Thorpe Thanks Parents For Raising Him Near Nuclear Power Plant And Imbuing Him With Super Powers
Swimmer Already Being Compared With The Greats, Such As Superman, Spiderman After Latest Victory
Attributes Giant Feet, Frame And Freakish Super Powers To Years Of Radiation Exposure
The 'Thorpedo' swam the lead leg for the triumphant team, setting an early platform for Australia's new world record. He was followed by Michael Klim, Todd Pearson and Bill Kirby, the team winning in just over 7 minutes. Following the race, Thorpe was clear on where his abilities came from.
"I'd just like to send a warm thanks to my terrific parents Ken and Margaret. They're up in the stands tonight, as always, and if it wasn't for them choosing a house so close to a dangerously unstable power source, there's no way I'd be here today. There's only so much that coaching and ambition can do; the rest is radiation-induced freak-power."
Super-power expert Allen Ruling agrees wholeheartedly with Thorpe's candid admission.
"Yes, absolutely, the nuclear cellular imbalance plays a big part," said Ruling, only minutes after learning of Thorpe's declaration of gratitude. "We've seen it so many times in the past; I mean, you're got Spiderman: radioactive spider bite, The Incredible Hulk: exposure to normally lethal doses of fictional gamma rays, and the list goes on. Let's face it: natural ability is fine, but to have freakish ability the calibre of Thorpe's, you need extra-special qualities such as the super-speed and super-strength possessed by Superman."
After realising what he had said, Ruling was quick to add: "But, of course, Superman's powers were a result of his Kryptonian body converting our yellow sun's raditation energy into physical energy, so his situation is slightly different to Thorpe's case of mutation."
Meanwhile, there was even bigger news at a press conference following the presentations where Thorpe revealed he may have swum his last race. When a shocked press gathering asked why, he said that he may have to leave the Earth for a while to take care of a plague of space marauders in the Andromeda Galaxy. Head Coach Don Talbot was taken aback by the decision, but nonetheless praised Thorpe and wished him luck.
"If that's what he needs to do, then I'll support him all the way. We've always known Ian's special powers would having him leaving the swimming world sooner rather than later; he never found much use for heat vision or super breath whilst swimming freestyle, so his talents are being wasted. I wish him all the best in defeating the Kladtonians of Andromeda, scourge of galactic peace."