There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England. Or French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One index, two indices?
If teachers taught, why don't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
A Poem
We'll begin with box, and the plural is boxes;
But the plural
of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
Then one fowl is goose, but
two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be
meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a whole lot of mice,
But the
plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is
always called men,
then shouldn't the plural of pan be called
pen?
The cow in the plural may be cows or kine.
But the plural of
vow is vows, not vine.
And I speak of a foot, and you show me
your feet
But I give a boot - would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the
plural of booth be called beeth?
If the singular is this and
plural is these,
why shouldn't the plural of kiss be nicknamed
kese?
Then one may be that, and three may be those,
yet the plural
of hat would never be hose.
We speak of a brother, and also of
brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
The masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the
feminine she, shis, and shim!
So our English, I think you will
all agree,
is the trickiest language you ever did see.
I take it you already know
Of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you
on hiccough, thorough, slough, and through?
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps
to learn of less familiar traps?
Beware of heard, a dreadful word,
that looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead; it's said like bed, not bead,
for goodness sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat,
(they rhyme with
suite and straight and debt)
A moth is not a moth in mother.
Nor both in bother, broth in brother.
And here is not a match for there.
And dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there's dose and rose and lose
-- Just look them up
-- and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward,
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go, then thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start.
A dreadful language? Man alive,
I'd learned to speak it when I was five,
And yet to write it, the more I sigh,
I'll not learn how 'till the day I die.
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