Darren Michael Neal

THE CRIME

Crimes of Lazyness; Attempted Humour

Darren Michael Neal is being sought in connection with the March 1996 creation of a dodgy homepage, and February 1998 poor jokes complaint. He is also wanted for not returning E-mail or letters, being lazy and leaving coursework and preparation until the very last minute. Forces people to listen to unfunny anecdotes and jokes.

REWARD

The World At Large is offering up to $50,000,000 for information leading to the apprehension of Neal.

REMARKS

Alias: Tooms, Darren Neal (True name), Toomsy, Muppet, Fuzz, Fozzy Bear, Otis, and others.

Darren Neal, a master of dressing up but not at accents, specializes in the creation of second rate web pages, telling bad jokes and talking too much. He is drawn instantly to cameras and loves having his photograph taken with women. He is reportedly allergic to seriousness, work and pain. Loves dogs, cats, rabbits but not mice (as they smell). He has an unhealthy fascination with un-real characters, loves Lara Croft and Jessica Rabbit and believes that if he meets Chun-Li, she will definately fall for him. He tries to be a flashy dresser, owns lots of soft toys, beanie babies, and a cool computer. He is also a lousy tipper.

Scars or marks: Has a small scar on forehead and right hand.

Occupations: Law student, nanny, mediocre web page creator, wannabe James Bond.

Nationality: British

Place of birth: Sutton-in-Ashfield, Nottinghamshire