New Medications for Women




D A M I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 hours.

S T. M O M'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to six hours.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the
memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till
they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone for single women.  Two full cups swallowed before an evening
out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

D U M E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment
of country western music.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge
to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti! biotic for older women.  Increases resistance to such lines as,
"You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.  Increases potency and duration
of spending spree.

Extra Strength BUY-ONE-AL
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so
severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by
Dr. Laura.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share
their life stories with total strangers.

S E X C E D R I N
More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a
headache," syndrome.

R A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on
him all weekend!, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.