CHAPTER EIGHT

PRESSURE FROM INSECURITY

In our society there are many young people growing up with hurts from bad experiences or unloving parents. These can make a person socially insecure and can cause an unnatural dependence on what others say about us for how we feel about ourselves.

It has been said that women will allow sex because they want love while men will say they love because they want sex. This is often true. We all need to be loved and accepted and there is a lot of pressure on teenagers to pair off from the internal need to feel secure. Often girls will give themselves sexually to a man to keep him and to feel loved. He is the biggest "Hunk" at school and it feels good to be his date. Girls who don't value themselves are especially susceptible to this.

Young men who feel deeply insecure also try to prove themselves to be a 'real man' by dating girls and having sexual intercourse with them. Even without being insecure, a young man's sexual urges combined with low moral standards will cause him to pressurize a girl to "go the whole way". Some will even lower themselves to using the old trick "if you really loved me you would let me". Ick… pass me a bucket!

The truth is that if a young man really loves a young woman he shouldn't ask her to lower her personal moral standards. There is something in a man which wants to make a conquest… sex gives a man a feeling of power... he wants to see how far he can get. A man's declaration of love, however, is only as good as the quality of his character.

In an unfulfilled life it is also the sense of forbiddenness of sex that adds daring and adventure. When a girl gives in, a man will often lose interest. He has lost his respect for her, and within a month he may be off after another conquest. This selfish approach to relationships is especially destructive to whoever is on the receiving end. It leaves that person feeling exploited and rejected.

The truth is that one of the things that holds a man most in a relationship is his respect for a woman. Men generally respect a woman who is willing to keep him at a safe distance.

An important key to success in friendship is to learn to respect yourself. You have value because God made you in His likeness. Accepting yourself as you are and learning to enjoy being you will protect you from pressure from individuals or society. You'll make your own standards and if you respect yourself, worthwhile friends will respect you too.

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