One day Jesus and Moses are sitting in a boat talking. They get to talking
about the old days and they decide to test their own powers.  Moses goes
first. He stands up in the boat and spreads his arms and the water parts
around them and before they know it they're sitting on the bottom of the
lake. He lowers his arms and the water returns to normal.

It's Jesus' turn now. He stands up and is about to step onto the water,
but when he tries he sinks right to the bottom. When he finally crawls back in the boat, Moses asks him what happened.
Jesus replies, "I forgot about these damn holes in my feet."

      **************************************************************

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the
religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in
communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.
However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a
beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas
the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was
getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the
day.  So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards
heaven and asked:
"Oh God, I honour you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and
confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in
you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I
go poor and suffer many an indignity. Why is this?"
And a great voice was heard from above:
"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BUG ME ALL THE TIME!"

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