Syd, Millie And Olly Found Dead In River

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Little-Seen, Disliked Mascots Located, Police Suspect Foul Play

SYDNEY, SUNDAY SEPT. 24TH-- With all the successes of these 27th Olympiad in beautiful Sydney, Australia, one could be forgiven for thinking that everything was going along swimmingly. However, there has been a black mark on the Games; the three Olympic mascots - Syd, Millie and Olly - have been noticeable in their absence at all official functions, such as last week's spectacular Opening Ceremony. Now the questions as to their whereabouts have finally been answered, with police making a grisly find in the Parramatta River.

The bound and gagged bodies of all three mascots, badly decomposed, were found with their feet in concrete blocks. Syd the Platypus' beak was badly broken, almost to the point of snapping off, and the other two had also sustained massive external and internal injuries.

The find comes after police were tipped off by an anonymous man last Thursday, wishing to only be identified as 'Micheal'. Upon receiving the tip, police deployed rescue units, replete with divers, to recover the bodies. The manner in which the unit found the bodies suggests foul play, and Police Commissioner Peter Ryan already seems to have a few likely suspects in mind.

"The mascots, while having some sense of what is known in the business as 'cuteness', were really never embraced by the public, and in turn never utilised by organisers. Truth be told, people didn't like them. Now it is our job, in tandem with the Coroner, to identify what happened - and in that regard we've already isolated a few scenarios" said Ryan.

"Firstly, we've reasoned that it could be an inside job - the mascots never took off, and therefore SOCOG - under the direction of Ric Birch and Micheal Knight - had them taken out by underworld interests. Secondly, we're not ruling out the possiblity that Olly, a known manic-depressive, didn't simply murder his fellow mascots and then take his own life once he had submerged under the water."

Ryan added that latter scenario was unlikely since Olly was a kookaburra and therefore had no opposable thumbs or hands with which to operate a firearm, only wings.

"Thirdly and finally, we realise that indeed the culprit could have been anyone; everyone in the city and also the country could have done this. The fact remains: no-one liked the trio, and so for all intents and purposes anyone could have killed the poor bastards."

An autopsy, already launched by the Coroner, will be concluded by the end of the week, hoping to shed some light on the uncertainty surrounding the deaths. What is not uncertain, however, is that these Games - arguably the most successful ever - will continue regardless of the deaths. After all, they have up until this point anyway, mascots or not - who cares?!.

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