More men jokes

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Index

***If men no longer ruled the world***

A man would no longer be considered a "good catch" simply because he is breathing.

Medical research would be spent on developing new birth control methods for men.

Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams.

Baby-sitting, doing dishes and making beds would be considered "Macho".

The hem of men's pants would go up or down depending on the economy.

Minnie Mouse would get equal billing with Mickey.

Fewer women would be dating because the ideal weight standard would increase by 40 pounds.

Overweight men would be encouraged to wear girdles.

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***Come back on pick up lines***

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and mine will be too if you sit down."

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Stop sign."

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you--to leave."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "Hey baby! That dress looks gorgeous on you! But, it would look even better laying on my bedroom floor."
Woman: "You're right, but the only way it'll get there is if you buy another one just like it and throw it there yourself!"

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one a*shole in there."

After hearing a pick-up line:
Woman: "I like your approach, now let's see your departure."

Older man: "Where have you been all my life?"
Woman: "For the first half of it, I probably wasn't born yet."

Man: "What do I have to give you for one little kiss?"
Woman: "Chloroform"

Man: "Wanna dance?"
Woman: "Lifes too short to dance with ugly guys."

(after being pestered by a guy who just won't take a hint...)
Woman: "Listen, unless you're a hemmoroid, get off my ass!"

(after being crudely hinted at to give a guy a "blow-job") Look him dead in the eye, scan down, back up to his face, smirk and say;
Woman: "Sorry, I choke on small bones."

Woman: "I wouldn't sleep with you if your were the last man on earth and I had run out of batteries."

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Reasons why Santa can’t possibly be a man:

- Men can’t pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened... having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don’t answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.
- Having to do the Ho Ho Ho thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

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WELL......I hope you liked them. They will always be changing. If you have any more to send to me go right ahead.

kimh69@hotmail.com

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