What's that? You want to know some stuff about me? I'm flattered. Honest. So, what's to tell? Perhaps you want to know about my childhood - those difficult years that help mould a person into what they are going to be. Or maybe you'd like to know about my education - what qualifications I have which allow me to patronise and condescend upon you. What about my fool-proof formula for gaining life-long friends and companions, which has served me so well in the past. Well if you do then tough, because I'm not going to write about them, but instead fill this page with stuff which will tell you more about the real me. As if you wanted to know.

But before we begin, here's a picture of me. It was taken about a year ago at the place where I was working. Or not, depending on the time of day, and how lazy I felt. Don't worry, you'll not be forced to view any more pictures of me.

MUSIC

First up, a list of the things which keep me happy in this increasingly annoying world. Top of this list has to be my music collection, although conversely this is the thing that other people like the least. Tsch, everyone's a critic. I like a great deal of music (mainly dance stuff), and my favourites are: (in no particular order)

Prodigy, Death in Vegas, Chemical Brothers, Republica, Fatboy Slim, Bentley Rhythm Ace, DeeJay Punc-Roc, Propellorheads, Lo-Fidelity Allstars, Faithless, Leftfield, Pulp, Sleeper, Madness, Indian Ropeman, Rage Against The Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, C.J. Bolland, Moby, Orbital, Slacker, Hurricane #1, Dust Junkies, Sneaker Pimps, Jungle Brothers, The Crystal Method, Morcheeba, Freestylers, Echobelly, Smashmouth, Space, Garbage, Portishead, Apollo Four Fourty, The Presidents of the United States of America, Garbage, The Verve, Mansun, The Beastie Boys, Massive Attack, Fluke, Chicane, The Wiseguys, and the Fun Lovin' Criminals.

I know it looks like I've just listed every band I've heard of, but I'm really into them all, honest! Different music suits different times of the day, different situations, and different moods, and I just pick what's best for there and then. Most of the time, though, I lean towards big-beat (Fatboy Slim, Bentley's etc.). Some of you may be wondering why I've not used my obviously collossal HTML talents and made a fan page for any of those bands. The reason is because for all of the ones that I actiually know a fair amount about there's already at least one really cool site.

COMPUTER GAMES

So, after the music what next? Computers, natch. Here's a list of my favourite games ever, but don't come running to me shouting and causing a scene if you disagree, because I know better than you, okay?

Fig. 1 - A game of chess. Approximately half as much fun as any of the games listed below.

• Gravity Power [Amiga]. A game better than most people's lives. Since Amigas are only a hundred(ish) quid now anyway, it would be a Good Thing to buy one just to play this on.
• The Sims [PC]. My womanising dealer fancies his neighbour more than his wife. It's practically real life.
• Joust [Acorn Electron]. One or two player mayhem. Knights on large flying birds has never been so much fun.
• Red Alert [PC]. Okay, I admit it, I prefer Red Alert to Dune II, even if the nukes are pathetically weak. It even lets you recreate that bit from Apocalypse Now, if you create a mass of helicopters and play Ride Of The Valkyries in the background. Top stuff. Tiberian Sun, however, is a shallow imitation which should be "boo"ed on sight.
• Tetris [Gameboy]. Yeah, I know that there are versions of this on loads of machines but, like Joust, only one of them is any good. And it's this one.
• The Secret Of Monkey Island [PC]. It's a rare occasion when games have you laughing so much that you almost choke. This one didn't, but it came very close. No other adventure game has even gotten close to this.
• Supercars 2 [Amiga]. The overhead car racing game with weapons, lots of tracks, and a two player option of champions.
• Grand Theft Auto 2 [PC]. So much fun it hurts. Literally sometimes. And now it even looks gorgeous.
• Jedi Knight [PC]. Another game begging for a 3D card to make it look ace, and one with a great deal of lighsaber antics. Use the force, you know you want to.
• FreeCell [PC]. Yeah, that FreeCell. More addictive than crack cocaine.
• Legend Of Zelda [SNES]. By far the best roleplaying game I've played. And free of the design flaws present in the N64 version.
• Half-Life [PC]. Okay, so it beats Quake hands-down in multiplayer and single player, but it's still not quite as good as people would have you believe. And guess what? I make maps for this too. Go have a look at my Half-Life Stuff. (My Quake maps are still available here if you're interested.)
• Unreal Tournament [PC]. My contribution to the UT / Q3A argument. This is here, Q3A isn't. Although Q3 is far better written.

Fig. 2 - 2001, a film by Stanley Kubrick. Who also did Full Metal Jacket, which is one of my favourite films. Ever.

CARTOONS

Clearly the best things on telly these days are cartoons, but with so many to choose from, which should you spend your precious viewing time perusing? These, obviously:

Freakazoid!, Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, Dexter's Lab, The Powerpuff Girls, and Batman.

Anything else just isn't worth watching.

FRIENDS

Well, now you know a bit more about me how about learning of some of my friends? If such a prospect excites you then why not take a look at this page, here?

		Maintained by Tony Gowland Last updated: 24/3/00