Theory Contest




A contest was recently held for people to submit new theories on
ANY subject.  

Here are the winners:


4th RUNNER-UP - Probability Theory

If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all
the world's great literary works in Braille.


3rd RUNNER-UP - Bio-Mechanics

Why Yawning Is Contagious: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your
eardrums.  This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances
other people's ear pressures, so they then yawn to even it out.


2nd RUNNER-UP - Symbolic Logic

Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have
no alphabet and therefore cannot use acronyms to communicate
technical ideas at a faster rate.


1st RUNNER-UP - Newtonian Mechanics

The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation.  Just as
a figure skater's rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in
close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to
spin dangerously fast.


HONORABLE MENTION - Linguistics

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.  If
omitted in one place, they turn up in another.  When a Bostonian
"pahks his cah," the lost R's migrate southwest, causing a Texan to
"warsh" his car and invest in "erl" wells. 


GRAND PRIZE WINNER - Perpetual Motion

When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet, and when toast is
dropped, it always lands buttered side down.  It was proposed to
strap giant slabs of hot buttered toast to the back of a hundred
tethered cats; the two opposing forces will  cause the cats to hover,
spinning inches above the ground.  Using the giant buttered toast/cat
array, a high-speed monorail could easily link New York with Chicago.