lately and a few other things will probably keep me somewhat unhappy for a while anyway.

I was the the Cleveland Live forums and was reading girl after girl talk about how fake guys were and how they all were after ass solely. They would ask if there were any good guys out there, then pause, then say "nope, didn't think so" before bashing again.

This whole thing started with a guy wondering why girls liked to tease, so basically the forum has been a war of the sexes for about two weeks now as a result. It was amusing at first, guys trying to make girls sound like teases, girls making guys sound like that's the only thing they pay attention to, but it started to wear thin. Basically, it's a two way street. The girl teases, the guy notices, the guy thinks it's going to go to sex, the girl doesn't, the guy gets mad, the girl gets mad, everyone goes home upset.

First off, not all girls tease, at least not intentionally. Secondly, not all guys are after ass and only ass. So let's cut that bullshit out right away. I don't post often, but tonight I did and I basically said that not all guys were after sex, that some of us actually want a relationship and a little more in a girl than good looks. That's the truth with me at least. She can be the hottest girl I've ever seen, but if she's an airhead or somewhat stupid, it's going to bug me.

For starters, my jokes can get kind of broad and I can start making references to things that some people just won't get. If the girl I'm with doesn't get any of my jokes, it's not going to work and I hate explaining things five times just to make her understand. The airhead thing is probably the most annoying thing that I've ever come across, whether intentional or unintentional. It was the big drawback to the girl that liked me in high school. Yes, she was gorgeous, yes she was fairly smart, but she was an airhead and prone to saying stupid things.

I made that point in my post. Secondly, I don't like to be stereotyped by anyone under any category for any reason at all. Don't even do it because it will make me hopping mad. That's what's been pissing me off about these posts. These girls assuming all guys are the same and saying you can't convince them otherwise. I hate hearing things like that because those are the girls who might also complain about not being able to keep a date.

I'm not trying to tell people what to believe or how to act, but let's get over this shit now. Not all guys are after sex. Not all girls are trying to tease you to think otherwise. There are some great girls out there. I know, I've met them. I just live too far from them for anything to happen. I can't be nearly as supportive for guys because quite frankly, my high school was full of idiots who wanted just one thing and nothing else.

I don't care about the "hard image" that guys are "supposed" to have according to one post that was critical of a guy opening up and trying to figure out a problem he was having.

These things just make me sick. I wish that my generation and the one after me would just grow up and stop acting like sex is life or death. I'm 20 and I haven't done anything. I'm not dead despite frequent stumblings and mishaps that bring me dangerously close. I'm not going to die. I would definitely think about it if I was with a girl and we got to that point, but I'm not going to go and make sex a reason for dating or seeing someone.

It's just silly. This is in no way meant to criticize those who do have sex and enjoy it. This is to criticize those who feel it's their right to have it with anyone they meet, regardless of how that other person thinks. If you've had sex, continue to have sex, and enjoy having sex, more power to you. But we shouldn't be basing who we go out with on how much sex you can get.

I don't even want to talk about this, but at some point I was going to have to say something before I became stereotyped as well. I'm not up for that shit people. Not at all.

Hey, I just found the reason why I'm in such a foul mood right now. I really should just stop reading the forums. It's probably better for my health.

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Since Dick Feagler hasn't written anything of any interest lately, I've decided my new bashing victim is going to be sports columnist Bill Livingston, who can't decide where he stands on any issue like his counterpart, Bud Shaw.

A little while back, Livingston wrote an article on how he felt baseball spending was getting out of control and how things needed to be worked out so that the spending was brought back down to a reasonable level. He bashed the salary demands of many players and has said in the past repeatedly that deals were wasted money, even if the player was good.

So what does he write today? He writes how the Indians are "once again" not going to be spending enough money to compete with the other teams in the American League and was particularly harsh over the way they handled negotiations with a few free agent players, including Manny Ramirez. He feels the Indians should go out and spend the big bucks and bring in new names.

Problem with that is you shouldn't be spending more money than you have. To sign just Ramirez, the Indians would have to get into red ink territory. Livingston thinks the Indians should've gone after pitchers Mike Mussina and Mike Hampton, both who signed huge contracts with other teams in the last week. The problem with that is the Indians have three good healthy starters and at least two more, maybe three, competing for the last two spots. How do you sign Hampton or Mussina and expect to make money?

Second, the Ramirez thing is out of the Indians control. The offer they made, whether it featured deferred money or not, was a very good offer that was rejected. How does a player reject a $119 million offer and how does a columnist suggest it was not good enough? Livingston has some issues messed up here and he needs to get them straightened out.

First off, salaries are way out of control. $17 million a year is no longer good enough for some players. That's ludicrous. These guys are playing a kid's game and making millions and millions a year to do it, some of them not very good at it either. When huge offers aren't enough, where do we draw the line? Secondly, us fans and columnists are not qualified to make the economic decisions that the Indians front office staff is making.

Thirdly, Ramirez is a great hitter, but he's so-so in other areas of the game. How do you warrant paying him that much and basically saying forget about the rest of the team? You don't because you can't. Baseball isn't just about having the best hitters because good pitching will neutralize good hitting. This has been a common staple of baseball since the beginning. The World Series is almost always a pitching duel for this reason. It's why the Yankees have won four out of five series. They have great pitching from the starters to the bullpen.

I'm disappointed that the Indians didn't get Mussina or Hampton, but neither was really interested in the Indians. I'll be disappointed if Manny signs somewhere else, mostly at Manny. How do you say you want to play somewhere, but then turn down huge offers because they aren't enough? He must not want to play here that badly if $17 million a year can't keep him here.

Point is, Livingston and the fans who have been bitching and moaning about the moves made/not made this offseason have not taken economics into consideration. You can't just sign everyone you come across to huge deals because owner Larry Dolan simply can't afford that. Some serious money would have to be raised which would mean huge ticket price increases on top of the increases that already kicked in for next season.

I'll be a fan of the Indians next season regardless of what they do. I'm not someone who jumps off the bandwagon at the first sign of trouble. I was supportive before they were good and I'll continue to be there, even if the other fans have said enough.

You're not a fan if you don't support your team through the tough. Livingston is not acting like a fan by complaining about this. He needs to make up his mind. Excessive salaries, or not enough money?

Which is it Bill?

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I've mentioned this in other areas of the site so I'll mention it again just because I can. Come Again? is going to go to a monthly update and Commentary will be updated at least twice a month, sometimes twice a week depending on what's going on and how I feel. These aren't set in stone though. If I want, I might update Come Again? twice a month or more and Commentary whenever I feel like it.

I just haven't had time to really sit and write other than the entries. My weekends are often spent working, so that updating time is shot down and during the week I usually get too tired to do much more than just breath at times. I'm hoping that maybe I'll catch a second wind or something, but it's doubtful.

I'll try and go through and work on the archives as well, but can't guarantee that since I haven't worked on them since maybe September or early October at best. There's still several months to update, so I can't say when that will be finished. It probably won't be until the middle of next year however. I make no guarantees on that though. I could get ambitious and work on it again.

Other areas of the site will probably receive a slight update just to keep them up to speed with everything else. Just watch the main page and look for new updates and see what I did.