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memories of a happy childhood flicker in my mind,
a far and distant longing for the world that's left behind.
of all the thoughts that cloud my head, it's these i hold most dear.
a place where i can get away to times so void of fear.
bright and cloudless summer skies are part that i recall
and grassy paths along the streams that lead to waterfalls
rays of sunlight blink upon the quiet forest floor
concealing in its shadows what has not been seen before.
with the smell of fresh cut grass floating through the air,
some fluttering birds and butterflies attract my glassy stare.
i float above the world, gazing at what i once knew,
but only now can i appreciate the days i spent with you.
a beautiful bit by the river's side of which poets only dream
is now a plot untouched by man where, i guess it seems,
my soul will sail in the wind with scents of flower and pine
where it resides for eternity in the only home of mine.
rebirth
you were my life for years
the things you said to me made me think
that you loved me as much as i loved you.
nothing else mattered -- i was complete.
my heart shattered into a million pieces that night.
we seemed so close, yet you were so cold.
i felt as if some remote part of me died--
and i often wished the rest of me would perish along with it.
then i learned you were a fake, concerned with only one thing.
i had been too blinded by lust to see the motive behind your affection.
your fixation disgusts me and i am angered that i let you leave me vulnerable.
but i did not let you steal my innocence.
stepping away to observe my life from outside,
i laugh as i see you sinking into your pathetic grave.
and i realize that you are the one who has died
because you did not know how to live.
and as my hatred slowly fades,
it leaves only pity in its place.
and i am complete.
what she said that night only started it
and in my mind it made so much sense
i remembered the feeling and rejoiced in it
and our fictitious tension was strangely fulfilling
everything was supposed to be perfect
but then you had to get in the way,
you and your whore princess,
you and your fucking charisma
i always fall for your bullshit
but now i am no longer blind or stupid
i should have known
i was not meant to be happy
it's all over now --
the part of me that once wanted you has been brutally slaughtered
she all but bared her soul to you,
a vulnerable creature in the cold night,
only for you to twist your weapon in her wounds
but i know that even in death she has won --
because i won't make this mistake twice
Why? ~ We get up every morning ~ We shower or bathe and prepare for the day ~ We attend school or work ~ We come home in the evenings ~ On the weekends we sleep in ~ Go out at night ~ In our never ending quest for happiness ~ Our ever-elusive happieness ~ We spend our faith in religion ~ Hoping for eternal rewards ~ But did god really create man? ~ Or did man create god? ~ In his attempt to fulfill his need for total explanation of the inexplicable ~ We often forget our ties to the world ~ We rarely overcome the division within ourselves ~ Let alone our earth ~ We search incessantly for love ~ Acceptance and Conformity seem necessities ~ We are never satisfied with ourselves ~ We stand on the edge of the vast expanse of the ocean of happiness ~ As the tides ebb and flow ~ But we cannot carry ourselves into joy ~ So we turn to our drugs ~ Or we visit our doctors ~ And we exist in our psuedo-lives ~ And eventually the time comes around again ~ When sleep is necessary ~ And we dream of sucess in our great quest ~ Our quest for happiness ~ Our ever-elusive happiness ~ Only in dreams can we be complete ~ Only in dreams can we float for eternity in the sea ~ Only in dreams... ~ But why?
I arose from my sleep as the sunlight danced across my face, and I smiled as I realized where I was. The peaceful tranquility of the house overcame me as I fairly floated downstairs to the homey, red country kitchen. Shoving the heavy sliding glass door aside, I took in the view. The dew covered grass glistened in the late morning light and the scent of the honeysuckle blossoms surrounded me. Birds sang and flew past me while I walked down the gently sloping yard, through the huge pine trees, to the edge of the cliff. The river sparkled and smiled at me as I sat on the familiar rock; my nose and lungs revelled in the presence of the sweet air. Eventually, music floated along the soft, warm breeze, and I began to hear the happy voices on the deck. The rest of the house had finally awoken and
come to share and enjoy with me the world we had created. I picked myself up from the cold stone and glanced toward the apprehensive river. She winked and knew I'd soon return. I whirled around and the dried leaves crunched a soft goodbye underfoot as I half-jogged, half-skipped up the hill to join the group.
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