"I'm going fishing."
Really means..."I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
-----------------------------------------
"It's a guy thing."
Really means...."There is no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
-----------------------------------------
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means...."Why isn't it already on the table?"
-----------------------------------------
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means....Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
-----------------------------------------
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means..."I have no idea how it works.
-----------------------------------------
"We're going to be late."
Really means...."Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
-----------------------------------------
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means...."I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
-----------------------------------------
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
-----------------------------------------
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means...."Are you still talking?"
-----------------------------------------
It's a really good movie."
Really means...."It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful
women."
-----------------------------------------
"That's women's work."
Really means...."It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
-----------------------------------------
"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the
address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
-----------------------------------------
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means.... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
-----------------------------------------
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."
-----------------------------------------
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
-----------------------------------------
"I can't find it."
Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
-----------------------------------------
"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me at?"
-----------------------------------------
"I heard you."
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said,
and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
-----------------------------------------
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means.... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
-----------------------------------------
"You look terrific."
Really means.... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit.
I'm starving."
-----------------------------------------
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means.... "No one will ever see us alive again."
-----------------------------------------
"We share the housework."
Really means.... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
-----------------------------------------
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