Spectacular Display To Close Games
Bombing Of New Zealand Says 'Farewell To The World' In Style
SYDNEY, THURSDAY SEPT. 28TH-- In a small preview of what is to come this Sunday night, Ric Birch and his Closing Ceremony team have released to the press a non-specific schedule of events, including a dramatic and extravagant 'River Of Lightning' fireworks display along the Parramatta River, culminating in a long-range missile attack on New Zealand - all to be beamed to the people of the world in a moving 4 hour ceremony.Following a closing ceremony which, in a unique and innovative approach, continues on from the narrative of the opening ceremony, a mammoth fireworks spectacle will shoot its way across the water and up into Sydney Harbour.
The pyrotechnic blitzkrieg will be capped by a more practical set of explosions as Australian Governor-General Sir William Deane will pull down on a giant novelty switch, the cue to launch a devastating phalanx of long-range ballistic missiles at the New Zealand capital, Wellington. The missiles will begin their 'mission of doom' from a Naval Cruiser just off the coast of the Shaky Isles.
Finally, as if to make sure the success of the attack, drunken fighter pilots will scramble to obliterate any remaining buildings or structures.
"Australians will feel more proud as a result of this display than at any other point in our nation's relatively short history," says Fireworks co-ordinator Ignatius Jones. "If you found yourself getting a little misty-eyed at some point during the Opening Ceremony, then you will be crying rivers when the first of a 20 missile barrage rains down on a hapless Kiwi public."
"What better way to say farewell to the world than bombarding a small nation - especially New Zealand?" added Jones.
The plan is to start with Wellington's Parliament building and Central Business District as dual epicentres, then work out in what had been dubbed as a 'Wall Of Fire' by organisers.
It is unclear whether the attack is a precursor to any further invasion, but according to Jones and Chief Organiser Ric Birch, the hail of missiles is "just a bit of fun, a light-hearted celebration of Australian military might over the last century" - hopefully the New Zealanders will get the joke.