Ok, my friends... I know a lot of you have heard about this one Tuesday at Jared's, but I'm now officially publicizing the quotes and stuff from the evening. Most, if not all, of this page is brought to us by Miss Keenan Adams, who was our court stenographer for the evening. So, for those of you who were there, read, enjoy, and reminisce... And for those of you who weren't, read, enjoy, and wish you had been there!
"I walk on 2 giant toenails." -- Mike Miller
"That guy plays a mean banjo." -- anonymous
"Wow! That's the most transparent goat I've ever seen!" -- Mike
"Jesus drove a 30 ft. salad." -- Mike
"I was just riding a camel down the stairs." -- Porterfield's Grandma
"I'm gonna spit on my dog for the next 20 minutes, so don't touch it." -- Jared
"Nothing's better than a girl with a beard!!!" -- Todd
"Yeah, he's feeling it. The dog's been humping his leg for the past four minutes or so!" -- Reefer
"What the fuck is Fizz City??" -- Todd
"You're like something out of Super Mario Brothers!" -- Todd
"I've had more descriptions than Carter has liver pills." -- Todd
"Could someone please get me a nest... SNACK!! PLEASE!" -- Todd
"I'm defrosting something NOW!" -- Todd
"I need freezer stuff!" -- Todd
"It Pizza Eatza!" -- Todd
*** A happy event will take place shortly in your home." -- The Fortune Cookie (Editorial Note: This cookie was opened on a happy night and was found in the morning, plastered to the kitchen table and no longer legible)***
"Shh! Don't tell anybody!" -- Todd carrying the buns while tripping
"These buns are MOLDY!!!!!!!" -- Todd
"Eat it! Eat it! More DRUGS! MORE DRUGS!" -- Todd
"The little kid you don't know." -- Todd
"That's my GRANDMA, ASSHOLE!" -- Jared
"We need ridiculously 80's!" -- Todd
"It's not quotes like Miller goats." -- Reefer
"Fetal Quaaludes!!!" -- Reefer
"This is beyond tripping, this is beyond ridiculating. TURN THAT SHIT OFF!" -- Mike
"Fuck you forever in this song!" -- Reefer
"AHHH! YOU GOT AN ENEMA!!!" -- Todd
"Welcome to the Anus!" -- Reefer
"Yeah! James Earl Jones just called." -- Todd
"You be stoned!" -- Todd
RULE #25: NO vitamins unless tripping.
"Dude, do you realize we're watching an electric worm in the sky, gently gliding on a wave of...... skyyyyy." -- Mike
"The ocean has broken..." -- Todd
"I'm surfing dude! Hell-ya!" -- Mike
"Dude, pull your shirt off of the back of your pants, you look like Quazimot... dude, you're freakin' me out!" -- Mike
"Is she a buttercup?!" -- Todd
"You weigh more than me..." -- Todd
"Why am I on Interstate 99?" -- Jes
"Because you love to 69!!!" -- Todd
"Does anyone wanna go swimming with me in the living room??? It's a pool!!" --Todd
"I turned all the chickens right on into monkeys!" -- Reefer
"ARE YOU SMOKIN' COCK???" -- Jared
"Dunh, Dungh... OOOH! Bleeeeding!" -- Reefer
"Dude, look at all the cactuses!" -- Reefer
"Cactuses?! Where are the cactu..OH! There they are! There's on G R O W I N G! Look at it g r o o o w!" -- Todd
"Did you just speak a SWEEDISH WORD?" -- Mike
"No, no it was Noooo babushka.. It was a freakin' cloth,... a piece of cloth!" -- Mike
"Dude, if this gets out into my political career..." -- Todd
"Look at the beans...Look at all the beans growing all around us..." -- Todd
"TURN THIS BITCH OFF!!" -- Todd
"I'm taking a seat in the back drive." -- Todd
"The dogs are toking?" -- Todd
"If you're happy & you know it shout Amen! AMEN!" -- Todd
"I feel like a whisp, beating the cheese and eggs all around." -- Todd
"Do I have homework? I think I have Bio. I am worried now..." -- Todd
"Dude, I just realized something.... The earth is spinning, and my contacts are still in.... wow." -- Todd
"I wanna hump this grill." -- Todd
"Is that a magic wand you're holding?" -- Todd
"I'm never going to college! Everyone is going to hold this against me!" -- Todd
"The ceiling was beating." -- Todd
"There are so many issues here." -- Todd
"JUST GIVE ME SOPHIA!!! Somebody took SOPHIA!!!" -- Todd
(Running with his warrior cape and light saber out to the patio)
"I'm coming Montinegrams!!"
(Comes back in, very depressed)
"I lost!" -- Todd
"Dude, we're busted... We're on Candid Camera!" -- Mike
"BORRIS BRADLEY!!!" -- Todd
AMY SAID TURKEY!
"Those X's trying to be stars." -- Reefer
"He looks like RuPaul without a wig, dancin' around to that 80's jazz shit!" -- Mike, about Todd
"It's so loud outside, and it's so quiet in here!" -- me
"STOP IT! STOP IT!!" -- Todd, slapping himself
"Grandma's riding Moses!" -- Todd
crazy bastards have become obsessed with salt shakers and mailbox flags.
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