There is an element of society,nay a movement, that thrives on posturing, contirving and outright bullshit. These villanous bastards come from what would be considered the 'Upper Crust' of society and feel it is their duty to be as drunk, lecherous and obnoxious as is humanly possible. These vile creatures are known as 'Frat Boys.' Frat Boys in case you have been lucky enough to avoid exposure to them are of course the 'popular' people from high school. These are the people who were the big sports stars, the ones that flaunted their money,the guys in the Tommy Hilfiger almost preppy types who cared about themselves, the big game and fucking cheerleaders. After high school these people become terrified that their popularity(which is illusionary anyway, but that is another rant entirely) has slipped away, which of course it has. THey get to college and look around and see a group of people who don't give a shit about them, people who are genuinely interested and dedicated to learning and growing as a person and are not interested in running about with marshmallows jammed up their asses. So the fear of not being able to be obnoxious weasals weighs heavily on their souls and they find refuge in fraturnities. Their own personal little society that they have carved out so that they can continue to high five each other for making fun of the nerds and hey lets get drunk and moon the local Denny's.
Frat Boys can been identified readyily by their designer clothes, tans, blond hair, perfectly placed baseball caps, Gargoyle's sun glasses, and horrendous beerbellies despite perfectly scuplted upper bodies. Further they will, no doubt be carrying around their safety blankets, or beer bottles. These bottles will always be half empty despite the fact that the Frat Boy has been carrying it around for three hours. Sometimes they may even be carrying a bottle of vodka around, pretending to take monstrous swigs from it all the while leaving the bar cap on so as not to actually ingest any. Also, a Frat Boy is also well known for making obnoxious whooping noises when entering a room and feeling a desperate need to speak seven or eight decibles above normal humans so as to garner as much attention from the neighbors, surrounding restraunts and anyone working on the Mir Space Station. They won't have anything useful to say but they want you to hear them anyway.
Frat Boys, it is this author's belief, are actually demons sent to torment and test regular humans. Hell is really having to spend eternity with Frat Boys whooping it up, acting cool, high fiving, and saying stupid things. Forever. No flames, no fire, just Frat Boys spewing nonesense in voices distorted by drunkedness. I wish the Frat Boys would get into heavier things like heroin. Not enough of them OD or crash their cars into ditches.
Frat Boys have taken it upon themselves to make sure that no one is comfortable at restraunts, resorts, clubs, on campus or anywhere else they might feel like venturing. Frat Boys are a group of people that are forever locked in the mindless High School experience, perpetually stuck in their own self agrandizing, contrived search for as much beer, sex and excess they can muster. It is sad really, this intense desire for acceptance that they have arrested their development and sold themselves out for a life time of hotel management and selling used cars. Pathetic.
As usual if you think I am full of shit, or you think I am second only to Einstien or somewhere in between, write me and let me know.
© 1997 bodhili@hotmail.com
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