Leak Reveals Identity Of Secret Cauldron-Lighter
Perpetual Symbol Of Peace, Mystical Influence On Games To Be Lit By Deceased Former Australian Prime Minister
SYDNEY, WEDNESDAY-- Mule HQ has today discovered the until-now secret identity of the person who will run the final stadium leg of the torch relay and then light the symbolic cauldron: Deceased Former Australian Prime Minister Francis Forde.
Forde is said to have received the honour for his infamous role as Australia's shortest-serving Prime Minister, holding the office for just eight days in 1945 following the death of Australia's wartime leader John Curtin. Forde himself passed away in 1983.
While it is not yet clear how exactly Forde will accomplish the task - one which will be watched by an estimated three billion people worldwide - Mule HQ's sources within the Organising Committee have suggested Forde will carry the torch from within his coffin, being wheeled around the track before 110,000 cheering spectators before traversing a purpose-built ramp to ignite the flame and usher in 16 days of fierce competition amongst the world's elite athletes.
Commentators and political heavyweights alike have heaped praise on the decision.
"It's a wonderful decision; the Australian public's way of saying a cheery 'Thankyou!' to Francis Micheal Forde for his 8 days of tireless leadership of this nation, his nation" said noted television and print sportscaster Mike Gibson. "Maybe he would be better thanked by just being left to rest in peace, but hey - Australians have never let 17 years of death get in the way of thanking a mate."
Current Labor Party leader Kim Beazley was also in praise of the decision to give his predecessor the nod.
"Frank is the right man," said a clearly moved Beazley. "There is no doubt that he will give the occassion the dignity and gravitas it deserves."
"Both sides of politics can agree with this appointment" concurred a grinning John Howard, current Australian Prime Minister. "Forde, between July 6th and 13th 1945, led this currently with aplomb and stature as the Second World War drew to a close. The fact that he expired almost two decades ago makes no difference."
"I'm just worried about the smell" Beazley added.
Francis Micheal Forde, the 19th Prime Minister of Australia, narrowly edged out other favourites to light the flame, such as former Olympians Dawn Fraser and Betty Cuthbert, and Australia's first Prime Minister Edmund Barton.
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