Hillary Clinton is in fact a stage name. Hillary is an adaptation of "Hillarious", which was Ms. Clinton's stage name when she was in Vauderville, KY, doing late night comedy stick. Likewise Billary is a stagename. Ms. Clinton's real (maiden) name was Jilliary Rodham. All this can be found in Sedra & Fairchilds' _Presidential Trivia_ (ISDN: 284-9813-094, Harcourt, Brace, Jahovawitness). S N O O Z E W E E K -WASHINGTON, D.C. -- White House security officials were shocked this morning to discover that many of the famed cherry trees that abound in our nation's capital had been felled by a mysterious axeman. The mystery lumberjack was identified when Secret Service agents found President Bill Clinton, budget axe in hand, hard at work; he reported that "I cannot tell a lie, Bush and Reagan did it." "Webster Hubbell, you've just been accused of overbilling customers while you worked at the Rose Law Firm in Little Rock, and now you're quitting, in disgrace, your job as Assistant Attorney General. What are you going to do now?" "I'm going to the G7 Jobs Conference in Deeetroit City.." ] GO (A Chinese and Japanese board game) is a lousy game. It is boring ]and exhausting. All pieces (stones) are identical, showing oriental ]culture does not tolerate individuality. The result is either win or ]lose and there is no draw, indicating oriental culture does not ]advocate compromise. No physical representation is assigned to any ]piece, implying oriental people have no personality. ] Yeh, there is a Chinese chess. But that was brought from India and ]Chinese made some changes into it. A pawn can not be promoted and ]Queen is missing from action. Chinese do not respect small-time nobody ]and discriminate against women. They count cannon in as a chessman ]because they love more violence. They replace bishop with prime ]minister because they believe in power than free thinking. Finally ]they create two guards for their general or marshall since they are ]more scared and they are real "paper tigers". ] (There is no King in Chinese chess, the purpose of the game is to ]catch the general or the marshall) Chess, an Occidental bored;-) game is a lousy game. It's too simple and doesn't need to much brain. Different pieces are given different power and ability, showing the Anglo passion for class. Unlike the Go, as the game progresses, pieces are killed and less pieces are left than the opening of the game, implying the Occidental culture's preference for destruction. Whereas in Go, more pieces exist than the opening, and all pieces eventually coexist in an integrated way, showing that Oriental culture prefers peace and harmony. Besides, the black square bishop can not move into white squares indicating the Occidentals have always been promoting aparthied. However, there is something good about Chess, the king has to depend on his wife for strength, a justification for the Americans' choice of Bill Clinton as their president. Okay, so Clinton's walking this dog around the White House lawn, right? He walks it past the guard's post, and the marine says "Mr. President, is that a new dog?" Clinton smiles, and replies, "Why yes, I got it for my wife." The marine specs the dog, looks up with a smile and says, "Good trade." A liberal will let a few people cheat the system to make sure that nobody goes hungry. A conservative will let a few people go hungry to make sure nobody cheats the system. After hearing how Hillary made $99,000.00 profit trading livestock futures (on a $1,000 investment), I'm surprised no liberals have figured out how to take advantage of this. Just give Hillary the whole GNP and let her invest it in livestock futures. Then use the profits to pay for the Clinton health care plan. The Clintons are certainly running a rock and roll presidency! It ain't workin', Hilary wants our money for nothin' and Bill wants his chicks for free! You all know that many men name their penii because they don't want perfect strangers making 90% of their decisions. Ted Kennedy has a name for his: "Quick Dick", for obvious reasons. Because he uses it so much, its often tender, so he had a leather sleeve, or chaps made for it when he's not using it. He calls it his Chap-a-Quick-Dick. The other day Hillary asked Bill to get a vasectomy. So he went to his doctor and said "Doc, I'd like a vasectomy". His doc looked at him and turned in suprise saying "You don't need me. You can do it yourself. All you have to do is roll up a newspaper, put a little firecracker, put it next to your ear in it and count to 10" Bill looked at him wryly and said "I think I want a 2nd opinion. The next day he goes to another doctor and says "Doc, I'd like a vasectomy". His doc looked at him and turned in suprise saying "You don't need me. You can do it yourself. All you have to do is roll up a newspaper, put a little firecracker in it, put it next to your ear and count to 10". Bill tells him "I think I'm gonna go home and sleep on this one. He wakes up the next morning and thinks he'll give it a try. After all, 2 doctors said it would work. He rolls up the newspaper, puts in the litle firecracker, puts it next to his ear and starts to count with his fingers, 1,2,3,4,5, looks frantically around for more finger, puts the rolled up newspaper between his legs, 6,7,8,9... President Nixon left instructions that if he was seriously ill, he did not want his breathing assisted by an artificial respirator. This shows that, to the end, Mr. Nixon was capable of making firm, reasonable decisions. President Clinton has also left instructions on what should be done if he is critically ill. He wants to be placed on a respirator, but he does not want to inhale. Somebody please help the Democrats find their brain; it appears they've lost it. Or perhaps the socialists stole it, needing one for themselves? Mrs. Clinton consulted her personal physican concerning a itching in the groin region. After examining her, he was too embarassed to tell her that she suffered from pubic lice. When pressed for a diagnosis, he said, "I regret to inform you that you have 'a bug in the oval oriface'" Have you heard they're gonna rename the President's helicopter to "Golf Course One?" Initially, the aides said it wasn't a personal golf game, they claimed to be scouting out the golf course for the President. One theory has it that this was _really_ what they were doing, scouting out a golf course for Bill, but our President didn't have the spine to defend them, so he sacked the aide instead. My guess is they were scouting out babes for the President. Ah mean, it's got to be awfully lonely locked into the White House with Hillary all these months. And no Arkansas State Troopers to help you out, if you know what Ah mean. Can't you just imagine this Marine helicopter hovering over a swimming pool in suburban Maryland, when a male voice comes over the loudspeaker, "HEY, YOU DOWN THERE, YOU IN THE PINK BIKINI. THE PRESIDENT WANTS TO TALK WITH YOU ABOUT A JOB." Environmental group objects to bust of Clinton The Goddess Gaia movement demonstrated outside the White House of the proposed stone sculpture of President Clinton. A spokeswoman said her groups objected because, "They plan to ruin a perfectly good rock." So the Clinton's are going to a formal engagement. Hillary comes down the stairs stark naked with a lemon between her thighs. Bill is not amused and asks what the deal is. Hillary says, "This is how I am going to go and that is that." Well, Bill marches upstairs and comes back down naked with a potato squeezed between his thighs. Hillary demands an explanation to which Bill replies, "If you're gonna go as a sourpuss then I'm gonna go as a dictator!" [badoom boom] As Bill was just a good boy from Arkansas and was not quite sure about good etiquette at his "incoronation", "more clinton jokes"