In a few short weeks there will be upon us a film that is so earth shattering most sane individuals have been waiting for with baited breath for 16 years. That is longer than anyone born after 1983 has even been alive, a number which, if someone took the time to properly research, would I am sure be staggering. This movie is Star Wars: Episode One the Phantom Menace. Now we should all have a reverent moment of silence for the impending money making behemoth. Okay now that that is done, I shall get to the heart of it. There are people on this planet, people who I previously suspected of having some measure of intellegence, who have suggested that the film will not live up to the hightened expectations, that it will not make the money expected and, the most outlandish of all the claims, that it will suck. These heathens make me sicker than those dastardly troglodytes who have never even seen the first three films. The latter simply don't know what it is that they have missed. The former however know better, yet still doubt Lucas's abilities.
With every event of this caliber there are neighsayers. There are those people who feel the need to make themselves feel more important by casting aspersions on other people's anticipation. There are those Scrooge like individuals who go around "ba humbugging" people's Christmas cheer. There are those people who feel the need to go on national television to prove how clever they are by tryingt o disprove religious beliefs and beliefs in the supernatural. And worst of all, there are the poeple who cast doubt upon the impending sucess of great films. It happened with Titanic. The buzz was horrid for that film due mostly to it going grossly over budget and over schedule, and its changing of release dates as much as your average Image comic title. That movie knocked Star Wars off the throne of highest grossing film of all time, which in turn had had numerous bad reviews and negative notices when released in 1977 only to kick the living shit out of the box office not once but twice, silencing many a new 1997 product in its second release 20 years after its original run. the Original Star Wars and Titanic rose above the bad buzz to each be the highest grossing film of all time. I sincerely hope that Titanic has enjoyed its maiden voyage into the waters of box office glory because come May the unsinkable movie is going down.
The debate about whether Episode One's legs will be longer than Titanic's has been raging for awhile now, but I feel very confident in Episode One coming out on top for a very important reason. Everyone, genetic mutants and freakshow acts masquerading as regular humans aside, loves Star Wars. It has Universal appeal. It spans the young and the old, male female, hell even midgets like it. Okay sorry that was mean but I have the firm belief that inserting teh phrase 'circus midget' into anything makes it immediately funny. You laughed, don't lie to me. Star Wars is an institution in this country(and all the other ones except for some parts of Africa, and yes I realize that Africa is indeed a continent) and while many women flocked to see Titanic four or five times because Leonardo was so damn cute and men flocked to see it four or five times so they could dupe the women there into believing they were sensity, over weight computer nerds will flock to see Episode One five or six times simply because what the hell else are they going to do? For every 15 year old girl who digs on DiCaprio's package and every guy who wants to introduce that girl to their package there is out there, there are at least 20 middle aged men who have never kissed a girl and live in their parents' basement waiting in line to see Star Wars. I am not saying that these sci fi losers are the only ones attending Episode One, that would be wrong...after all I am going.
The really issue isn't the fact that Episode One will beat Titanic's sorry ass by virtue of the fact that sci-fi fans are far more tenacious than any Titanic fan could ever be but rather the fact that Star Wars represents something magical. There is a quality to Star Wars that transcends the normal movie going experience. It is fnatastic, it is surprising, it is wonderful, and it is not our world. It has its own problems but none of those include mundane details of life, things that happen everyday. Things like being stuck in traffic, being fired at work(unless you count Vader strangling his underlings every time they fuck up), haivng your wife or girlfriend cut you off from sex for sleeping with her mom, or sinking in an icy grave after your ship hit an iceberg. Seriously though, Star Wars takes us to a place where we can forget our troubles and just have fun. It lets us be kids again and experience the majesty of discovery and wonderment that is so often beaten out of us by the drudgery of everyday life. Whasn't wanted a light saber at one time or another? Who hasn't wanted to be able to pick shit up with your mind? Who hasn't wanted to get kissed by your sister to make Han Solo jealous? No! Wait! Forget that last one!
The point is that Episode One cannot ever suck for me because of what the Star Wars experience does for me. Most great films make profound statements on the nature of life and leave you feeling like a better person and that is always going to be true. But once in awhile, a film comes along that excites you so much that you forget for two hours and fifteen minutes all of your troubles and all of your worries and bills and all of that and lets you escape into the fantastic, into the miraculous. Those movies are the Star Wars films and like Christmas, half of the fun is the anticipation.
So for all of you negative bastards out there who like to feel important by not getting excited by things, fuck you. Perhaps you should pull the stick out of your ass and join in the fun. There is enough for everyone.
If you think that Master Yoda was chanelling through me for this one or you think that I should move out of my parents place and become a tax adjuster, feel free to write to me and let me know. May the Force be with you.
© 1997 bodhili@hotmail.com
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