"Bite the wax tadpole."
- Coca-Cola as originally translated into Chinese
"Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the
grave."
- ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally
translated into Chinese
"I am a jelly doughnut"
- English translation of John F. Kennedy speaking at the
Berlin Wall
"We pray for MacArthur's erection."
- sign erected by Japanese citizens in Tokyo, when
MacArthur was considering a run for President
"You are invited to take advantage of the
chambermaid."
- from a guest directory at a Japanese hotel, 1991
"It takes a virile man to make a chicken
pregnant."
- Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad
"I'm not against the blacks and a lot of the good
blacks will attest to that."
- Evan Mecham, then governor of Arizona
"Nixon has been sitting in the White House while
George McGovern has been exposing himself to the people
of the United States."
- Frank Licht, then governor of Rhode Island, campaigning
for McGovern in 1972
"Retraction: The 'Greek Special' is a huge 18 inch
pizza and not a huge 18 inch penis, as described in an
add. Blondie's Pizza would like to apologize for any
confusion Friday's ad may have caused."
- correction printed in The Daily Californian
"Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on
the wall and it rolls off! It's rolling all the way back
to second base! This is a terrible thing for the
Padres!"
- Jerry Coleman, Padres radio announcer
"I want you to take your balls in your hand and
bounce them on the floor and then throw them as high as
you can. Now, have you all got your balls in your
hands?"
- announcer of children's radio show "Life With
Mother" to her audience
Great Quotes
- Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. -- Red Buttons
- Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window. --
Steve Bluestone
- Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
anyone going faster than you is a maniac. -- George Carlin
- I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain. --Carol Leifer
- The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be
caught dead in otherwise. -- Roger Simon
- I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
-- Dave Edison
- Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a
bank robbery has just taken place. -- Johnny Carson
- I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the
Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like
shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache. -- Jack Mayberry
- I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every
other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking
the locks, they are always locking three. -- Elayne Boosler
- Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
-- John Mendoza
- I had a linguistics professor who said that it's man's ability to use
language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may
be. But I think there's one other thing that separates us from
animals. We aren't afraid of vacuum cleaners. -- Jeff Stilson
- The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is
suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends. If they are okay, then it's you. -- Rita Mae Brown
- Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty
violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain
all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you
should get rid of the body before you do the wash. -- Jerry Seinfeld
- I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific. --
Lily Tomlin
- Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
fishburger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.
-- Lynda Montgomery
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