A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. He arrived at the new business site to find a wreath of flowers with a banner that read, "Rest in Peace". He angrily called the florist to complain. After he told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, with flowers that say 'Congratulations on your new location'!"
A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. "I've circled the block for 20 minutes. I'm late for an appointment, and if I don't park here I'll lose my job. `Forgive us our trespasses.'" When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: "I've circled the block for 20 years, and if I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. `Lead us not into temptation.'"
A man is holding his wife's hand as she lays on her death bed. "Jerry, I, I have something to tell you before I pass on." "No, no, dear. Everything is forgiven now. All is well." "No, Jerry. I've been carrying this load for years now, and I must tell you. I,..., I've been unfaithful to you. I slept with your best friend, Phil. I'm so terribly sorry." "Yes, dear, I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"