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To submit is to yield control. The basic, fundamental duty of an ethical submissive is to yield as much control as possible over what happens during the session to their Dominant.
This willing giving of power on the submissive's part, and its willing acceptance on the Dominant's part, is the magic, catalytic essence of S/M, and all else flows from it.
Once they have repeated those points
back to me, I ask if they are willing
to do those
things. If they answer that they are willing, then the session "really"
begins.
The Dominant is not there to please the submissive. The submissive is there to please the Dominant.
If they don't answer my question in a generally correct way, I know right then that we need more discussion about this session before going further. I have learned, through frustrating experience, that a poor answer to my question is a warning light that I definitely must not ignore. A not-close-the-mark answer by this person usually indicates that they are unduly selfish, or feel they are doing me a favor by playing with me, or in some other way indicates (often rather strongly) that the two of us may not be well-suited for playing together -- and shouldn't. This can be frustrating, but any Dominant whose desire to play with someone gets so strong that they aren't willing to walk away from a session at any time isn't really a Dominant.
If their answer to "why are you here" is generally correct (ie: "to serve you," "to submit to you," or (something similar), I then ask them, "what does that mean to you?" Again, they usually don't know quite how to answer that, and it can be fun to watch them flounder around. After I let them struggle a bit, I tell them, "Your submission has four basic duties. They are as follows: To serve my needs, to obey my orders, to accept my Domination,and to please my desires." I then have them repeat these back to me.
Once the scene has been set as outlined above, and the submissive is naked and kneeling at my feet, I usually ask them, "Why are you here?" This question takes many submissives aback, especially the more greedy, selfish ones who expect me to "do" them so that they'll get off. This question is crucial because it helps clarify basic issues.
The answer I hope to hear is something like "to serve you," or "to submit to you." This type of answer shows me that they understand who is here for whom.
The Dominant is not there to please the submissive. The submissive is there to please the Dominant.
If they don't answer my question in a generally correct way, I know right then that we need more discussion about this session before going further. I have learned, through frustrating experience, that a poor answer to my question is a warning light that I definitely must not ignore. A not-close-the-mark answer by this person usually indicates that they are unduly selfish, or feel they are doing me a favor by playing with me, or in some other way indicates (often rather strongly) that the two of us may not be well-suited for playing together -- and shouldn't. This can be frustrating, but any Dominant whose desire to play with someone gets so strong that they aren't willing to walk away from a session at any time isn't really a Dominant.
If their answer to "why are you here" is generally correct (ie: "to serve you," "to submit to you," or something similar), I then ask them, "what does that mean to you?" Again, they usually don't know quite how to answer that, and it can be fun to watch them flounder around. After I let them struggle a bit, I tell them, "Your submission has four basic duties. They are as follows: To serve my needs, to obey my orders, to accept my Domination, and to please my desires." I then have them repeat these back to me.
Once they have repeated those points
back to me, I ask if they are willing to do those
things. If they answer that they are willing, then the session "really"
begins.
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