The Buffalo Theory:
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers. - monday, october 25th '99 -
time to breathe lack of updates again due to immersion of self in yet another take-home midterm. as of 10:35am, i am free... ish. (there's more to come which must be done for two weeks from now). so spent a nice, languid, relaxing night at home -- felicity, experimental cooking (glazed carrots&onions sizzled with pasta in a honey-lime sauce), ally, malibu red bull martini (mixed by mel&drew), return to paradise... to sum up, you know that feeling you get when you just *s-t - r -- e -- t - c-h* and grin? it's something like that.
- wednesday, october 20th '99 -
DONE! for all those who have seen me going crazy this last little bit over work, i'm DONE! it's 5:37am and this lab report is finished at 19 pages. i still have other work, yes, but they're nowhere near as strenuous :) nic can go back to normal now... severe reductions in hysterical fits of laughter coming your way. ahh... just holding my 19 pages of paper... warm from the printer like freshly baked bread.
- sunday, october 17th '99 -
now, about that study break... 25. And approximately how many days has it been since you last had sex? If you're a virgin (which is okay by me) simply type "VIRGIN" in all capital letters, turn up your computer's volume all the way, and click here. seeing as we are all immersed in midterms and stress is found in high frequency in the population (that's my evolution midterm talkin'), i thought i'd share this stress reliever. This sextest was hilarious and entertaining and divulges useful information -- like how many people you will have sex with in your life. the current feature is actually one of the questions. aint it grand? so take a look-see and let me know how much fun you will be having in the future. :)
on a vaguely related note, if you don't want to take the test during your study break, the disclaimer of the sextest has another suggestion:
"... we've declared October Have Sex Month at TheSpark.com. So if you are 18, we strongly recommend you drop all your inhibitions, read up on safe sex, and make passionate love to someone you care about. You know, a friend, lover, spouse, or colleague. You only live once."
- saturday, october 16th '99 -
freudian swing just got home from swing ring... i think there's only ever been one other time in which swing dancing didn't leave me feeling euphoric, or at least some degree of happiness and satisfaction. it may all boil down to social settings and group dynamics. the vancouver bunch is less "structured" and "central", making it easy to dance with and get to know new people. also, there was this great bunch of friends that i always went with (i miss you guys!) who were enthusiastic about it... which always makes things terrific. a favourite scene slice: dancing right through songs without stopping or missing a beat, grinning and eye-contact abound, lighthearted (where a trip-up is taken in stride and just laughed off), experimenting with new moves and ideas... a good time had by all. i'm not sure if i miss the vancouver scene more or the rvc bathroom though... :)
- wednesday, october 13th '99 -
why am i so affected by some people?
- tuesday, october 12th '99 -
Feature Horoscope:
Celestial advice for Tuesday, October 12, 1999
Dare to look at things differently. Break out of the box of
stale thinking. Let old approaches give way to new methods.
Analytical thought will help you get a handle on a winning
strategy. Indulge your artistic inspirations without delay.
Associations with youngsters let you forget your worries and
focus on hope. Try looking at the world through more
innocent eyes.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
how timely :) perhaps this is more pertinent to some than others -- box-breaking, artistic necessities. however, if thought along the lines i'm taking, then this horoscope contradicts itself. if one must be outside the box, analytical thinking must be kept to a minimal... one needs an alternative route to winning strategy.
- friday, october 8th '99 -
left not knowing what right is doing why does everyone think i'm so sad lately? do my actions show something my conscious isn't aware of? i might be in denial... but even that may just be an idea drawn from doing too much philosophy and psych lately...
(afterthought) so maybe things do perplex me, but does that constitute *sadness, necessarily?
- wednesday, september 30th '99 -
Bug bites return!
"You will learn the rock-step, the change-of-places, the Charleston; you will learn to lead the girls with a solid right arm (it's the '30s and you are a man); you will fumble, stumble and generally despair, but you'll be hooked.... you will find yourself rehearsing your eight-counts on subway platforms..." - Toronto's Swing Kids 06.11.98
more talk later
- saturday, september 18th '99 -
Feature Horoscope:
Celestial advice for Saturday, September 18, 1999
If you're lamenting something distant you're missing, maybe
you're not having enough fun where you are. Mull what's
lacking in your life and craft a plan to fill the void. You
may be missing a certain person more than you expected. Keep
in touch and voice the depths of your feelings. A no-frills
trip won't bust your budget. And you really need at least a
short vacation.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
i assure you, i read this horoscope only -after- the day was over. amazing how sometimes these things are completely on the ball. was nostalgic of summer in vancouver, wanted to mull (but don't think i managed to be as productive in my attempt to mull as to articulate what's lacking, much less craft a plan), and as far as voicing the depth of my feelings? well... i'm updating, aren't i? :) now all that's left is this little matter of a vacation...
- friday, september 17th '99 -
Feature Quote:
"I need love and attention." - Chayawat Ornthanalai
... one of the many, and certainly the most repeated, memories from my birthday soiree of desserts galore. (galore consisting of tiramisu attempt #2, kate&z's fruit salad, munchkins and coke). mental note: never concocting anything that involves espresso and alcohol for you lot again! :) i should have learned after the kahlua mousse at our dinner party... what was i thinking? :) to amy and karen: avoided the dipping-finger technique and therefore, yay! presents this year were very theme-oriented, interestingly enough... summer cocktail book(and cool pants! but i digress...), martini glasses, and a glass martini shaker and measuring shotglass... all from different people. strange, eh? perhaps i've been obsessing about this bartending thing a tad much, especially seeing as i'm no longer taking that "intro to bartending" course. offer still stands though... come visit me (esp. you non-montreal-ers) and i'll mix you a drink :)
about the quote specifically: of course, it's a common necessity(though we may not express it quite as much as chay did that night). perhaps if i voice my desire for love and attention more, i can get more hugs? :) (hope, hope)
- tuesday, september 14th '99 -
Feature Quote:
"The sign of a good driver is knowing when the lines on the road are important,and when they're just paint. This is one of the keys to life, also..." - don't know who said it, saw it as the signature to someone's email
i feel that i have more to say about this but will talk later :)
(cont. 09/19/99) alright, the reason i found it so difficult to expand on the topic when i first wrote it is because i thought i didn't really know what i thought about the quote. i have, however, come to the realisation that it's not that i don't know what i think, but rather, i have a vague, but fairly complete opinion but cannot seem to express how i feel. articulation has not been a strong point with me lately. besides the more obvious idea that the quote suggests that life should be lived not always by the "straight and narrow" that society imposes, and that risks should be taken, i believe the idea can be further *extrapolated :) to other contexts. not only should we not allow ourselves to feel constrained by the boundaries set by the status quo, but also those set by ourselves. need to get out of one's box... whether that be expanding one's scope of life, or overcoming one's "mental set" (social psych term). the former quality refers to that "enjoyment of exciting new things and old tried-tested-true things" (re: amy's list). i've been working on being open to try almost anything at least once (i think i'll even to drop zone, johnson :)). i must confess, however, that i seem to be failing, as of late, at attaining that latter quality. i've been trying to replace that which is missing by attempts at recreation when, of course, absolute reproduction is never possible. (this lends itself nicely to a discussion on the topic of idealism => dissapointment... but i refuse to digress :)). simply gotta... see the wonderful in change and uniqueness, right?
- friday, september 10th '99 -
still waters? what are the advantages of having flawless self-control? in my opinion, it simply makes life more difficult for oneself and others involved. sure, having good self-control may help one create the desired image (or, dare i say, facade), but what satisfaction does that really give? i've always been one to prefer "instant reward, instant retribution". besides, it's a comfort to see emotion slipping through the cracks and to know that all may not be as placid as the surface suggests.
- sunday, august 15th '99 -
Feature Comic:
yay for overpriced food, dizzying minigolf ride, linked arms at the 100ft drop, game workers on commision and the silly watermelon :)
- thursday, august 5th '99 -
"and who woulda thought, it figures" it's irony, it's forshadowing, it's some other literary device, it's... fate? i put up the insider's tip to icbc as entertainment and now i just may need to follow it's advice myself...
- monday, august 2nd '99 -
Feature Poem: i could say that this poem is for you cat lovers... but i'd rather look at it a different way (and i'd rather not have an irate amy after me :)). it's been a common theme -- to be curious, to take risks, to, in a nutshell, carpe diem, as karen loves to say. it's been said in the recent smashmouth song -- "only shooting stars break the mold", and in someone's quip "if there was one thing i'd do differently in my life, it would be to take more risks" [sic]. in fact, it was said in a bit by douglas adams that i nearly used as my grad quote, on the art of flying: "the knack lies in throwing yourself at the ground and missing". so difficult to live up to those words, though, whether it be due to indecision, pride, insecurity or simply fear. but how can this be changed? to plan to take risks leaves it too premeditated and adds this artificial glow to it.
Curiositymay have killed the cat; more likely
the cat was just unlucky, or else curious
to see what death was like, having no cause
to go on licking paws, or fathering
litter on litter of kittens, predictably.Nevertheless, to be curious
is dangerous enough. To distrust
what is always said, what seems,
to ask odd questions, interfere in dreams,
leave home, smell rats, have hunches
does not endear him to those doggy circles
where well-smelt baskets, suitable wives, good lunches
are the order of thigns, and where prevails
much wagging of incurious heads and tails.Face it. Curiousity
will not cause him to die--
only lack of it will.
Never to want to see
the other side of the hill,
or that imporbably country
where living is an idyll
(although a probable hell)
would kill us all.
Only the curious
have, if they live, a tale
worth telling at all.Dogs say he loves too much, is irresponsible,
is changeable, marries too many wives,
deserts his children, chills all dinner tables
with tales of his nine lives.
Well, he is lucky. Let him be
nine-lived and contradictory,
curious enough to change, prepared to pay
the cat price, which is to die
and die again and again,
each time with no less pain.
A cat minority of one
is all that can be counted on
to tell the truth. And what he has to tell
on each return from hell
is this: that dying is what the living do,
that dying is what the loving do,
and that dead dogs are those who do not know
that hell is where, to live, they have to go.
- Alastair Reid -
- monday, july 26th '99 -
this is not a page of ill repute i may be supersexyswingingnic, but not a porno page do i write. i've found out that this page has been getting hits from links off search engines when people are searching for "wifeys world". my curiousity is perked, of course, so i go to check it out and find that wifeys world is some amateur porn site. yegh... now i have this temptation to put a password on the photo page a la amy. so to all of you who came by looking for indecent exposure via a search engine: sorry, but this ain't the place. (and to all you others who came by not via a search engine... state your terms and we'll see what arrangement we might be able to come by ;) )
- tuesday, july 13th '99 -
Feature Insider's Tip:
i don't know if this is actually true, but i received it in the mail and it sounds well... interesting. i mean, if you're going to lose points as default, you might as well give this a try :)
JUST SOME USEFUL INFO FOR THE FAST DRIVERS.
Spread the word and beat the system :)
This was forwarded from a Co-op Student working for the Ministry of Transportation. This is an interesting and, I am sure for all you petrol heads, an invaluable tip if you get a speeding ticket, blast through a red light or other infraction you could lose demerit points from your license. Here's a method to ensure that you DON'T lose any points: When you get your fine, send a cheque to pay it, and if the fine is say $79 then make the cheque out for $82 or some small amount above the fine. The system will then have to send you a cheque back for the difference-so eventually you get a cheque for $3. Now, here is the trick - DON'T cash the check - throw it away. Demerit points are not removed from your license until all of the financial transactions are complete. If you don't cash the cheque then the
transactions are not complete, however, the system has got its money so it is happy and doesn't bother you anymore.
- wednesday, july 7th '99 -
balance the key to life is balance. it is the focus of advice from alternative medicines, spiritual practices,even such magazines as cosmo and ym. have you not noticed, while taking some of their quizzes, that it is quite easy to identify which answer you should pick so that you end up with a score where you can feel good about yourself. but life isn't shaped like a 3-option quiz or a titration curve where that sought-after balance is drastically unique and easily identified. the point of balance is much more ambiguous. it is surrounded by options which are mere shades towards an extreme or another. how is one able to identify that optimal point? i guess we've all been trying to find that happy medium because our lives are going through so much change. attempts to pinpoint where that exact place to draw the line between friendship and else is, how much we should deviate off the straight and narrow path to have some fun while still setting our future, what proportions of responsibility should be taken on by parent and what should be entrusted for the child to decide, when the manifestations of respect for our elders should give way to living life for ourselves. but because it is such a gradual movement from one extreme to the other, no matter where our situations lie on the curve, it is easy to justify the point we're at as being right, as being the only way it can be done for the circumstance. how, then, do we know if there isn't some better balance out there, that how we've chosen so far -isn't- the best for us?
- tuesday, july 6th '99 -
something in the water... don't know what's been up lately but several of us have been affected by various symptoms of lethargy, intangible sadness, space-y-ness... maybe because it's because of the multitudes of rain and unstable moments of sun. so if you see me looking a lil' off, don't worry, don't read into it too much :) "it's not you, it's me". simply a bit under the weather... perhaps quite literally :)
- saturday, july 3rd '99 -
sap one thing that keeps being increasingly obvious is that i'm a big sap, cheese, schmaltz... call it what you will :) cloud nine was playing on the radio after aerials workshop (which was awesome, by the way! though i'm thoroughly sore and shaky now...) and gracie asks "what's cloud nine?" it's happiness. in that eudaimonia sense, of course :) so i make some comment about people not being able to see cloud nine because they don't realise they're in it (a la reference to good omens. basically, happiness is ubiquitous. later in the day when i'm chastising myself for being such a cheeseball, i ask myself whether i actually do believe that happiness is everywhere... and came to the conclusion that i do. there is almost always a situation in which you can find some aspect to be happy about. i don't mean the "oh well, at least you're alive" happiness where you compare yourself to worst case scenario, but genuine joy in something. recent example... anyone who's been around knows that the past few days have been difficult... for various reasons. so frustrating even, that at times, one might wonder how there could be room for any other emotion. but my friends really came through for me and were terrific. so a huge thanks to my wifeys for being you :)
- sunday, june 27th '99 -
"wretched", by cher's choice of words though i would greatly like to rant on the webpage (this is being written on wordpad), i’ve found that i don’t want to deal with the hassle of logging in. geocities has recently merged with yahoo! and it seems that yahoo! holds the upper hand. firstly, geocities was down for the last couple days and now all geocities members must sign new terms of agreements and be assimilated to yahoo!. they’re also planning to put advertisements on our page and the geocities members have to get new member names. so much for "sugahigh", it's been taken. and somehow they won't allow me to use "supersexyswingingnic". bah cubed. i guess this wouldn’t usually bother me so much but i just didn’t have the patience to go through the whole procedure. my plans today got cancelled and i just came back from choir after having been there for a whopping 10 minutes, tops. turns out that peter didn’t call me to let me know there was actually practice today and i show up to find out that the choir would be singing fun pieces up at the front with professional musicians. i want to sight read and sing along but am… kindly suggested that it would not be a good idea. how typical. just like the pitch issue, the singing with the tenors issue… why can’t i get the benefit of the doubt?
- thursday, june 24th '99 -
scramble currently downloading minitab to one of the pulmonary lab computers... for the third time. it crashed twice beforehand. i think the computer couldn't handle accessing the geocities file manager and downloading at the same time so i've learned my lesson and here i am writing on wordpad instead. oh well. the download is going to take about 15 minutes so i thought i'd do a quickie update on whatever has been happening lately. On tuesday, louis and i hit the lindy lesson. piles of fun :) it's only the second class but it seems that everyone is getting to know each other and mill around and talk and dance with random people. imagine by the end of the five weeks. swing buddies! also, it seems quite a lot of the them hit the friday and saturday east coast nights so i'll have to check that out sometime... bring some of y'all that i keep promising to teach and just get soaked into the atmosphere. it's going to be a summer of "student" drivers -- louis drove that night (though that wasn't what was intended to scare me :)) and amy's got this non-boat courtesy car that she gets to drive around some.. and i've offered my civic for her to practice on so that she'll be pro when she gets that mystery lil blue car with the sunroof and cd player. so on wednesday, amy drives over (with agonising mom in the "death seat", of course) and we attempt to make tiramisu with karen. they say you learn something each day; we learned that you cannot test for sufficiency of rum by dipping your finger in the mix to taste. oh well. now we have a cake in which you can select the degree of tipsyness you would like to reach -- not at all, eat the top layer; very, eat (or rather, drink) the bottom layer. it'll be better next time :) *sigh* downloading just crashed three more times so off i go to find alternative methods.
- sunday, june 20th '99 -
warm apple pie it's that wonderfully content feeling. i love my life. should i not be saying such things so openly lest i be tempting fate? (knock on wood) it's not that my life is perfect but there are these wonderful aspects which are usually taken for granted. so i noticed some today: at church -- this terrific sense of community, smiles from strangers just because they see you nearby... and at lunch -- my family joking around and being close... :) and so, though i know i may beat felicity on little-house-on-the-prairie-ness, i will venture to say that i'm happy *all* the people in my life -are- in my life. :) it's been a yummy day.
- friday, june 18th '99 -
shady development egh. in some ways, i think i'm turning into exactly what i never wanted to be. when it comes down to it, though,when i think of how i can prevent it, i can't because these aspects are also bound up with other ideas i want to keep. so in the end, all the ideals overlap and interfere. which is why, i suppose, everything is simply shades of gray...
- thursday, june 17th '99 -
same as always doesn't logic tell us that if something is true for a subset or part of a greater thing... then it should be true for the whole? and only if? thus, something shouldn't work for the whole and not for the part, right? or do things just change depending on which form it's taking? how could i have... or not see or... ? i'm lost.
re-write in math if “x” is of a set of numbers “list”… then what must be true for “list” must first be true for “x”. how can it be any other way? or is “x” not actually part of the set? i’ve tried disentangling them and found them unconnected somehow this time.
- wednesday, june 16th '99 -
i can't concentrate.
- tuesday, june 15th '99 -
classic confusions there will always be those oft talked-about topics, those that will be debated always but will never a solution find. which came first, the chicken or the egg? why did the chicken cross the road? and can members of the attracting sex be really good friends without that aspect of attraction? some say that there are no right answers... but i've got theories of my own. to the first, i quip: candles, black satin sheets, etc... there's a chicken and an egg in bed. the chicken is happily snoozing away while the egg is propped up against the pillows, smoking with a disgruntled look on his face. he mutters "well. i guess we know the answer to -that- question." (tee hee). addressing the second question, i would like to point out that i have never ever seen a chicken cross the road. i did once see a squirrel cross the road but it didn't quite make it... so perhaps, not only is there no right answer, but no right question either. lastly, the third question... i'm afraid that my answer is "i dunno" (ack! one more for me!) :) or rather, i haven't decided. i believe i stand more with those who think that at some point of closeness, the attraction will kick in... or get in the way. what i wonder is -- where is that point? how close is close? i'll probably find it's one of those "you've got to hit the line before you can draw the line" categories. some people believe that such close relationships are possible without the attraction. i've found that it's usually those who are romantics who believe this. not so much the mushy, floaty, flowery romantics... but more the idealist type, relatively untouched by cynicism. perhaps it's because they view romantic relationships as distinct from friendships while the former group of people believe that the line between friendship and romantic relationships is completely hazy, if it is really there at all. if i'm terribly cynical while being hopelessly idealistic (i mean... you've got to be into idealism if you follow my rocket science theories...), where does that leave me? sitting on the fence... how typical. then again, maybe everything i've just written is completely off the mark and it all actually depends on the depth and breadth of interactions one has had with people. who knows...?
- friday, june 11th '99 (later in the day) -
communication tee hee :) i come to visit my own page and find this big banner praising by buddy, ames :) can you tell who helped me upload my update today? :) ah well... it gave me a great laugh so i think i'll leave it up there for a while :) afterall, she deserves it... she feeds my dog at work for me! :) but i digress... :) i was looking back at the update i wrote today. for me, i write my updates so i have a diary of my life and a few odd times... i write to work out or expunge how i feel at the time. i'm pretty sure others do it too. however, because this is all taking place on a webpage... we express ourselves cryptically... just enough that the writer (and perhaps a few select confidants) know what is being said. this is good, probably healthy. afterall webpages are not always for the public, as is commonly believed, but rather for the self. all the readers, though, are left to try to interpret, and for those of us who think too much... well :) it's like we're playing some strange form of that game "telephone".
- friday, june 11th '99 -
update much? so i guess it's about time i touched this webpage again, eh? well if you've really been pining away for my updates, you're in luck. today is "corporate day" where i work (they try to encourage the "corporates", whoever they are, to come in for a little extra time each day and eventually that extra time adds up to a full day and the hospital will randomly pick the day they take off) so a lot of people aren't in today. officially, it doesn't apply to students but ... only about half the people showed up today anyhow so... i'm going to slack off a bit *shhhhh!* :)
decisions, decisions... let me tell you the secret key to my life... that quality which all aspects of my life thread back to. indecision. i absolutely hate decisions. avoid them like the plague. i guess that's why i don't usually have much change in my life. i mean, pushing change requires making the decision that change is needed and in what direction the change should take. so i live through life thinking "if it ain't broke...". but even the statics of life aren't enough because another big trait of mine comes into play -- thinking too much. so i second-guess every aspect and worry and worry and worry etc etc. how is a person to solve that? the usual tactic so far seems to be waiting it out and hoping it'll go away... but the time comes when it's evident that it ain't gonna get gone unless something is done. so *deep breath* decision time, rocket science time: taking everything apart and hoping it'll all fall in place properly, no gaps, no questions, no worries. if it's meant to be, it's meant to be... right? already, i'm starting to doubt my choice. wish i had someway, somehow, something... someone... to make me feel sure.
- thursday, may 27th '99 -
puzzle pieces ok so i have this analogy. yes, i know, i can hear you groaning "again?". but yes. its like... you don't notice a change but there is one. and when you go away to university, you're part of a different puzzle than the one you were part of back home. and so you try to go back and integrate and it just doesn't work as well. maybe its just new situations, but i've never quited felt that i didn't fit so much. back in vancouver, i feel older than the high school kids yet i don't feel as though i've been to university. as if the only university that's validated here is ubc and otherwise i'm just a kid. it's hard to explain, its just a feeling. and in my job! i'm this big bother... this disturbance to this operation that ran smoothly and i just have to be shoved into a corner so i don't conflict with any other pieces. i think the analogy is starting to break down :) i never -could- hold them for very long. and even bits of my life that did fit in vancouver, and montreal... even if we weren't in the same city we'd fit... but now it's like i'm this big disturbance to johnson too... oh. and his whole floor. mustn't fucking disturb his whole floor. y'know, i had this interesting conversation with my cousin about rocket science. we were working on one of those puzzles where there are supposedly tens of thousands of ways of making all the pieces fit and yet somehow its really difficult... and he said that the rocket science approach would be to smash all the pieces to smaller bits to make them fit. maybe that really is the solution to life.