1. Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: Gifted!
2. Q: How do blonde brain cells die? A: Alone.
3. Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? A: Pregnant.
4. Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common? A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
5. Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? A1: Artificial intelligence. A2: By doing the splits.
6. Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver? A: She missed the Earth!
7. Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
8. Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met.
9. Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!
10. Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain? A: After a dye job. 11. Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? A1: She'd just dyed her hair. A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
12. Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
13. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
14. Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievment? A: An IN-body experience!
15. Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Manuever.
16. Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off and fell down the drain.
17. Q: Why don't they let blondes swim in the ocean? A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna.
18. Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
19. Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle? A: Shine a torch in her ears.
20. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
21. Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A1: There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A2: There's writing on the white-out.
22. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
23. Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin'!
24. Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
25. Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!
26. Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.
27. Q: How do blondes pierce their ears? A: They put tacks in their shoulder pads.
28. Q: Why don't blondes eat Jello? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water into those little packages.
29. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? A: She liked kids...
30. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
31. Teller: Why did the blonde move to L.A.? Blonde: I don't know. Why? Teller: It was easier to spell. Blonde: Easier than what?
32. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earrings? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
33. Q: Why do blondes where big hoop earrings? A: To put their feet through.
34. Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag? A: One.
35. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop.
36. Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two, One to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass her the blow dryer!
37. Q: How do you describe 3 prostitutes and a blonde? A: Ho, Ho, Ho, and to all a good night.
38. Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
39. Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence? A: She wasn't used to the front seat!
40. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10:00pm? A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
41. Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden.
42. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm *sooo* drunk!"
43. Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!"
44. Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing? A: She was run over by the zamboni machine.
45. Q: What's a brunette's mating call? A1: Has that blonde gone yet? A2: When is that blonde bitch going to leave!? A3: "All the blondes have gone home!"
46. Q: Why do blondes drive BMWs? A: Because they can spell it.
47. Q: Why do blondes like the GST? (GST -- Goods and Services Tax now in effect in Canada) A: Because they can spell it.
48. Q: What is 74 to a blonde? A: 69 plus G.S.T.
49. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes Go In First.
50. Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts? A: Tits Go In Front.
51. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side? A: An interpreter.
52. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A: A mental block.
53. Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A1: Blow in her ear. A2: Buy her another beer.
54. Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in? A: "Have another beer."
55. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
56. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces themself. A2: Walks home.
57. Q: Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer? A: So she could keep the refriderator cold.
58. Q: How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: She fell out of the tree.
59. Q: What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A: A thought.
60. Q: How many blondes does it take to play Hide and Seek? A: One.
61. Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number ELEVEN? A: She didn't know what ONE came first...
62. Q: What do you call a blonde without an asshole? A: Divorced.
63. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"
64. Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage? Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week. Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
65. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob? A1: Because everybody gets a turn. A2: So they know when to stop having sex!
66. Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool? A: Air pockets.
67. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel.
68. Q: What did Jimmy Swaggart pay for his prostitute and her four blonde friends? A: Regular price, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks, four bucks.
69. Q: What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: "Space. The final frontier......"
70. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw the entire Bengals team? A: Just One... Boomer Esiason.
71. Q: What's brown and red and black and blue? A: A brunette who's told one too many blonde jokes.
72. Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data transfer.
73. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!"
74. Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress? A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
75. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag)? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?"
76. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A1: Because they don't know any better. A2: They are easier to keep amused.
77. Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? A1: "What's a lightbulb?" A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"
78. Q: What's a blonde's favourite wine? A: "Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!"
79. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A wine cellar.
80. Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes? A: Peroxide.
81. Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes? A: They're doing research on black holes.
82. Q: What do you call a blonde with a runny nose? A: Full.
83. Imitation of a blonde refuelling... (Flap hand, blowing air into ears).
84. Q: Why don't blondes breastfeed their babies? A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.
85. Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth? A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
86. Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? A: "Are you sure it's mine?"
87. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel.
88. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? A: A dope ring.
89. Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a dumb blonde, and a smart blonde are walking down the street when they spot a $10 bill. Who picks it up? A1: The dumb blonde! because, there is no such thing as Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, or a smart blonde. A2: None of them. There is no such thing as Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy or a smart blonde and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.
90. Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? A: To see what was on the other side.
91. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
92. Q: Why do blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is.
93. Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out.
94. Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!
95. Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first? A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions.
96. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up!
97. Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
98. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.
99. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
100. Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle? A: Rebel without a clue.
101. Q: Why do blondes have vaginas? A: So guys will talk to them at parties.
102. Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter.
103. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"? A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".
104. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted.
105. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone? A: It costs more to use a telephone.
106. Q: How can you tell when a blonde rejects a new brain transplant? A: She sneezes.
107. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York? A: The Grand Old Duke of York only 'had' 10000 men.
108. A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord - nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
109. Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common? A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.
110. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
111. Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up.
112. Q: What do blondes and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them.
113. Q:What do they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican? A: Retardo