| Scene 1: We go back to MONROE at the warehouse, along with real estate heavyweight RAND OXFORD, who is busy demonstrating the property's selling points, under gloomy skies, in a vigourous game of charades Monroe: Um...six words?...Six? [Rand nods] Monroe: Ah, first word... [Rand acts out elaborate series of wild calisthenics, hopping and jumping] Monroe: Ohhh, oh, got it!..."Fully adaptable to suit your needs"! Rand: I say, well done! Monroe: [Blushing] Thanks... Rand: No, really...that was well done. How the hell did you get that one?! Monroe: Oh, I've seen it before. Back when I was young, the whole family used to get together for giant charade challenges. Rand: Uh-huh. Monroe: ...and after playing charades every night straight for a month, you tend to run out of ideas. Rand: Oh, ok...your whole family, huh? Monroe: Yeah....except for my father, whose amazing return to my life as a cinema manager and business associate moved us all a few days ago.[1] Rand: Oh really? Cinema Manager... [CINEMA MANAGER enters the warehouse courtyard] Cinema Manager: Yes...Cinema Manager. [Rand looks surprised] Monroe: Dad!!! [Jumps up to embrace his father] Cinema Manager: Son, I just thought I'd drop by and see how you were coping with this ol' bastard! Monroe: Oh, ah, [assumes from "Ol' Bastard" remark] you're old friends, huh? Cinema Manager: No, he really is an old bastard. Rand: ...we dislike each other very much. Monroe: Oh.....great. This should be interesting. Cinema Manager: So, son, have you made a decision yet about the place? Monroe: No. Rand here was just taking me through the features of it with a game of charades. Cinema Manager: Hmmm...yeah... [to Rand] ...that's just your style, ain't it? Rand: Pipe down, asshole -- Monroe: W-W-What's the deal with this, anyway? Why the hell are you enemies? Rand: Well son, it all goes back to -- Cinema Manager: -- Shut up, let me tell it. You'll just mangle it up. Oh, and here's an after-thought: don't call him 'son', not even in a folksy way. He's my son. Rand: Jesus...As if I would or could mangle it up. Cinema Manager: Hey, look, it's not my problem that you have problems with timing and narrative structure! Rand: HEY!!! You know how sensitive I am about that...Alright, go ahead, you tell it. Cinema Manager: Good...Well... Rand: F**king child. Cinema Manager: Hey, do you mind, someone's telling a story - something you wouldn't appreciate! Rand: Whatever [Makes the tried and true 'talk to the hand' gesture] Monroe: [aside] For once, I'm the one shaking his head. [ shakes head] Cinema Manager: Well, it all began - 'it' being our bitter and intense personal hatred of each other - five years ago, when icecreams cost only 3c each. No, that was 50 years ago. Anyway, icecream costs aside, I was looking to buy a house in this town, after originally leaving you and your mother to -- Rand: What kind of father is that, I ask you? Cinema Manager: For the last damnedf**kingtime - let me tell the story, pantywaist. Rand: Yeah. Doing a great job. Cinema Manager: Anyway, I had left town when you were still fairly young to enlist in the army and take on 'Charlie' in Vietnam. Monroe: Wow! My father, a war veteran!.....A veteran of the evil war we never wanted and that the West lost, but still... Cinema Manager: Umm, yeah, that's the thing: I got over there a few years late for that. Monroe: Ohhh.... Cinema Manager: You were alive; it was 1984. [Monroe begins to chuckle] Cinema Manager: Why does EVERYONE laugh when I tell them that story?!! Rand: [laughing] I'm not saying anything... Cinema Manager: Well, anyway, I roamed the world for nigh on 12 years before deciding to return home and maybe by chance run into my bastardised son one day. Monroe: I see. That still doesn't explain why you hate each other, though. Cinema Manager: Oh, right. Well, I was buying a home to live in, he's a real estate agent. You do the math. Monroe: Aaah, gotcha. 'It all falls into place'... Rand: Well anyway, thanks for the pretty story. I was just about to display the warehouse's next feature... Monroe: Ohhhhhhh....shit, Hamish's bail hearing!...Dad, I gotta go. You'll have to guess the next few charades for me. Cinema Manager: But son!.... Monroe: C'mon Dad. you have 3 years of poor parenting and 16 years of non-existent parenting to make up to me. Let's say we start here? Cinema Manager: Ohh....ok. [Thunder rumbles in the sky]. You'd better hurry if you want to stay out of this storm, son. Monroe: I will, Dad. Thanks again. Cinema Manager: No problem, son. Putting up with this cretin is a small price to pay in buying back my son's love. Rand: Hmph!... [Monroe hurries off] Cinema Manager: So.... [Rand begrudgingly begins to motion with hands and arms] Cinema Manager: Ah, three words? [Rand nods] Cinema Manager: Ah, first word....[Rand again begins to wildly jump around] ...Hmmm, not getting it. [Rand mutters "Dumbass" to himself] Rand: Here...how 'bout I use a prop? Cinema Manager: Sure. Rand: [picking up steel rod] How very convenient. [Holds rod aloft, begins to shake around as if being electrocuted] Cinema Manager: Oh, oh, oh...."Fully electricity-equipped"! Rand: Yeah...[smiles]...Yeah, well done! Cinema Manager: That was very realistic!... [Tremendous bolt of lightning strikes still-aloft steel rod. Rand collapses to the ground] Cinema Manager: Although, that was a lot more realistic. [1]= See Mr Spontaneous Episode #1B Scene 2: Outside the Courthouse, HAMISH and MR SPONTANEOUS chatter about the bail hearing [see Episode #1C]. Hamish looks resplendent in suit and tie, whilst Mr S. sports a 'Bros.' T-Shirt Hamish: 'Bros.', huh? Mr S.: Yeah, they were before their time. [lights cigarette] Hamish: Hey, I didn't think you smoked. Mr S.: Hamish, do I need to go over all this again?! Hamish: Oh, yeah...spontaneity. Well, if you want 'spontaneous lung cancer', then go ahead. Mr S.: ...I just thought it's help me fit in outside a courtroom. Besides, don't you smoke, hypocrite?! Hamish: Yeah, but I'm cooool [slicks back hair] [Pause] Hamish: Hey, just to say it again, thanks to you for saving my arse in there. Hopefully the magistrate will overturn the whole thing... Mr S.: Yeah... Hamish: I mean, who the hell told the police I was a sex offender?! That's crazy!* * - See Mr Spontaneous Episode #1B Mr S.: Yeah...cuckoo!!!...Crazy, man. [Monroe dashes up courthourse stairs to meet them] Monroe: Oh, Hamish, I'm sorry man. I couldn't make it - got caught up with business, high-flying, yada-yada...You know how it is. Hamish: That's ok. Monroe: Time is money, you know. [Turns to S] Wow, surprising to see you here Sponty. Mr S.: Yeah. [Draws back on cigarette, blows rings of smoke] I came to testify on Hamish's behalf. Monroe: Awwww....That's sweet. Especially since you're the one who -- Hamish: It's good news; he's going to think over our defence, then give his verdict next week. Mr S. You know, it's funny - It feels like a week's gone by already since the Magistrate said that. Hamish: Yeah, weird huh? Monroe: Yeah. [Slight pause. All three look around and fidget] Hamish: So....where's Cynthia, the fox? Mr S.: Aaah, she's got important classes this morning, couldn;t make it. Anyway, what do you do now, Hamish? Hamish: Well, the baliff said I'm free to go home, but I gotta report in once a day. Damn....how am I gonna pay bail, or a fine? I haven't got that money! Mr S.: Hmmm. I don't know... [Smiles a wicked smile] COME BACK NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT THE ANSWERS TO (SOME) OF THESE QUESTIONS IN EPISODE #1E OF 'MR SPONTANEOUS'!!! |