"Hi there, in the Taco bell of life you are a burrito supreme,"
She looks at him with disgust and quickly replies,
"Yeah buddy, and your a plain taco."
A put down line:
Lad : "So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Lass : "Unfertilised!"
"Do you sleep on your stomach?"
"Can I?"
Man: "Where have you been all my life?"
Woman: "Hiding from you!"
"Was it difficult getting into those jeans?"
"Can I try?"
"Oh baby, you look so good I could drink your bath water!"
"Why don't you sit on my face so that I can eat my way to your heart."
"I like your shoes! want to fuck?"
"I may not be Fred Flinstone but I sure can make your *BEDROCK*"
Guy: "Hold out your hand."
Girl holds out hand, gets 40c dropped into it.
Girl: "What's this for?"
Guy: "So you can phone your mother to tell her you're not coming home tonight!".
Man: Did you wash your jeans in Windex?
Woman: No, why?
Man: Because I can sure see myself in them.
Man: "Your father must have been a thief."
Woman:"Why do you say that?"
Man: "Because he stole the twilight from the stars and put them in your eyes."
Man:"Do you have plans later?"
Woman: "No not really."
Man: "Well if your heart ain't busy tonite, maybe it and other parts of you would like to
get together with mine?"
"You've got whitest set of teeth I've ever come across."
"HEY! There's a party in my mouth and you're invited to come."
"Can I take you home and wake up in the morning with my face feeling like a glazed
doughnut?"
"Hey babe, I have clean underwear on."
"I like your shirt, but it would look better on my floor in the morning!"
Guy : Can I have your phone #
Girl: 493-Never in your life
Customer: What time do you get off?
Barmaid: That depends on how good you are!
"One way or another I'm going to make love to you tonight. but I'd rather you be there."
Man: "Is that a spacesuit you are wearing?"
Woman: "No, why?"
Man: "Because your body is out of this world."
"Should I call you in the morning or should I just roll over?"
"Is that a mirror in your pocket cuase I can really see me in your pants."
Guy says to girl that has shot down other blatently sexual lines, "Want to go back to my place
and talk about math?" pause for questioned face... "We'll add you to me, subtract our
clothing, divide your legs, and multiply."
"I'm not looking for a relationship... I'm looking for an experience"
"Why don't you come on over here, sit on my lap, and we'll talk about the first thing that
pops up"
"Sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us"
Irish: "Have you got a little Irish in you?"
She: "Uh...no"
Irish: "Well, do you want some?"
"You're ugly but you intrigue me"
"If you are what you eat, I could be you by morning"
She (to passing man): "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
He: "Do you have the energy?"
"I'm in the process of writing a phone-book. May I have your number?"
"You're prettier than a beer truck pulling up my driveway!"
"I don't think I've let money make me feel all that special"
"Have you ever spent LOTS of money just for the fun of it?"
"I *love* women who aren't afraid to put on a few pounds"
"Hi, can I buy you several drinks?"
"I'd use a cheesy pick-up line on you, but you're too smart!"
At the office copy machine: "Reproducing eh?", "Can I help?"
Motion with your finger for a girl to come over. When she gets there say, "I knew if I fingered
you long enough you would cum!"
"Hi! Can I buy you a car?"
"My face is leaving in 10 minutes. Be on it!"
"I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?"
"My hands are fast, but my tongue is quicker."
Look at the tag in her shirt and say, "I wanted to see if you were really made in heaven"
"Do you believe in one-night-stands?"
"With one touch, I could make you make sounds that only a dog could hear!"
"I'm conducting a feel test of how many women have pierced nipples"
"Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart!"
A guy walks into a pub and grabs a seat at the bar.It's
kinda' busy, so the bartender comes by and ask "What can I
get for you ?", the patron replys "whiskey !".
The bartender sets him up and keeps on working.He slams
down the shot and puts the glass down.The bartender comes
back and says "That'll be $4.25"
"Oh NO!" replys the man."
You ask me what I wanted,I told you and you GAVE it
to me,you said nothing about cost!"
The bartender steps back
in surprise and looks down the bar at the other customers.
"He's right,"explains one gentleman.
"I'm a lawyer and he's
got every right to refuse to pay under those circumstances!"
Furious, the bartender says"Get the hell outta' my bar!!". He
leaves and the bartender takes the glass off the bar.
As he turns back around to wipe off the counter, he is
amazed to see this guy back at the bar.
"I thought I just told you to get outta' here!!"
"Oh no, it couldn't have been me."
The bartender leans back,crosses his arms and says
"Oh REALLY! Then you must have a double!!"
"THANKS" says the guy, "and give
my lawyer friend one too!"
The recently married couple split up shortly after the wedding. The trouble
started when the husband arrived home from work and found his new wife lying
naked on the couch.
"What's for dinner?" he asked.
"Pussy," she replied.
"Damn," the husband spat. "That's what I had for lunch."
