Sweetheart,
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a thoroughly delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With Deepest Love,
Kaytybug
Day 2.
Sweetiepie,
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine....two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gifts. They are just adorable.
All my love,
Kaytybug
Day 3.
Dear,
Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one? Now I really must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been much too kind.
Love,
Kaytybug
Day 4.
Sweetie,
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. They are beautiful, but don't you think enough's enough. You're being a little overly romantic.
Affectionately,
Kaytybug
Day 5.
Dearest,
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings; one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I luv it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves. Glad you stopped with all the birds.
All my love,
Kaytybug
Day 6.
Dear,
When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So, you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket.
Respectfully,
Kaytybug
Day 7.
Honey,
What's with you and those darn birds? Seven swans a-swimming? What kind of joke is this? There is bird crap all over the house and they never stop with the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny anymore, so stop with the birds, will ya!
Kaytybug
Day 8.
Ok, Buster!
I think I prefer the birds. What the heck am I supposed to do with eight maids a-milking? It's not enough with all the birds and eight maids a-milking, but they had to bring cows. Cowpies are all over the lawn and I can't move around in my own house. Just lay off me jerk!
Kaytybug
Day 9.
Hey!! Butthead!!
What are you? Some kind of monster! Now there's nine pipers piping, they won't stop. They have been chasing the maids since they got here. The cows get upset and step all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.
You'll get yours,
Kaytybug
Day 10.
You Rotten Dirtbag,
Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why they're called ladies. They have been up with those pipers all night long. The cows can't sleep so now they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of cowpoop. The Commissioners of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why this building shouldn't be condemned. I'm calling the police on you!!
One who means it,
Kaytybug
Day 11.
Listen Meathead!
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 23 birds are dead. They were trampled to death by the cows. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten, viscious swine.
Your sworn enemy,
Kaytybug
Day 12.
From the law offices of Dancer, Prancer and Rudolph:
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Kaytybug. The destruction, of course, was total. You shall refrain from all correspondence with our client and direct any inquiries to our attention. If you should attempt to contact Ms. Kaytybug at St. Pat's Mental Institution, the attendants have instructions to forcibly restrain you and call the police. With this letter, please find attached warrant for arrest.
Cordially,
Dancer, Prancer and Rudolph
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