The Results of My Special Survey

Last Updated: Wednesday, June 17, 1998

Okkay, okkay, I will finally release the results of "My Special Survey." It has been quite a hassle trying to keep them a secret. Spies were constantly invading my property, cameras were strategically placed about my dessert stronghold, top secret documents disappeared, villagers incessantly stormed the castle, demanding that I reveal to them the monster... (Oh, ummmm... how did that get in there?). May I present... the results! What'd you say? I may not. It wasn't a question. If you don't want to see them, then don't look. Anyway... the results:

1. How many fingers am I holding up?


You can't fool me, you're holding up thumbs. 55%
Circle. 30%
11, but only on Tuesday. 15%

2. What day is it?


30 pounds. 45%
Yes. 35%
Tuesday. 20%

3. You know what they say.


Just who are they? 45%
Don't they say, "What?" 35%
No, what do they say? 20%

4. Do you agree that you shouldn't answer a question with a question?


Yes. 100%

5. If I gave you 1 million dollars(U.S.), what would you do with it?


Take the money and run. 55%
Buy a really big sandwich. 40%
Ask, "Where did you get a million dollars?" 5%

6. What is 1 + 1?


February. 50%
OK. 25%
The answer to 1 + 1. 25%

7. What were you doing at this time, this date, in the year 473 B.C.?


Surfing the internet. 30%
By what time zone? 25%
Burning cookies in the oven. 25%
Are you kidding? I wasn't alive then. I was born in 480 B.C. 20%

8. Would you like a free computer?


How much does this free computer cost? 65%
I shouldn't, I'm trying to quit. 25%
No thank you, I'm on a diet. 10%

9. Do you read before you go to bed at night?


Yes, but only when the crescent moon is at it's highest point and I hear the trolls snoring. 35%
No, I read after I go to bed, when I'm asleep. 35%
Only if the lights are out. 30%

10. Do you have any bad habits? If so, what?


Yes. I carry on conversations with the voices in my head while people are trying to talk to me. 65%
No. I am NOT a compulsive liar. 20%
Yes. I chew other people's finger nails. 15%

11. Do you feel this survey was totally unncessary?


Blue. 75%
No. 15%
Sometimes. 10%

12. How long did it take you to take this survey?


3 inches. 60%
Tuesday? 25%
This month. 15%

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