Accountants




What's the definition of an accountant?
    Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way
    you don't understand.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant? 
    Someone who has a loophole named after him.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
    When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as
    an undertaker.

What's an extroverted accountant?
    One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead
    of his own.

What's an auditor?
    Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the
    wounded. 

Why did the auditor cross the road?
    Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.
 
There are three kinds of accountants in the world.
    Those who can count and those who can't.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room? 
    Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
    Tie him to a chair,stand in front of him and fold up a road map
    the wrong way.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? 
    Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? 
    Depreciation.

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and
the  value of nothing.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see
his doctor.  "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three
hours trying  to find it."