Chapter Three - Incense and Peppermints

"I feel silly. Miss Edith's laughing." Dru pouted, kicking her heels as she sat on their bed.

"You're beautiful." Spike had insisted on Dru's outfit. She preferred dress clothing at all times. That wouldn't fly in a party of teen-agers. "We have to fit in. I love you in this. Could you be more beautiful?" He ran a hand over the exposed flesh of her back. It was a hot night so he had put her in a lavender and black halter top, hip hugging bell bottom jeans and platform shoes to match the halter. He pressed his lips to the cool skin of her shoulder. Dru let her head fall back as he nuzzled her neck. Spike wanted to undress her and lie her down. Dru in casual clothing was such a rarity it had him incredibly turned on. If he didn't stop now he wouldn't stop period.

"All changing from one side to the other. Just look." She indicated her outfit. "All wrong."

Spike rooted through the stuff Gavin had purchased for them along with the wardrobe and came up with some Kissing Potion lip-gloss. "It'll be fine. You couldn't be lovelier. Do you think I want to be in combat boots, a Ted Nugent T-shirt, corduroy's and puka beads? All right, I like the boots but still. I feel like an idiot but we need to look like we're teen-agers or close enough to it so not to seem out of place at this party," Spike said, applying the gloss to her pouting lips. He kissed her quick then wiggled the bottle of Kissing Potion in front of her eyes. "See, sweetie, it works. Cherry Smash." He kissed her again, feeling her lips pulling into a smile under him.

"One side of the coin to the other," she whispered.

"You worry too much my ripe, wicked plum," he said, kissing her between each word of her pet name.

"Are you two still at it?" Gavin asked, strolling into the room. He, like Spike, had dressed down for the party; no glam for him, no eyeliner for Spike.

"Dru's not real happy at the moment. I don't think she likes her outfit."

Gavin gave her a critical once over. "You look fantastic. Spike will be beating men away from you all night. Just hopefully not too hard. No killing, not until we have that basket." He wagged a finger at Spike.

"I gave you my word." Spike figured he could keep that one since he wanted a share in that basket and it made sense to refrain from drawing attention to themselves.

"No one hears the whispers of the clouds. They do not care." Dru flopped back on the bed.

Spike grabbed her hands and hauled her up. "Drusilla, pet, I heard your warnings but you never said it was going to happen at the party. How do we know it won't happen if I stay here tonight?" Spike asked.

Dru pushed out her shiny lower lip as she considered it. "I tried to see but the night clouds keep getting in the way."

"It's all right, Dru. We can get through anything," Spike assured her.

Her blue eyes turned to slate. She knew he was humoring her and she didn't appreciate it. "All right but if it happens, cry to Miss Edith, not me."

"That's a girl. Lay down the law." Gavin grinned, patting her bare shoulder.

Spike grimaced, slugging Gavin's gold polyester clad arm. "Don't encourage her, Gavin."

"Keep this boy in line, Dru," Gavin replied, shoving Spike away with ease.

"Easy to do." She cocked her head, giving Gavin a superior smile.

Gavin fluffed his red curls, mirroring her grin. "No doubt since he does most of his thinking with the little head."

"Don't be vulgar in front of Dru," Spike snarled, his pale face morphing just for emphasis.

Gavin just laughed and headed for the car. "And don't let my sister see us. You won't like what happens if she does."

"Oh lovely."

* * *

"A book of poetry? Ripper, that's pathetic," Ethan said, plucking the book from Giles' hand as the other man pulled the door shut on his bedroom. That was the one thing Giles didn't like about having parties at his, Ethan and Philip's flat; people invading his privacy. "John Donne? Let me guess, this is your surprise for Telyn."

"Give it back, Ethan." Giles tried snag the book and failed. "Telyn said Donne was one of her favorites."

Ethan snorted, ticking a finger on the puka beads his friend wore. "So you decided to read her a few poems."

"Why not? Romance is an art at which you need to do some serious studying," Giles replied "Now give me the bloody book."

"Ripper, a little help here. We're having trouble with the keg," someone shouted.

"Bloody hell," Giles snarled, stomping off.

Ethan caressed the cover of the book thoughtfully and headed back into his room with it. He cast a spell on the book. Grinning broadly, he headed back into the living room that was already getting packed with people, mages and hangers-on alike. He waved the cursed poetry book over his head and pointed to it so Ripper could see him setting it on a coffee table. He hoped his grin was one of friendship and didn't tip Ripper off. "Read away, Ripper," he said then spotted Telyn and headed her way.

* * *

Spike took a drag on his cigarette. Getting invited into the large flat was easy enough and the party was exciting. He hadn't been there five minutes when he had received two hits of acid that he passed on and an offer of a blowjob guaranteed to leave his legs shaking. He'd go find that girl later if he could.

Gavin had suggested that they split up and keep their ears open for hints of the basket. He had pointed out his sister so they could avoid her, which should be easy to do in a room packed with people and at least three different kinds of smoke. Dru was in the corner surrounded by three obviously horny men. She had allowed herself to be forced onto a beanbag chair, which was hard to get out of fast if she needed to.

He debated rescuing her, not so much that Dru needed it. He didn't quite trust her not to have a little playtime with them. She might find them alluring in their tight bellbottoms. He knew she had her little affairs just like he did. It meant nothing to either of them. But he did get terribly jealous. He couldn't help it. Maybe it was because he loved her so much or maybe because it came from years of competing with Angelus for her affections.

Spike sprawled in a chair to enjoy a beer and just watch the people especially Gavin. He didn't quite trust Gavin not to get a hold of the basket and give him and Dru the slip. He only wanted them along for additional muscle or more likely a shield if the mages started flinging spells around.

Spike set his beer on the coffee table. As he did so, a book of John Donne's poems caught his eye. He picked it up and perused it already bored with his task. He'd been at it most the night, after all, and he knew Gavin had his contact and would likely be the one who found the basket. He could spare a few moment to revisit a favorite of his. He hated to admit he was such a milksop poet-loving poof in his mortal days and worse still part of him continued to love poetry.

"Spike."

Hearing his name drawled out, he looked up and saw Dru standing over him with a wallet in her hand. "Where'd you get that, sweetie?" He held out his hands to her.

She slid onto his lap with a soft hiss as her jeans grated over his corduroys, playing them like a washboard. "From that sweet boy." Dru pointed to a tow-head collapsed on a couch.

He tapped her nose. "You didn't do anything naughty did you Dru?"

She giggled, emptying the wallet of cash then tossed it aside. "Not me. All the sweet blue smoke."

"Yeah, these gits could get all of London high on the amount of pot they're smoking. Sort of glad we don't breathe," Spike said. "Want to hear some poetry, pet?"

Her hands played with those ridiculous beads around his neck as she nipped his chin. He suddenly didn't want to be here anymore or at least he wanted a dark corner they could play in. "Sweet words like honey. Drip them in my ear, my star."

He kissed her before opening the poetry book to one of his favorites and read "Air and Angels."

Twice or thrice had I lov'd thee, Before I knew thy face or name; So in a voice, so in a shapeless flame Angels affect us oft, and worshipp'd be; Still when, to where thou wert, I came, Some lovely glorious nothing I did see. But since my soul, whose child love is, Takes limbs of flesh, and else could nothing do, More subtle than the parent is Love must not be, but take a body too; And therefore what thou wert, and who, I bid Love ask, and now That it assume thy body, I allow, And fix itself in thy lip, eye, and brow.

As Spike read on he felt something tickle inside him like static electricity. Frowning he finished the poem and set the book aside.

"Lovely my dark prince." She fluttered kisses across his brow. "Read another."

Spike shook his head, feeling odd like when he was mortal and he knew he was about to vomit. His insides felt twitchy. "We better get back to listening for clues," he said as something exploded.

The temperature in the room dropped rapidly; even the vampires could sense it. A soft moan started and slowly grew to a cacophony of pain that rattle the flat. Ghosts of all types swirled through the building. Dru jumped off Spike's lap and swayed to Led Zeppelin's music with the ghosts. Her arms waved overhead at the apparitions, making a counterpoint to her hips.

A lean young man whose afro made a prodigious halo around his head jumped up on a table. "A ghost bomb! Instantaneous hauntings. Beat that!"

"Bloody hell! Nigel, get these things out of my flat," Giles screamed, swatting at a female ghost who swirled too near him.

"You're such a great magician, you do it," Nigel shot back.

"You wanker. They're tearing up my bedroom," Ethan growled.

"Better yours than mine," Giles muttered as Ethan started a counter spell.

Spike watched as the ghosts started winking out of existence. The weird feeling inside him was getting worse, nearly painful. The young man pissed off about the ghost invasion was headed his way. He reached around Spike and picked up the poetry book. Spike raised an eyebrow at the black tattoo on the inside of the youth's wiry bicep. He knew the mark and respected the amount of skill it took to summon a demon of that sort and hold him inside. These guys must throw some wild sex parties. How he wished that tonight had been orgy night, given all the lovely ladies around, rather than weird magical showdown party night.

"Been looking for this," Giles muttered, scanning the room. "Oh, Telyn. There you are."

Spike watched him go then winced. There was definite pain in his chest now. He looked around to find Gavin. He saw him trying to steady a raven-haired girl who was climbing onto the table Nigel had vacated.

"Our turn," she said swaying. She managed an incantation with a few friends. The walls dissolved into a mass of pulsating whirling colors like psychedelia come to life and moving with the music. "Cool huh? Totally audio-sensitive. Put on some Pink Floyd!"

A terrible pain lanced through Spike, staggering him. Dru kept him upright. Worry shot across her heart-shaped face.

"Spike?" The worry tinged her voice.

"Something's wrong, Dru." That came out more panicked than he would have liked.

"It's happening. One side of the coin to the other." Her face went to flint. "I warned you."

"I know, pet. Get Gavin," Spike said, staggering toward the door if he could find it through the new funky moving walls. The doorways had gotten into the act and no longer resembled doors in the slightest.

He felt hands on him and looked over into Gavin's concerned face. The pain spread to his groin and his knees buckled. Gavin caught him and dragged him through a doorway shaped like large red lips.

"I don't think this is outside," Spike gasped.

Gavin flicked on a light, illuminating a couple making out on the bed. They looked at the demonic trio, shrugged and went back to their lovemaking.

"Don't mind us," Gavin said, forcing Spike to move with Dru's help. They went through another doorway, this one resembling labial folds and found themselves in another bedroom, packed with records and books practically from floor to ceiling in some spots. Well, at least the books were stacked high. The records were carefully arranged in boxes. There was a black light lamp on the dresser and a lava lamp on the bed stand. A delicate glass pipe perched beside it with a few blocks of something brown next to it. They let Spike fall onto the bed.

"What's wrong?" Gavin asked.

"A spell," Spike said, rolling face down on the bed. It smelled like the mage with the tattoo. It must be his room.

"A stray from the party?" Gavin asked, trying to roll Spike over. The vampire balled up like an armadillo.

"Don't know."

"My sister's here. Maybe she spotted me and something meant for me bounced and hit you," Gavin suggested, looking over at Dru. She stood there watching passively as if she expected this. There was a subtle expression of glee on her face. Gavin swore to himself he'd never make Spike's mistake of ignoring her visions.

Spike muffled a scream in the bedding as a pain like someone skinning his chest spread like acid. "If it is….I'll kill you both." He gritted his teeth, kicking his feet. "Feels like it's tearing my bullocks off. Stop it!"

"I don't know what it is, let alone how to stop it," Gavin said.

"Changing now." Dru clapped, enjoying the lesson her boy was learning. She picked up the glass pipe, put a block of brown resin in it and lit it.

"Yeah, Dru, we know. You've said it a hundred bloody times now!" Spike snarled and she whimpered nearly dropping the pipe.

Then suddenly as it came the pain went. Spike took several deep breaths out of an old and unnecessary reflex. "It's over. Thanks Gavin."

"I didn't do anything. Maybe the spell fizzled out. It might not work on vampires." Gavin took the hashish from Dru and puffed.

Spike sat up. Something felt very off. His chest bounced. His chest never did that. He ran a hand over his torso to rub out any residual pain then froze. He glanced down and under his shirt, now very tight, were two rather pendulous breasts.

"Fuck me!" He tore his shirt off, desperately wanting a mirror that could reflect him. He stared down at a rather lovely pair of pearl white breasts, D cup if he knew his breast sizes and he did. He pinched a shell pink nipple and it hurt. It wasn't an illusion. "Bloody hell! What is this?"

"All changed," Dru said with a slightly satisfied look on her face. She plucked the pipe away from Gavin and went to stare at the lava lamp. Spike knew he'd be hearing about not listening to her visions for days.

Spike put his hand between his legs. Unlike his over-stuffed shirt, his pants felt oddly empty. He felt along the pant leg he usually tucked himself down but there was no familiar feel of flesh. "No, no, no, no!" he muttered, jumping up, tearing at his belt. He frantically wriggled his pants and underwear down to his knees. He almost couldn't bring himself to look but when he did all he saw was a thatch of pale wiry hair and no signs of testicles or penis. "Oh hell. They're gone!"

"Um Spike, I dare say you've turned into a woman," Gavin said, hiding a smile behind his hand.

"On the other side of the coin now," Dru said. She flicked one of his breasts with her painted nail and turned on the black light, dancing to the music pouring in from the other room.

"I don't want to be on the other side." Spike flopped onto the bed, his pants still around his knees. His voice sounded strange in his ear, high-pitched and unfamiliar. "I don't want to be a woman! This can't be happening."

"I think it already has," Gavin said. He smothered a guffaw.

"I am going to find the wanker who did this to me and I'm going to kill them slowly. I'll peel his lips off!" Spike roared, his face morphing into his vampiric visage.

"Spike, take it easy," Gavin said, his green eyes going wide. He took up a defensive stance, not ready for Spike to blow their cover.

"Take it easy? I just lost my best friend and you tell me to take it easy." Spike popped back off the bed.

Gavin bowled him backwards onto the mattress, sitting on his chest. Spike couldn't believe the strength holding him down. "You can't go out there with your vampire face on. They'll panic and start whipping worse magic at us," Gavin said.

"Worse than this?" Spike asked, wiggling under Gavin.

"You're a woman. We'll find a way to reverse it. You piss off that crew and you'll be dead," Gavin said, pinning Spike more firmly.

"Listen to him, Spike. The coin will flip again." Dru sat on the bed with him, looking disappointed at the empty pipe. She set it back on the bed stand, the glass rimmed with the oily brown remains.

Spike's face went back to human. "You better be right, Dru."

"You know this is the first time I've ever been on top of a woman." Gavin grinned down at Spike.

"You still haven't been. Get off me!" Spike started struggling again.

Gavin let him up and Spike redressed.

"How ugly a woman am I?"

"I don't look at women like that. I guess you're sort of pretty, but your cheeks are too hollow. You need to put on some weight," Gavin said.

"Oh stuff it. I need to find out who did this to me."

"Maybe we should just go. Those guys are going to just going to get higher and more dangerous. None of them are in any shape to tell us how to reverse the spell. With your luck they'll accidentally make it permanent. I'll talk to Marta tomorrow and she'll know who did this…maybe," Gavin said. He gave Spike an apologetic shrug.

"I don't want to be a woman a moment longer," Spike whined, stomping his foot. He stared down at himself as the motion made his breasts ripple.

"Sun will rise soon, Spike. We can't stay long," Dru said, tugging on his arm.

"This is insufferable. Typical, isn't it? It always has to bloody happen to me! Why is that?" Spike tried to flatten his new chest, unused to the way it bobbled around.

"Just lucky I guess." Gavin led them back out.

Spike took a deep breath, not used to having men look at him and some were with undisguised desire. He felt exposed and if not for his strength he'd be afraid. In addition to the moving psychedelic walls, gossamer creatures were winging around the apartment. Spike stopped dead, seeing the guy with the poetry book kissing a pretty redhead.

"Don't stop here. That's my sister. You can't let her see us," Gavin said, hurrying on.

"That blighter, he had the poetry book. I started feeling funny as soon as I read from it. He's the one. He did this to me!" Spike growled, trying to go back. Gavin nearly pulled him off his feet.

"You don't know that and you can't kill him. Hell, my sister might do it for you the way they're going at it. Sort of a black widow, she is."

"Oh no! I want him for myself. Where the fuck's the door out of this loony bin?" Spike grumbled as Gavin propelled him along.

"I have no idea. We'll ask them." Gavin pointed at the keg and the crowd beside it.

He parked Spike next to a gaunt young man who was busy studying the redhead and poetry man. Dru held Spike in place while Gavin questioned an Asian girl for the fastest way through the magic and out of the flat.

"Look at those two." The gaunt man stabbed a hand at the couple. "I could have sworn Ripper read from the book. Wonder what went wrong." He looked over at Spike and Dru and grinned. "Hi. I'm Ethan. I don't think I know you two." He ran a hand up Spike's arm.

Dru jerked Spike's other arm, keeping him in line. Spike glared at her. He recognized the lust in the young man's eyes and wanted to snap his neck for him.

"We're leaving now," Spike said.

"Too bad. Be sure to join us at the Monty Python benefit tomorrow," Ethan said, reaching down to feel up Spike before heading off.

Spike's jaw dropped, too stunned to move. He distinctly heard Dru giggle. Gavin turned back to him.

"What's wrong?" The redheaded demon asked.

"He…he. That bloody tosser groped me!" Spike stammered.

Gavin stepped back, looked at Spike's rear and said, "I don't see why. You don't have an ass."

Dru giggled louder. "Not like he hasn't done it himself to countless women."

Spike's glare heated up. "Don't enjoy this so much Dru."

"Next time, listen to your woman's warnings."

"Shut your gob, Gavin. This is your fault. Get me out of here!"

Gavin walked to a wall and waved. "These guys have such a weird sense of humor," he said as a magical tempest whipped up in the living room. "Get this. We have to click our heels and say there's no place like home."

Spike whirled and would have stalked back if not for Dru. "That's it! I'm killing them all!"

"Hush, Spikette," Gavin said then hurriedly uttered the magic words and ran through before Spike could clobber him.

Spike grumbled all the way home. Gavin left them at their flat with the promise of helping to find the spell caster tomorrow. Spike suggested the gaunt guy who groped him might have something to do with it since he was expecting something to happen with that book. He knew he should have just killed Ethan the moment his hand touched him.

Spike went into his bedroom and stripped. He sat on the bed and looked up at Dru. She was grinning at him. "This isn't funny."

"I told my sweet Spike but he wouldn't listen. Now he has to see life on this side of the coin for a while." Dru danced through the crowded room with Miss Edith.

"Give it a rest, pet and come to bed." He patted the mattress. "The sun's almost up."

Dru climbed in next to him. Spike rolled over and went to kiss her then flopped back.

"This just feels so wrong."

"At least you don't have to look at it," Dru shot back.

"You aren't making it any easier, pet."

"Why should I? You didn't listen to your princess. I told you, if something happened, cry to Miss Edith. She's the only one listening," Dru said, rolling onto her side, facing away from him.

Spike snorted. "Thanks for being supportive." He flopped onto his stomach then back onto his side with a little moan. "That hurt. How do you sleep with these things?"

Dru reached back and slapped him. "Shut up and rest."

"Like that's bloody going to happen."

Dru had no response. Spike laid there staring at the ceiling. It was going to be a long day.