My Weekly Comments About Football And Otherwise


Usually Otherwise...

September 4: OK, well, I was at Qings last Friday after the game (that we LOST). And I stole the cherry from Denae's ice cream (may she rot in hell :). To my surprise, it only took me about 10 seconds to tie it into a knot with my tongue. And Wain was like, "You're coming home with me tonight!" It was so funny. Then, to illustrate how the male mind works, about 5 minutes later, after the topic had totally changed, Wain says, "About this cherry thing..." And all I could think was, "HOW TYPICAL!!" But it was a happy thing.

September 11: Well, last night (Friday) kinda sucked because my favorite person has a bitch... an ugly one. And someone I thought I could trust decided not to tell me about it; now he's on my shit list. And our stinky-ass football team lost again. But all in all Friday was a good night. We made up a song about my purse, and the our band kicked the other band's ass from here to next Tuesday where they've got powdered chicken in a can! The bus ride was great (we sang and drove Amber Hans nuts cause she couldn't hear her Bass-Pumpin'-Homey music) and I remembered why I love away games.

September 18: Ok, so I'm surprised. The football team actually won this Friday. Against Johnstown. 42-20. WOW! So I don't have much to complain about this week, but I do have a happy story. We went to Qing's after the game and the "loser" brought his ho. So, I have a problem with the fact that a college freshman has nothing better to do with his girlfriend (also attending college) on a Friday night than go to his old high school's football game and go to Qing's (where all the band people go). This, to me, is strange. Now, I know that there is absolutely NOTHING to do in a college town on a Friday night (!!) but COME ON! So we were at Qing's and I didn't want to stand in line behind them cause they make me ill. Then Michelle and I sat with a whole bunch of people at the front of the dining area. So the ho comes by with a Doerr ('nuff said) to go to the bathroom (probably cause her multi-layered make-up was running down her face, though we won't go into why :). And then Ben and I started talking (loudly) about how she must use a chisel or a power belt sander to remove her make-up before going to sleep (assuming she ever sleeps, if you know what i mean). And the whole table was laughing and I said that I'd like to punch her and break her nose so that she could get a free, and badly needed nose job, and she and the Doerr came back around the corner right after I said it. She had to have heard it. And the table's collective laughter kinda died down as she passed and erupted again (when she was still within earshot, of course). And then Michelle and Kelly and I tried to play Matchmaker, but we're trying to match two VERY stubborn people. So that was my Friday night.

September 25: So, I better write about the last two Fridays before everyone kicks my ass. Before the game we played some band fag football, girls vs. guys. And of course the girls lost, but only because 1/2 the team ran away from the ball, 1/4 ran towards our quarterback when the ball was snapped, and the rest actually knew what to do. So it was kinda pathetic, but fun as hell. Well the Burrell game just sucked. The band was good, but the football team got their assed beat, 33-8. Nothing even happened at Qings except that I ate pierogis (or however the heck you spell them), 2 of them in one bite each. That was entertaining. But there was no one to make fun of or anything.

October 2: This week, however, was very fun. We played band fag football again except this time it was Seniors and Juniors vs. Sophomores and Freshmen. We almost lost, but in the end, justice and good prevailed (sorry youngins, that's life). The game was great too. We played Knock and we beat them down! 41-0. YEAH!! We've won 2 games!! And their band was pretty good, playing wise. Even though they had a much less complicated drill. We did very well too, but I think their brass section had ours beat: they only had us outnumbered about 2-1. After the game we went to Jared's and had a good old time. Denae had a great time! I was about ready to kill her cause she kept saying how much she had to pee, and was afraid to go in the woods cause she was afraid she'd pee on her jeans. It was pretty damn funny. And then at about 1 in the morning Hobbs came (and I must have been really TIRED or SOMETHING cause I actually asked him, "So where's your ho?"). So, I didn't get to sleep until about 3 or 4 and had to get up at 9 to come home and drive to Berwick! YAY!! So, I had a great weekend (or at least Friday), and I promise I won't forget to write next week... My dad's coming up for the game on Friday, and he's bringing my guitar (pronounced geetar).

October 9: Well, I'm annoyed and ecstatic all at the same time. It rained all friggin' week AND on Friday, so we didn't get to march the halftime show. And only the brass and percussion played at the game. But, it was a happy time altogether cause we were all very hyper and our football team won! 21-11. WELL, I had a good old time at the game cause my dad was there and he said that our band is really good, and we were in street clothes and raincoats... this is a good thing. Oh, and I didn't have time to change out of my tights & stuff, so I was wearing them at the game and when I went to the bathroom, I ripped a huge hole in the tights with my ring. I am so pissed. But anyway, so, after the game we all were going to Qings, and Hobbs and Erin needed a ride, so they came home with me and Jes was supposed to pick us up. I even said "I'll see you at my house." to her as I was leaving. Well, needless to say, Jes is a huge RETARD and she got the whole way up to Qing's and was like, "Where's Amy?", and had to come back and get the three of us. And I molested Hobbs in the back seat ** giggles **. Just kidding. I elbowed him in the side and found out he was ticklish.... it was funny. Hee hee hee.... So anyway, um, we had a fun time and we were picking on people. And I take back every mean word I've said in the past few weeks about the ho, cause she's out of the picture for the time being. And I would also like to say that it looks like the ever-popular "freshman fifteen" has reared its ugly head at some old KHS-ites. OOOOHHHH!!! And guess what else! My dad brought my guitar (pronounced GEE-tar) and I can't play it but it's ok. I'll learn. But I'm so excited. Well, that's about all that happened this weekend, except that EMILY WHITEMAN was all smoked up at the football game! She was laughing at shit that wasn't even close to funny. My god! And she put on my stoner glasses and laughed and laughed and laughed!!! It was wild, and a general good time was had by all.

October 16: Kittanning High School is officially NOT attending the playoffs this year... we lost to Derry 20-14. The game was pretty uneventful, but the bus ride was fun (as usual). We sat with Porterfield and friends this week, and there was definitely never a dull moment. But we're going back to bus 2 next week cause the mean super-boosters and bus driver wouldn't let us sing... What fun is that?? After the game, Jes and I went to Porterfields cause it was his 18th birthday. And I'm not even touching on what happened there.... but I love Iced Tea. I know some of you are really dissappointed, but this is something I can only share with a small number of people. Well, that's about all about Friday... at least it's a three day weekend.

October 23: Well, it appears we judged our football team too soon... they do win once in a while... a long while. Our record now is 4-4. We obviously won on Friday. 27-0. They'd better knock it off, someone may begin to think they're mediocre. Besides winning the football game, my evening was good... except, of course, for the small fact that I couldn't function due to excessive crying. It was Senior Night. I was sad. My friends love me, they bought me flowers. I like flowers. {begin rant} So, we went to the Baldwin Band Show on Saturday night. And I would just like to say that, call me crazy, I think that if chaperones are going to volunteer to take us to a band show, one requirement should be that they are willing to stay for the ENTIRE SHOW! God! Some people's kids! They actually wanted us to leave at 9:30! Before the college bands even performed! What's the point of even going?!? So, at the intermission, we all went down and told Mr. Cavanaugh, and he couldn't believe that they'd do that. He told us to tell them that we shouldn't leave before 10:30. So when we told them, they didn't believe us or something and went down to talk to Cavanaugh. So, I can see that they'd want to get back before midnight so kids with Junior Driver's Licenses can drive home, but, since this band trip is a school function, any of those kids driving home on Junior Driver's Licenses could drive home without getting ticketed or whatever. And also, NO ONE WHO WAS THERE HAD TO DRIVE HOME ON A JUNIOR DRIVER'S LICENSE!!!!!! What a pantload! What's up with this shit? So we left at 10:45, right in the middle of Robert Morris College's version of Jimmy Buffet's "Fins" to make sure we were home by midnight so that everyone's parents (who all are either under 18 years old or turn into pumkins by midnight, I'm sure) could safely drive home. At least this was the reason we were given as we left the band show at 11:00. The real reason, as I found out on the bus, was that Mr. Dickweed Davis didn't WANT to stay any longer. {end rant} So, if anyone can fill me in on who actually WON the band show, I'd greatly appreciate it. Well, that's it for this week.....

October 30: Well, I would just like to start out this week's commentary with a question... Is there anyone out there that doesn't know that the back of bus #2 sings all the time? Now, don't get me wrong, we don't sing retarded songs like The Little Mermaid (offenders shall remain nameless), we sing classics like "Toast," "If I Had A Bulldozer," "Just Friends," and other greats. So, everyone, especially those that have ridden our bus before, knows that we sing alot. WELL! Wouldn't you think that if someone didn't want to be on that kind of bus, they would ride a different one?? So we had a retard on our bus that decided to try to get us to stop singing. Her efforts were obviously in vain. And I can't really go into much more detail in an effort to avoid self incrimination cause I haven't been yelled at..... yet. But the game was mind-numbingly boring. Just to get an idea, we lost 40-0. The team did pretty much NOTHING worth playing for and the band was just kinda like, BLAH! But there was some dill hole from Highlands who was heckling the band and we were yelling shit at him the whole game. Luckily for us, he got us all fired up and we had a great halftime show. How nice to go out of the year with a bang. But there was a downside to the evening. Some dipshit freshman girls decided to spit on Cavanaugh's truck. Just so everyone knows whose fault it was (in case we don't find out on Monday), it was Makenzie Bowser and Kiley Neal. And for about the 16th time since the start of my high school career, Mr. Cavanaugh said he was going to quit. Now, I love the man dearly, but how can we take this seriously when it's happened so many times before... And even if he is serious, I doubt that the School Board would let him quit mid-year. So for all you freshman out there that were so worried last night, relax... Well, I was pretty proud of myself cause I didn't cry at all. I still haven't. Maybe it hasn't hit me yet that I'll never lead the band onto the field again.... Oh well, I guess this day would come sooner or later. So this concludes the weekly installments. I hope I amused some people this marching season. And I fully expect someone to do the same next year so I don't feel like I'm missing out. Thank you, and Goodnight.

November 10: Well, I was wrong! I guess football season wasn't over! The Junior and Senior girls' Powder Puff Football teams faced off against each other on Tuesday night. Just to catch some of you folks up, last year was the first year in Kittanning High School history (I think... it was in a long time at any rate) that the Junior Powder Puffers won the game. It had been a tradition at KHS that the referees cheated for the Seniors.... it was a rigged game. Such things as Fashion and Bad Hair Penalties were commonplace in these games. Last year, however, the Class of 1998 decided that they were fabulous football players and that they could win the game FAIR AND SQUARE. Well, the referees didn't cheat and the Seniors didn't win. This was cause for great celebration in Juniorland. The point is that our attitude towards the game was, "Yeah, we're gonna lose, but it's gonna be fun." This year was obviously different. This year's junior class was by far the bitchiest class so far. Big surprise, right? Well, while witnessing the juniors ripping the senior's signs down and bragging of their inevitable victory all around school, it occurred to me that they seemed awfully sure of themselves for juniors..... I found out why on Tuesday night. Because Mr. Bower had never coached a the Junior team before, he taught them like he used to teach the Senior team.... play dirty, ignore rules. And also, half of the referees were corrupt. In the SHORTEST Powder Puff game in history (courtesy of Mr. McMahon), there were about 20-30 penalties called against the Seniors and a grand total of about 4 called against the Juniors. But in spite of all this against us, justice and good prevailed once more, and we won.... 12-6. And I would also like to say that, contrary to the sign, Sowers does NOT have the "power", but she certainly has the momentum. And, in closing, we here at K-Mart would like to congratulate the Senior Powder Puffers for being the first team to be 2-0.

This has been a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. Had this been a real emergency...

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