Underwear Boy Speaks Out taken from the January 1998 issue of Super Hero Monthly Magazine

Underwear Boy is one of the world's most obscure super heroes to date. No one is really sure where he came from, or what he's doing here. He has shown up every once in a while at parties, college dormitories, and even made a couple guest appearance in student film productions. Who is he? Where does he come from? What does he want? Well, Eric Sturm got a chance to ask him in this rare interview oppertunity. He found out the answers to these and many other questions everyone has been dying to know.

ES: O.K., Underwear Boy, where exactly do you come from?

UB: Well, Eric, my home is actually in a town close to Chicago called Aurora.

ES: You mean Aurora, Illinois? As in USA? Planet Earth? Wayne's World?

UB: Well yes. You see, I'm not one of those alien super heroes like Superman, or the Sliver Surfer. I'm just one of those home town boys kind of like Batman or the Phantom. No alien super powers for me.

ES: So do you have any super powers at all?

UB: Er, well, not really.

ES: So what exactly do you do? Do you fight crime?

UB: Well, sometimes, but not really. I usually just make guest appearances at parties and in films. Sort of like a celebrity. I travel around the world stopping at happening places and usually being the life of the party. People are always glad to see me.

ES: So what kind of crime do you fight?

UB: Well, usually just party crashers. Like at this one party in Missurri. It was on this guy's grandparent's farm about an hour south of St. Louis. Everything was going great. The band was playing, the rain had stopped, the fireworks were going off, and everyone was drunk! So this hick from up the road had brought his entire collection of CDs. Why? Who knows. But anyway, he got drunk too and missplaced them. So he decided to get his shotgun and threaten all the kids untill he got his CDs. Well, good thing I was there! Old Underwear Boy gave him what for and the poor bastard went cryin home to mom/sister.

ES: Excitement!

UB: Yeah. But that's only on very rare occasions.

ES: So then what really makes you a super hero?

UB: Well, I wear these green tights, a mask, and I have this neat cape. That's really all you need to be a super hero. You see, all these other guys, like Spider Man and the X- Men are the crime fighting types that people usually think of when they hear the term "super hero." But the rest of us, like Mole Boy, the Buck Boy, (Protecter of Stag beer) and myself kind of get left out of the limelight. Sure, those other guys fight crime saving civilians from the forces of evil and destruction, but 9 times out of 10 I could beat any of them in a beer chugging contest at a party!

ES: So you're more of a party super hero?

UB: Exactly!

ES: Well you must be pretty popular with the ladies then, seeing as how you hit all these parties. Wouldn't your girlfriend be jealous?

UB: Well Eric, funny you should mention that. Underwear Boy doesn't really have a girlfriend, per say. Sure, I have my women, as any proper super hero should have! But no one to really settle down with. That would be up to my secret identity. He's currently having bit of a dry spell, though. Poor guy.

ES: Really? You haven't mentioned him until now. And who exactly is your secret identity?

UB: Well, every super hero has a secret identity. Unfortunately if I told you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore would it? (laughs)

ES: (laughing also) Well, Underwear Boy, I guess you do have a point there. But is there anything you could tell us that would maybe give us a clue?

UB: Yeah, I guess I could. I'm currently posing as a loser college student somewhere in the city of St. Louis. I tried to dig myself into the loser scene as deep as I could to avoid recognition as the infamous Underwear Boy.

ES: Hmm, I was just curious, there have been a lot of rumors about your relationship with Jim Griffith? People say that you are very good friends with him, but no one ever sees you two together?

UB: Er, uh, well, uh, yeah. I guess that is unfortunate. Jim is a very good friend of mine. I met him at one of those loser college parties that I happened to be visiting, and we just bonded. It turns out that the two of us have a lot in common. We both have the same interests in music, women, and opinions about life. You could say that the two of us are inseparable. unfortunately, he's very shy and doesn't like to come out of his dorm very often. Usually he just sit's in his room watching Star Trek.

ES: Uh huh, sure. So anyway, this is one question that I have always wondered, what's with the underwear?

UB: Well, every super hero needs a niche. Spiderman has his spider powers and web shooters, Batman has his bats and toys, Buck Boy has his Stag beer, and I have my underwear.

ES: Yes, I understand the reason for having a niche, but why underwear? I mean surely you had other options.

UB: Yes, that is true. When I decided to become a super hero it took me a while to come up with a final concept. Sure, I had other ideas about what my super hero name would be, but there were usually problems with all of them. I thought about being Spaghetti Hair Boy and wearing a wig made out of cooked spaghetti, but face it, birds would start to eat my hair. Who wants their arch-nemesis to be a flock of birds pecking out your head every time you step out of the house? Then there was Swinger Man, which was just me in a swingin' suit hanging out at dance clubs, but where's the mystery in that? Besides, I don't really like techno music. I had other ideas, but they all had problems too. So I finally got this idea to wear the traditional super hero tights, and wear the underwear on the OUTSIDE instead of the inside! I compared it with every other idea I had had and figured what the hell. When I finally got my suit ready I realized that there were parts of my physical body that I was not really happy with. The tights made my, er, "physique", sort of flat, and non-existent. So I decided to stuff my pants with more underwear, and walla! The girls know it's fake, but they humor me anyway. They know it's just for show.

ES: And what about the rest of your body? I don't mean to be rude, but you're not exactly buff super hero material.

UB: Yeah, I know. I'm kind of working on that. I try to do sit ups every day to get rid of my beer gut, but the parties are more often than my exercise, so the gut is winning. But that's what makes me who I am. I wouldn't be Underwear Boy without it. Besides, like I said, I don't really need any muscles for fighting crime or anything like that. Plus it would ruin my secret identity.

ES: (laughing) Yes, I guess that is true. So tell me, why did you want to become a super hero in the first place?

UB: Well, I saw how popular the other super heroes were with all their fans and I wanted what they had. Before I became Underwear Boy I was pretty much the same loser my secret identity is now. But now that I'm a super hero people recognize me when I walk into a room. It's really a rush.

ES: So what do you have to say to all those other super hero hopefuls out there?

UB: Not everybody can become a super hero. It really takes a special talent, not to mention access to a really neat costume. If you have that and an extreme desire, there is nothing that can stop you!