Casey and Sam-isms!
Sharing our words of wisdom with the world.

"I cleaned my saxophone yesterday. I Pledged the whole damn thing."
-Sam finds a spot on her sax and begins to feel frustrated.

"Ooo, I am mystified! I'm gonna bring it over to the table and poke at it."
-Casey's first experience with a gel candle.

SAM: "Whatcha wanna do?"
CASEY: "Wanna secretly negotiate a planned armageddon?"
SAM: "Nah, maybe tomorrow."

"When I don't see Titanic for a long time, I call it 'Severe Titanic Deficiency.' I used to call it STD, but it took me a few days to realize that that stood for Sexually Transmitted Disease."
-Casey makes a revelation.

"Why pay so much for food, when it's just gonna end up in the toilet anyway?"
-Sam on the importance of fine dining.

"Shut up! All of you just SHUT UP!"
-Casey as she pounds her head, trying to make people think she's insane.

"Make one move, and you will feel the wrath of my butt."
-Sam said this right before her brother tried to go up the stairs when she was in front of him, and she smashed his head between the wall and her butt.

CASEY: "My dreams are either scary or stupid. Last night I dreamt that Kate Winslet asked me to put sun block on her back for her."
SAM: "I think that would qualify as stupid."

"They're all green, too. Damn those pixies."
-Sam trying to match colors for her "About Me" page.

CASEY: "Isn't this the way life should be, Sam? Not going to school at all."
SAM: "Yeah. We should be born knowing everything. All we'd have to do is grow up."
-Casey and Sam on summer vacation.

CASEY: "What thrill could you get out of playing catch in the burning sun?"
SAM: "They're just simpletons."
CASEY: "Yeah, they must lead simple lives. But they're the perfect example of good-hearted, funloving, lively American kids."
SAM: "Yeah, and we're the perfect example of Generation X."

CASEY: "There's my page; happy and cheerful. Then your page is kinda..."
SAM: "Yeah, I know, it's Daria."
CASEY: "No, it's just kinda dark and...planty."

CASEY: "Aww, look at the crow. What a cutie pie. Hi Mr. Crow!"
SAM: "What is he eating? A leaf? Yeah, he's eating a leaf."
CASEY: "Stupid crow."

CASEY: "Hey Sam. You see how these chains are connected to the swing right here?"
SAM: "Uh huh."
CASEY: "Do you realize that if we swung up and they broke, we would probably die?"
SAM: "Your point?"
CASEY: "Doesn't it make you uneasy to think that we're entrusting our lives with these rusty chains?"
-Casey puts everything in perspective.

"If I say anything really weird, just ignore it. It's the hunger talking."
-Sam right before dinner.

"Ya know, I really miss passing you in the hallway and telling you how much you smell."
-Casey remembers an inside joke that her and Sam had during school. Don't ask.

"Getting together with you reminds me of baby sitting."
-Casey reacts when Sam shoves Beanie Babies in her face.

TV Preview: "It's 1998..."
SAM: "No CRAP!"

SAM: "Can I call you if my parents die and I'm in trouble?"
CASEY: "No."
SAM: "Well, what if hundreds of Nazis are parading down your street? Can I call you and warn you?"
CASEY: "Um...I guess so. If it's for my well being, I guess you can call, but if it's about you or your parents dying don't bother."
-Casey and Sam discuss the terms of calling Casey during Melrose Place.

CASEY'S MOM (Shopping for shirts): "Do you see any tops?"
CASEY (Pointing to some dresses): "Here's some, but they have bottoms attached to 'em."

CASEY: "So was there a body attached to the finger?"
SAM: "No, just a seven foot long finger coming outta the drain."
CASEY: "That's bad."
-A discussion on "The Moving Finger", a short story by Stephen King.

"Trying to open one of these things is like condemning yourself to a damnation worse than hell."
-Sam trying to open a six year old Jolly Rancher.

CASEY: "Boy, it sure has gotten darker since we came out here."
SAM: "It tends to do that at nighttime."

SAM AND CASEY'S BIOLOGY TEACHER: "So what happens when you never go to the bathroom?"
SAM: "Wet pants."

CASEY: "School does weird things to me. I feel like if I sit still too long, I'll fall into a coma."
-Casey talking about how exiting school is.

SAM: "Get my sock."
CASEY: "No."
SAM: "Why the HELL not?!"
CASEY: "Because I'm a little bitch."
SAM: "GET MY SOCK, DAMMIT!!!"
-When we get bored, we start fighting over stupid things.

"Sit me at a table with something I can destroy long enough and I WILL destroy it."
-Sam waiting for dinner and knotting up her napkin.

"I hurt my neck doing sommersults across my living room floor."
-Casey sometimes hurts herself when she gets hyper.

(Noise in kitchen)
CASEY'S MOM: "What was that?"
CASEY: "Approaching death."

"That room is ugly!!! It looks like a giant pink buffalo shnikeyd all over it."
-Sam commenting on a pink room on a decorating show.

"Vulgarity is a feeble mind trying to express itself in a forceful way."
-Thinks Sam as she reads the bathroom stall door in high school.

"I'm not feeling very nice about your dad right now, man."
-Sam comments as they wait in line to use the pay phone at the movie theater because her dad left and "Waterboy" was sold out.

"Life is good."
-Comments Casey as she sits in a big, comfy chair drinking hot chocolate on a day when she should be in school all stressed out, but isn't because it's a snow day.

"Life sucks."
-Sam, as she shovels her snow-covered driveway at the same moment.

"We meet again, Mr. Light Switch."
-Casey, as she turns off a light

"Awww!!! Your owl was a pyromaniac!"
-Sam looking through Casey's owl pellet finding a twig that looked like a match.

~~In Biology~~
SOME KID: "So what you're saying is, is that we can get diabetes from stress?"
MR.MODELL: "Sometimes, yes."
SAM: "Oh boy. Looks like we'll all have Diabetes, then!"

"I was feeling really good this morning. Then I was walking up the stairs and looked up to say hi to Sarah, and I tripped and fell down on the last stair. It was like fate was smacking me upside my head and saying, 'Hey! Quit feeling so good!'"
-Casey, as she comments on how something always has to bring her down a little if she gets too happy.

"Find any boobs yet?"
-Sam asking Casey while she looked for the coconut snack cakes which they nicknamed "fake boob cakes" because of their squishy consistency.

CASEY: "Cheeeeeeeeez Whiiiiiiiiiiiz!"
SAM: "Man, it's not nice to stick Cheez Whiz in your guest's face!"
-Sam reacts when Casey teases her about hating cheese.

CASEY: "I made myself some hot chocolate. It made my throat feel better."
CASEY'S MOM: "It made your foot feel better?!"
CASEY: "My THROAT."
CASEY'S MOM: "Oh."
CASEY: "Well, it made my feet feel good too. You know how it is, wink wink."
CASEY'S MOM: (sarcastically) "Oh yeah, I know how it is, wink wink."

"I heard her say she's getting off the phone now.....I think she called us assholes."
-Casey tells Sam. They were waiting to use the phone, and this one girl they call "Phone Bitch" was on it, and stays on it all period long, and they can never use it. They thought she called them assholes because they were lingering around the phone acting like moronic freaks waiting for her to get off.

~~In Home Ec.~~
CASEY (to Kate): "Go to hell."
KATE: "Been there and back. It's not the greatest place in the world."
CASEY: "Really? I actually thought it was pretty cool."
KATE: "Things have changed."
SAM: "Where?"
CASEY AND KATE: "Hell."
SAM: "Oh! I went there a few centuries ago! Ya know Satan? He was soooo hot."

SAM: "Yeah, if I could write the X-Files...oh baby. Mulder and Scully would get jiggy wit' it, like, every episode."
CASEY: "No, you'd be the one gettin' jiggy wit' it with Mulder, right?"
SAM: "Yeah, you're right. Oh yeah! Yeah baby yeah."
CASEY: "That'd be all the episode would be about. Scully would get fired and be living in a box and you wouldn't care."

WHEN CASEY GETS BORED:
CASEY: "Hey man, ya wanna..."
(5 minutes later)
SAM: "Ya gonna finish your sentence?"
CASEY: "Nope."
(10 minutes later, Casey is hanging upside down on a chair)
CASEY: "It's hard to breathe like this."
SAM: "Maybe you should come down."
(CRASH!)
SAM: "Uh, man, you OK?"
CASEY: "Yeah."

"I bring new meaning to the phrase collect them all."
-Casey comments on how she always has to buy the WHOLE set of anything.

"You zap the romance outta everything you come within 10 feet of."
-Casey tells Sam as Sam retardedly sings to a pretty song.

"Fifteen hundred people went into the sea when the Tuggsy Tug sank from under us."
-Narrates Casey, as she and Sam recreate the Titanic with a plastic ship at the Country Club pool.

SAM (reading an interview): "What does Sarah McLachlan say about critics of the Lilith Fair?"
CASEY: "She says bite me, asshole!"

"Just callin' to see if you were alive."
-Casey tells Sam when she heard there was a fire on Sam's street

SAM: "Look, it's a silver maple."
CASEY: "No."
SAM: "Yes."
CASEY: "Where?"
SAM: "There."

(Finding new constelations)
SAM: "Hey look, it's my dad!"
CASEY: "No, it's a Melrose logo you dumb ass."
SAM: "It's my dad you witch!"

"Fudgenastica!"
-Sam exclaims in frustration

"I wanna eat your hair clips. They look like caramel."
-Sam tells Casey

SAM: "Ching."
CASEY: "Chang."
SAM: "Chong."

"Make one wrong move and I get a finger in my eye!"
-Casey angrily comments when she turned and Sam was about to poke her face

CASEY: "I don't approve of my hair today."
SAM: "Well I don't approve of you living."
CASEY: "Touché."

"Put your midriff away."
-Sam orders Casey as she stretches and her midriff shows

(Mr. Lineman passes out Hersheys Kisses to everyone)
MR. LINEMAN: "I could've said something but I'm not going to. But I was gonna say, 'Can I give you a kiss.'"
CASEY: "You could get sued for that these days!"

"Leave me alone you ungrateful beast!"
-Sam spreads her Christmas cheer to beloved classmate Jason

MRS. MESSER: "What would you do if a car crosses the center line?"
SAM: "Swerve to the right. And hit the mailbox."

JASON: "We're gonna make a CD and give it to Mr. Lineman."
SAM: "Yeah, Mr. Lineman'll... make it into... something."
CASEY: "That's tellin' him man!!!"

SAM: "IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A BIRD! IT'S A BIRD!"
CASEY: "Man, stop trying to create mass hysteria."

CASEY: "I'm gonna sell 30 things and get that hands free phone. It's cool."
SAM: "How you gonna do that?"
CASEY: "I dunno. I probably won't."

SAM: "Don't pollute my garbage."

CASEY: "I like doing charity, it makes me feel happy."
SAM: "Whatever Satan."

CASEY: "Our bagel systems seem to match up."
-She comments on how they always have bagels in the morning.

CASEY: "If you wanna keep your limbs, don't put them near Sam's mouth."

CASEY: "Did you ever see the one with that guy who put spaghetti in his mouth and pulled it out through his nose?"
KATE: "EWWWWW!!!!!"
SAM: "How 'bout the one where the kids penis fell off?!"
(Casey and Kate stare blankly)

SAM: "BUTT CRACK."
CASEY: "What is your problem?"
SAM: "I don't know, but I have a big one."
CASEY: "Butt crack?"
SAM: "NOO!!! Problem!"

CASEY: "I have to go to my thyroid doctor today."
TOM: "What's a thyroid?"
SAM: "It's something only girls have."
CASEY: "It is not. Shut up."

CASEY: "If hell had mud instead of fire, our school would literally be hell."

SAM: "I have the biggest hitlist."
CASEY, COLLEEN, AND GRAYSON: "WHAT!?!?!?!"
-Sam slurs her words and makes that sentence sound bad.

CASEY: "One who cannot help herself cannot be expected to help others."

MR. LINEMAN: "How many valence electrons does Sulfur have?"
SAM: "Four. Five. Six. SIX!!!"

(Discussing the color of Casey's bracelet.)
CASEY: "It's like sea foam green."
SAM: "No, it's like dirty ocean."
CASEY: "Yeah, like medical waste in the ocean."
SAM: "You're medical waste that's NOT floating in the ocean!"
CASEY: "I wish I was medical waste that WAS floating in the ocean."

SAM: "Ding dong."
CASEY: "The witch is dead."
SAM: "Which old witch."
CASEY: "The wicked witch."
SAM: "Just checkin'."

(Walking in "The Airport")
CASEY: "Perhaps we shouldn't be back here."
SAM: "Perhaps."

CASEY: "Listening to anarchist's music, reading porn. We are quiet the rebels today."

SAM: "Close the door there, buddy."
CASEY: "Sure thing, pal."
(Door closes)
SAM: "Dick."
CASEY: "Whore."

CASEY'S MOM: "I was getting really impatient at work the other day, and I was thinking, yep, impatient gophers... and I was like 'Yeah, this is bad.'"
-She comments on how we have infected her brain.

CASEY: "Look at it!"
SAM: "What?"
CASEY: "It's... strange!"
SAM: "How is that strange?"
CASEY: "Oh nevermind. You don't appreciate the funniness of weird peanuts."

CASEY: "We should not be set loose with money."

CASEY: "We said we were gonna buy drinks, but we come back with a whole buffet table."

SAM: "Ooooo, let's get ice cream!"
CASEY: "NO! I've already eaten too much today!"
SAM: "Oh c'mon! C'mon!"
CASEY: "NO NO NO!"
SAM: "Oh fine."
CASEY: "Good... Ooo, they have praline pecan!"
SAM: "No man."
CASEY: "No, let's get some ice cream!"
SAM: "No."

(Listening to "It's Gonna Be Me" by N'Sync)
CASEY: "So, sweet song?"
SAM: "I don't wanna listen to it again because I might start liking it."
-Sam fears she will turn into a prep... AAAAAAA!

"DHTML is unbelievable. The smallest thing that you wouldn't think would make any difference can f*ck your whole page up so bad."
-Casey thinks to herself, frustrated

"Man... why don't you let me do it... because you're obviously f*cked up..."
-Sam tells a freaking out Casey

SAM: "Why don't we walk with the flow of people instead of going that way and getting raped in the dark parking lot."
CASEY: "You're the expert."
SAM: "F*ck you, okay?"
-Casey and Sam remember an inside joke from Myrtle (strange, we seem to be getting more and more vulgar...)

"Wouldn't it suck to be a guy and have a girl's name? Like Jamie or Kelley or Steve..."
-Sam comments at a baseball game

"Sometimes I just get the urge to scare people. Like that 6 year old little blonde boy over there. I just wanna grab him and put him in a headlock, just to scare the crap outta him."
-Casey comments at the same game

CASEY: "Have some more fries."
SAM: "I'm full."
CASEY: "That's no reason to stop eating."

CASEY: "Would you like a mint? Perhaps some Binaca?"
SAM: "Can I have a mint in my Binaca?"
CASEY: "No."
SAM: "Okay, I'll just take a mint then."
CASEY: "Good, 'cause we ain't got no Binaca."

SAM: "Ow, heart attack."

CASEY: "I'm not the smartest knife in the drawer."
SAM: "Don't you mean the sharpest knife?"
CASEY: "Like I said, I'm not the smartest knife in the drawer."

(Messing around with friend Josh)
SAM: "He's raping me."
CASEY: "You must just send off that vibe."
SAM: "Fffff..." (She realizes she can't swear because adults are around)

"You've never seen so much ass f*cking in your life."
-Sam tells a story about gay guys and a two-legged brain-eating horny german sheperd named Bobo

"And that's what happened to the Care Bears."
-Casey concludes the tale about Bobo and the gay guys as she hears her dad come outside

"WHAT??? RUFFEES??? IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID TO PUT IN HER DRINK???"
-Sam screams

JUSTIN: "And the moral of the story... don't EVER poke at dogs you think are dead."
-If you only knew the bloodbath that occured because the gay guys poked at Bobo...

NEWS REPORTER: "It's never too late to improve your health."
CASEY: "It is when you're dead."

"Someday your carpet'll look like mine. Unless you take care of it. In which case it won't."
-Sam comments on the new carpet in Casey's house

SAM: "Who's this?"
CASEY: "It's my husband."
-They discuss a smiley face sticker on Casey's computer

"So Pineapple was mad because Susanna Walcott wasn't there to feed him pineapples anymore."
-An exerpt from another one of Sam's stories

CASEY: "I'M SORRY I DIDN'T BUILD A STRONGER SHIP, YOUNG ROSE!"
SAM: "THAT'S OKAY, I LIKE TO SWIM!!!"
~We scream on different floors of the house after Titanic

"Someone's gonna die... and it's gonna be me..."
-Casey says in a hushed tone after she discovers she left peanut shavings all over her mom's new furniture

MR. CRACK: "There's a lot of haystacks."
SAM: "Hay is your mom."
CASEY: "What? Did you just say he's my mom? Mr. Crack?!"
SAM: "HAY is your mom."
SUSAN: "Hey, why do you hate my mom?"

BRANDI: "But I just said something nice about you!"
SAM: "You said 'bags.'"

SAM (being Mr. Crack): "I'm so mad at you guys, I don't teach you and you get them all wrong."

CASEY: "I can't believe that's a woman."
SAM: "That's not a woman, that's my mom."

MR. CRACK: "Powell, cut it out."
-He tells Sam as she sits silently

BRANDI: "She's like a nice little dog."
SAM: "I love the compliments I receive."
BRANDI: "Would you rather be a cat?"
SAM: "Uhhh..."
BRANDI: "How about a small farm animal?"

SUSAN: "I got a 3.5."
BRANDI: (Cough cough) "Suckinghisdick!"
CASEY: "You got a better grade than she did, Brandi."

SAM: "I'm hungry, how 'bout you?"
-Sam says after downing three bags of popcorn.

CASEY: "Man, look at this! The bitrate is 8!"
SAM: "WHOA. Surely you have this person on your hotlist, right?"
CASEY: "Um, no."

CASEY: "Do you wanna know why I like to do this?"
SAM: "NO."
CASEY: "Okay."

SAM: "Oh boy, time to crack open the champagne bottles."
CASEY: "Yeah, if we had champagne and we liked to drink it, now would be the time."
-After they finish the new layout of the main page

CASEY: "Dare ya to bring that things to school and carry your pencils in it."
SAM: "Okay. Give me 5 dollars and I will."
CASEY: "No."
SAM: "I'd do it for free, I just don't wanna get it dirty."
CASEY: "Yeah, I guess I would too."

SAM: "Ooo, I would just love to Matrix you right now."

SAM: "Excuse me Mr. Shoulder. Do you know the direction to happiness?"
-She says with her head on Casey's shoulder

CASEY: "I can't believe that's a woman."
SAM: "That's not a woman, that's my mom."
-They say in regards to this

SAM: "Care to share the love?"
KAYLA: "What love?"
SAM: "Gum love?"

SAM: "Now you have to get a red cell phone."
KAYLA: "Oh yeah, I'll definately get a red cell phone. I'll be like, 'hey, look at my red cell phone.'"

SAM: "Maybe it's a secret admirer!!!"
CASEY: "It would more likely be a transcript of the missing 18 minutes of the Watergate tapes."
-Sam finds a piece of paper on her desk and thinks someone likes her

(People around Casey and Sam start getting up and moving)
SAM: "I don't understand."
(Sam begins to get up)
CASEY: "Where are you going?"
SAM: "I don't know."
CASEY: "Well if you don't understand, don't move."
SAM: "That's a good idea."
CASEY: "That's my philosophy on life. If you don't understand, don't move."

SAM: "Hi Chad!... How's it goin' Chad?... We love eachother. If you see anything... (explosion noise)"
-Sam hugs Kayla while babbling

SAM: "It's just metal. Copper, if you will."
-Sam finds wire on the floor and Casey inquires

SAM: "You smell like my grandma."
CASEY: "Get off me!"
SAM: "GRANDMAAAA!!!"
CASEY: "Gross!!! Get off!!!"

SAM: "Guess where I found these pants?"
KAYLA: "Your mom's closet?"
SAM: (laughs) "Close!"

CASEY: "I'd download it, but gee, I don't have the computer back yet."
SAM: "I can e-mail it to you."
CASEY: "Man... I don't have the computer back yet."

SAM: "You are wise my son."
CASEY: "Stop calling me son."
SAM: "You are wise my son."

CASEY: "Something's happening. What are we doing?"
SAM: "I dunno, but I hear people rustling."

CASEY: "Wow man, we have a lot of the same nail polishes."
SAM: *in a snippish tone* "Those are yours and mine put together, man."
CASEY: "I'm sorry."
(5 minutes later)
CASEY: "How in Gods name was I ever supposed to remember that."

CASEY: "Alright, that's it. If you just would've sat there peacefully, I would've let you remain."
- Sam starts knawing on Casey's shoulder after being pushed up against her because the car turned a sharp corner.

(In the theater)
SAM: "Oh yeah, it's probably some weird African name that no one's ever heard of."
(The screen shows the name "Jennifer Aniston")

CASEY: "Sorry... wasn't watching you... shoulda been..."
- Casey critisizes Sam for putting her sheet on the wrong way and Sam gets mad

More Isms!