Emergency Summit Reveals Emissions Of The Word 'Thorpedo' At Dangerous Levels
Spectators In And Around Sydney At Serious Risk Of 'Death By Hyberbole'
After Ian Thorpe's sensational victories last night (Saturday) in the Men's 400-metre freestyle and again shortly thereafter in the 4x100-metre relay, the joint summit was called by members of the World Health Organisation, the United Nations and organisers of the Kyoto Summit. It was during this crisis meeting that statistics were revealed indicating a dangerous amount of "'talking-up', hyperbole and the usage of a rather silly word" - one which, according to Mule HQ research, is not listed in any of the world's trusted dictionaries.
It was as the meeting drew to a close that it was unanimously decided that action had to be taken, the members of all three organisations deciding to curb the limit on use of the word 'Thorpedo' - particularly during such a volatile period which saw Thorpe in superb form.
Under the new and as-yet-unbinding protocol, newspapers such as the Daily Telegraph and The Sydney Morning Herald and television networks are to be stripped of their 'Thorpedo privileges', and instead will have to enter a lottery-style ballot on the days that Thorpe swims to gain the right to use the term. It is proposed that the ballot be televised, hosted on a neutral television network by a neutral television personality. Current favourites include SBS, Bert Newton and Cher.
At the same meeting, voters also vowed to re-convene next Wednesday to decide if action needed to be taken with regards to the chant of 'Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi', worried of its implications toward global warming and the ever-widening ozone hole.